DEAR ABBY: My father actually cut out the letter you printed from "Second Thoughts in Texas" and mailed it to me. It was the one from the woman asking if she should break up with "Dale," a romantic, nurturing and supportive man who isn't as bright as she would prefer him to be.

I have been dealing with the same issue for the last eight years. I'm 32; my husband, "Jay," is 28. I divorced him two years ago for the same reasons "Second Thoughts" related.

While Jay and I were apart, I dated other men -- generally older. And I did find someone, "Bill," who fit the ideal I was looking for. My problem was, I could never get the "feeling" for Bill that I had for my husband, even though I tried. The breakup with Bill was terrible.

Jay and I are back together now and happier than ever.

I am still in college and I took a personality test. I gave the same test to Jay. We couldn't believe the results. It put a lot of things in perspective about the two of us. I can get intellectual stimulation at school or at work. It is much harder to find someone who is always there for me than it is to find a witty conversationalist.

She should never let him go. -- WARM HEART IN CHICAGO

DEAR WARM HEART: That letter generated a stack of mail. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: This is for the woman who has "Second Thoughts in Texas." Lady, you will soon realize that the man you have is the one you wished for, despite his lack of intellect. My husband is all you mentioned. I help him with his intellectual skills because he is worth every effort.

We have been married eight years, and I take pride in the fact that my husband makes the effort to impress me with his conversation and etiquette. We discussed it when we were first married, and things have been fine ever since. But I would never have considered giving him up because there were so many great reasons to stay with him.

Tell "Second Thoughts" that not every marriage starts out 100 percent. There is always an area that needs a little help, but you can work on it together. -- WORTH EVERY EFFORT IN NEW YORK

DEAR WARM HEART AND WORTH EVERY EFFORT: As I said in my reply to "Second Thoughts," for many women, Dale's positive qualities would be enough and he would be considered a prize. Your experiences prove the truth of that statement. But for someone to enter a marriage feeling that he or she is making a sacrifice because his or her partner is somehow lacking is unfair to the partner, and I would not recommend it.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law, "Gertie," lived with us for the last two years since she was no longer able to care for herself. We let her have the master bedroom. I moved into the computer room and slept on a cot while my husband, "Duane," slept on a hide-a-bed in the living room.

Gertie died two months ago, and now Duane refuses to move her belongings out of that room. He says that everything in there is sacred. My husband even turns her favorite nightlight on at night. What am I to do? I can't compete with a ghost! -- HELPLESS

DEAR HELPLESS: Your husband is grieving for his mother and is not behaving rationally. He needs grief counseling and possibly a support group. Consult his doctor and see that he gets it. Meanwhile, join him on the hide-a-bed.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have three wonderful sons, ranging in age from 12 to 19. For the last 10 years, I have had bouts of depression when I think about losing them to girlfriends or wives. I keep remembering all the negative mother-in-law jokes and the derogatory commercials I have seen. How can anyone think that a mother can turn off her love for a son because another woman might get jealous or possessive? It is pounded into everyone's head that mothers-in-law are horrible and unworthy of communication and love from their son and his family.

I am sick of it! I'm a good person. I love my sons with every ounce of my being. I'll be there for them whenever I am needed. It is horrifying to me that the first time I might say something that doesn't suit my son's wife, she'll cut me out of their lives.

Men are such doormats for their girlfriends and wives! Why don't they stand up for their mothers the way we stood up for them? -- SICK OF THE BAD REP

DEAR SICK: Where did you get the idea that the majority of in-law relationships are dysfunctional? Women who welcome their daughters-in-law and don't treat them as rivals usually have warm and loving relationships. Have you ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy? I am concerned that your preconceptions will poison your future relationships. Please discuss them with a psychotherapist, and don't put it off.

DEAR ABBY: I live with a man I'll call Elmer who is, for the most part, a great guy. He accepted my son as his own and provided for him the same way he does for our daughter. We have a nice home, material comforts, and Elmer makes sure all our bills are covered if I can't afford to pay them myself.

Last year, I decided I wanted to go and swim with the dolphins -- literally. I told Elmer this is a spiritual thing, something I want to do for myself and by myself. Elmer tends to be sort of a control freak, but if I stand my ground, he usually backs down. With this dolphin thing, though, he's making my life miserable.

Elmer has 1,001 reasons for me not to take the trip, none of which are valid.

What can I do to make him see that there are plenty of couples who sometimes take separate trips? He says if I love him, I won't go without him. He didn't give me this hard a time when I changed religions. -- NEEDS ADVICE IN MARYLAND

DEAR NEEDS: Since I don't know Elmer, it's hard to say what you can do to reassure him. He may be afraid that you will get in over your head -- literally. Or he may feel insecure about the relationship he has with you since you are not married.

However, in life we must all follow our own spiritual paths. We must also prioritize our wishes in the order of their importance. If swimming with the dolphins is more important to you than Elmer, then you will have to dive in, even if it means swimming through the rest of your life without him.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend and I have been a couple for almost two years and have been living together for two months. We rented a house so it would be "our" home, and neither of us would feel that we had moved in on the other.

At first, we split all the chores. She likes to cook, I like to clean; she did the laundry, I did the yardwork. Now she doesn't do anything at all! I find myself doing all the laundry, cooking, etc., which to tell you the truth, I don't really mind. What I DO mind is her constant complaints about the way I do things.

She implies that I am incompetent, yet she won't lift a finger. In the morning before work, if I am busy doing chores and paying bills, she complains that I'm not spending enough time with her. But when I stop, she only wants to watch TV. When I try to talk to her about it, she yells and storms off.

Is it possible to fall out of love with someone over things like this? Or am I just disillusioned? When I look at her, I don't feel that twinge of excitement anymore. -- EXHAUSTED AND FRUSTRATED

DEAR EXHAUSTED: Yes, it is indeed possible to fall out of love with someone who is lazy, hypercritical and impossible to please. Consider yourself fortunate to have seen this side of your girlfriend before it was too late. Frankly, you deserve better -- so don't look back.

DEAR ABBY: Before I married my husband, I had, shall we say, a "colorful past." None of those encounters gave me much satisfaction. I was up front about it with my husband before we married. He asked how many and I told him.

Last night, I made an off-the-cuff remark that he took the wrong way. He told me later that it reminded him of my past. He felt I was bragging about it and throwing it in his face. He told me that after he learned how experienced I was, he had almost broken up with me.

Abby, I have explained to him repeatedly that the only relationship that has ever given me any pleasure has been with him. I have told him over and over how much I love him and need him. But this hurts. How do I help him get over my past? -- HURTING IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR HURTING: Men who ask the question are often insecure. An emotionally mature man would have respected your privacy and not pushed. The next time he brings up your past, suggest to him that it is healthier and more fruitful to live in the present. Assure him that you love him only and offer to go to counseling together until he has talked it out. The rest is up to him.

DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law gave my daughter a beautiful antique desk a few months ago. I was there at the time, and both of us thanked her for the generous gift.

My mother says I was rude for not sending a thank-you card for the gift.

What is the proper etiquette when someone receives a gift and thanks the giver in person? Is an additional written thank-you card called for? -- CONCERNING MANNERS

DEAR CONCERNING: In addition to thanking the giver in person, a handwritten note is the proper way to show gratitude for a gift. It doesn't have to be long and flowery -- only heartfelt. However, the person who receives the gift should write the note -- and that's your daughter, not you.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)