DEAR ABBY: You printed a letter from a man in Chicago who had broken his engagement. He asked how to dispose of the rings because it was "no longer possible to return them to the jeweler, and a pawnshop would never give (him) their full value." You advised him to get a written appraisal and donate the rings to charity.

I have been a jeweler for 20 years, and I disagree. If that young man needs the money instead of a tax write-off, there are jewelers who will take items on consignment.

Another idea is to run an ad in the classified section of the local newspaper. Before he places the ad, the man should contact a local jeweler, make an appointment to have a written appraisal done, and ask the jeweler if -- for a commission -- he can meet the prospective buyer in the store. This adds credibility to the ring that is being sold, and it is the only safe way to resell jewelry to the public.

Jewelers spend thousands of dollars to get people inside their doors; this would be two more prospective customers for the jeweler. That is why most independent jewelers wouldn't mind accommodating the young man.

If all else fails, and he's stuck with the rings, I have two other suggestions:

1. Get a safe-deposit box and keep them there. They will not lose value.

2. Melt down the bands and engagement ring and have a wonderful Mother's Day gift created. She would appreciate it more than anyone. -- JEWELER IN THE SOUTH, DAPHNE, ALA.

DEAR SOUTHERN JEWELER: Thank you for your input. I learn from my readers every day. By the way, you aren't the only jeweler who offered suggestions. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Your advice about donating the rings to charity isn't the only choice that young man has.

My husband is a custom jeweler. Women come into his store all the time wanting "divorce rings." They bring their old wedding rings, have them melted down and have a different one created. That young man could do the same thing for himself or for someone else important in his life. -- JEWELER'S WIFE, CARRIZOZO, N.M.

DEAR WIFE: Hmmm ... a divorce ring? If the person doesn't mind being reminded of an unhappy chapter in life, I suppose that would work.

DEAR ABBY: Set the record straight and send that young man back to the jeweler! I have been buying estate jewelry for more than 25 years. In my experience, there are four ways to liquidate a diamond ring: (1) sell to a jeweler; (2) consign to a jewelry store; (3) sell through auction; (4) donate to a charity.

Consignment is usually the best choice because you can determine a fair price in advance and the jeweler doesn't have to front the money to buy it. Donating is harder because most charities are geared toward receiving money rather than merchandise.

Above all, remember the two "don'ts": Don't sell to someone you know -- and don't run an ad, because it could be dangerous. -- HANK FRIEDMAN, MARIN COUNTY, CALIF.

DEAR HANK: Thank you for the helpful suggestions -- and thank you, too, for the warning.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 14 and a little confused. I go to a school where "flirting" involves touching. Even when the girls say stop, the boys don't.

One guy has grabbed me several times. I like him, but I'm afraid he's going to do worse things to me. Please help me. I feel weird talking about this to anyone. But I need to know what flirting really means. -- EMBARRASSED IN CAMDEN, ARK.

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Flirting is letting someone that you're interested in know it. It can be a smile, a greeting, a lingering glance, or a touch on the hand, the arm or the shoulder. It does not involve grabbing or overtly sexual touching.

I'm sorry you feel uncomfortable discussing it. Someone should tell the school administration about what's happening so the difference between flirting and sexual harassment can be explained to the entire student body before things get "out of hand."

DEAR ABBY: As the owner of a tanning salon, I feel compelled to reply to the wife who said her husband's visit to a tanning salon was a sign of cheating.

The other clues you listed were more relevant. At our salon, only about 15 percent of our customers are male. Most clients tan for the good look a tan gives, or in preparation for a beach or cruise vacation -- or even just for the relaxation. -- BRETT RICH, MARYVILLE, TENN.

DEAR BRETT: No one meant to "dis" an entire industry or imply that the fact someone visits a tanning salon is conclusive proof that he or she is cheating. When someone is cheating, the warning signs usually appear in multiples -- and that is where the checklist comes in handy.

P.S. The first "warning sign" is usually a person's intuition that something is wrong. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Your list of 29 things to look for if you suspect your partner of cheating was incomplete. You forgot No. 30, the final one: "If your partner tries to hide the list from you." -- ED IN LAKELAND, FLA.

DEAR ED: Ah, yes ... it's a truism that people who are secretive usually have a lot to hide.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are having a disagreement about something and would like you to settle it. When I'm home alone, he sneaks into the house and tiptoes up behind me. He has even done it while I'm in the shower, suddenly appearing out of nowhere.

When I tell him this frightens me, he says I am overly nervous. I say it's not a matter of being nervous. I was raised to be courteous and announce my presence. I think my husband's behavior is selfish, rude, and shows a lack of manners. Who is right? -- KRISTA IN JACKSONVILLE

DEAR KRISTA: You are. His behavior is also childish and a touch sadistic.

P.S. Lock the bathroom door when you take a shower, and hang a string of little bells or chimes on the front and back doors of your house. That should solve the problem.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Our otherwise responsible 15-year-old daughter, "Marie," is upset with her father and me because we won't allow her to have her belly button pierced. She's a good kid, and we originally told her she could get it pierced if she improved her grades. However, after thinking it over, we changed our minds and told her so.

Marie couldn't believe we'd changed our minds. She worked hard and brought her grades up to A's and B's. Now she is in tears because we won't let her have the piercing.

At what age do you and your readers consider belly button piercing appropriate? -- UPSET IN COLLEGEVILLE, PA.

DEAR UPSET: I see navel piercing as a fad that has gone mainstream. Discuss it with your family physician or a dermatologist to determine what the risks are. Be sure your daughter is present so she is aware of them, too. (As long as the procedure is done hygienically, it shouldn't cause any damage.) And in the future, I advise you to think carefully before making any more promises to your daughter.

DEAR ABBY: I am getting married in August. My best friend, "Judy," is my maid of honor. My problem is she expects me to invite her fiance, "Joe," to the wedding.

While I love Judy dearly, I do not care for her fiance. When they are together, they keep to themselves and barely interact with other people.

I'm afraid if I invite Joe to my wedding, she'll spend most of her time with him. He has never done anything to make me dislike him, but I've never had a good feeling about him since the day I met him. I want to keep my friend happy, but I also want to have the wedding of my dreams. I'm worried if I invite Joe it will put a damper on my day, and if I don't invite him, Judy will be hurt. Is it OK not to invite him? -- BRIDE-TO-BE

DEAR BRIDE-TO-BE: No, it's not OK. To exclude your friend's fiance would be selfish and a breach of etiquette. They are officially a couple, and besides, on your wedding day you will be so busy with your guests and your new husband that you won't have time to dwell on the amount of attention you'll be receiving from your maid of honor.

DEAR ABBY: I enjoy the letters you print about acts of kindness. I am a 63-year-old woman with physical disabilities. While walking out of the grocery store, I slipped on some ice and fell. Abby, four people walked right past me without even offering to help. A Muslim family walked by, and the husband put his groceries down and helped me up. He then carried my groceries while his wife and son helped me to my car. After that, they followed my car to my house to make sure I arrived safely. Their son helped me unload the groceries and get them into my kitchen.

In all the chaos, I didn't even get their names. Please, Abby, let them know how grateful I am. So many ugly things have been said about Muslims since Sept. 11. Their kindness and concern reminded me that there are many good people out there, and we should not forget that. -- GRATEFUL IN ST. PAUL

DEAR GRATEFUL: You're right. We shouldn't. Kindness and consideration for others aren't virtues confined by borders, nor are they restricted to one religion. Thank you for pointing it out.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)