DEAR ABBY: My husband's friend, "Kevin," has been coming to our house once a week for the past eight years. He is always broke and looking for a handout, even though he has a full-time job.

In the beginning, I tried to help him by inviting him to stay for dinner once in a while. Now he has started to complain: The steak isn't cooked the way he likes it, or I don't toss the salad the way his mom does. (By the way, Kevin is 35 and still lives at home.) The reason he always needs money is that he spends every paycheck on drugs.

I recently gave birth to my first child and I don't want him to be around someone like Kevin, but my husband refuses to stop his friend from coming to our house. How can I -- politely -- get this moocher out of my home without causing trouble between my husband and myself? -- NEW MOM

DEAR NEW MOM: That's easy. Stop feeding that moocher steak, go vegetarian, and toss the salads YOUR way. I predict he'll be out of your hair as soon as the gravy train stops rolling.

P.S. You don't mention what kind of drugs this man is addicted to, but he should not be around your baby while he is under the influence. If your husband continues to object, explain to him that it could be considered child endangerment.

DEAR ABBY: My 13-year-old daughter was molested by her half-brother for almost a year before she found the courage to tell us.

When we found out, we did everything we could to help her overcome this. We even moved out of state to give her a fresh start.

The trouble is, her half-brother has contacted my husband again. He wants to visit us. I do not want him in this house -- and my daughter feels the same way. Some family members say I am denying my husband a relationship with his son. I'm not trying to keep them apart; I'm trying to protect my daughter. I have reached the point that I will leave and take my kids with me before I'll expose them to this again. Am I wrong? -- STRONGLY AGAINST VISIT

DEAR STRONGLY: No, you are not wrong. You are a concerned and protective mother, and your first obligation is to protect your daughter from her predator. Tell the "family members" that your husband can visit his son, but not vice versa. And make no apologies.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are anticipating the arrival of our first child in two months. We have registered at a local store for the items we will need.

A close friend has graciously offered to give me a baby shower, but she refuses to add where we are registered to the invitation. She says it's poor etiquette.

Isn't the whole point of a baby shower to receive gifts? Is pointing people in the right direction so wrong?

The invitations go out in less than a week. Help, ASAP! -- BAFFLED IN ORANGE, CA.

DEAR BAFFLED: Sorry, but I agree with your friend. While it is understood that showers are all about getting gifts, a more refined way to get the message across is for the hostess to verbally communicate where the guest of honor is registered at the time the invitees RSVP.

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DEAR ABBY: I need help dealing with my ex-girlfriend, "Ashley." We were together off and on for 2 1/2 years and lived together for a year. It was a new experience for both of us.

About a year into our relationship, Ashley decided she wasn't sure that what we had was what she wanted anymore. I was OK with it. We split up for four or five months, and then we started talking and decided to try again. About three months later, she did the same thing.

It has now been another three months, and supposedly she has a new boyfriend, but she's calling me. I love her and would do anything for her, but I just don't know what to do anymore. My romance with Ashley has caused a lot of arguments between me and my parents. Any advice would help. -- HURTING IN PASADENA

DEAR HURTING: Ashley appears to be too immature and indecisive for a serious commitment to anyone -- her current boyfriend included. If it's love you're looking for, she isn't the girl who can provide it. The best advice I can offer is to admire her from a safe distance. She's a heartbreaker.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my husband, "Ron," for 12 years. We have always gotten along well except for one thing. He smokes pot -- a lot of it. He says he will never stop. I am against pot smoking, but I've tolerated it for his sake.

My daughter, "Erica," just turned 15 and has become involved with a bad crowd. I recently found out she has been smoking pot with Ron. Ron says he'd rather Erica do it at home instead of on the streets.

Now, if Ron and I have even the smallest disagreement, Erica will automatically take his side. The two of them have their own bond and inside jokes; I feel like an outsider. I would take Erica and leave my husband, but I'm not financially able.

How can I make Ron realize it is unacceptable -- that he should be a role model instead of a friend? I really feel like I am going crazy. Any ideas? -- UNCOOL MOM

DEAR UNCOOL MOM: Rather than behave like a responsible parent, your husband has become your daughter's enabler. I urge you to draw the line. Tell him that you want the house to be "clean" by tomorrow. If it's not, let him know you'll be calling the police to report him for supplying drugs to a minor. Then do it. Let him explain his off-the-wall philosophy to them. And for your daughter's sake, recognize that it's time you started job-hunting. You may need to support the two of you in the near future.

DEAR ABBY: I attended a wine testing a few weeks ago where a guest accidentally broke a wine glass. The hostess didn't seem concerned that he might be injured, but she did get upset that the glass was broken.

Before he left, the guest offered to pay for the broken wine glass and the hostess accepted, saying that he owed her $16. He produced a $20 bill, which she pocketed without offering change -- and later bragged to me that she had made money on the deal. I thought her behavior was inappropriate.

She recently confided that she's going to buy a crate of 99-cent glasses and charge $5 apiece if any of them are broken. What do you think of this? -- APPALLED IN BEVERLY HILLS

DEAR APPALLED: The hostess appears to be ethically challenged. If she'd cheat her guests on the wine glass, how can one be sure she's pouring the vintage she claims to be? Frankly, I think she's popped her cork, and if I were you, I'd skip her soirees.

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DEAR ABBY: I've been seeing "Matt," a 31-year-old investment banker, for a couple of months. He's caring, kind, intelligent and successful -- a wonderful person. After prep school, he went to an Ivy League college. All things considered, he is everything I have been looking for in a mate.

Then we went out to dinner and I watched him eat. Abby, Matt has the worst table manners I have ever seen. He holds his fork like a caveman and slurps his food.

My parents and grandparents taught me proper etiquette. I was brought up to believe that the way you conduct yourself, especially at the table, is a reflection of your upbringing.

Call me shallow, but Matt's bad table manners are close to being a deal-breaker for me. I don't know what to do. Frankly, I don't want to be the one to teach him table manners. Should I con him into an etiquette class -- or is that too sneaky? -- DATING A CAVEMAN

DEAR DATING: Con him? Speak up and tell this man exactly what you have told me! You'll be doing him a tremendous favor. People are judged in business -- as they are socially -- by the manners they do (or do not) display. Better he should hear it from you. And if you locate an etiquette class, offer to attend with him. Don't sacrifice an otherwise perfect relationship over a flaw that is fixable.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 11 years. My father passed away this past December. Because of this, my mother, who lives next door, has been sleeping at our house at night. This is causing my husband to become resentful. He says he no longer has any privacy.

Mother helps out by taking the kids to and from school every day. She would like to start staying at her own house at night again, but it is still difficult for her. What should I do? -- LOST DAD, MAY LOSE HUSBAND

DEAR LOST: Encourage your mother to start sleeping at home. Ease the transition by having your older children sleep at her house for a few weeks. If she's still afraid to sleep alone, suggest she adopt a pet. The sooner she asserts her independence, the better she will feel. You'll be doing both your mother and your husband a favor.

DEAR ABBY: Lately, my aunt, "Brenda," has been overly strict with my cousin, "Emily." She won't let Emily talk on the phone, go to movies -- you get the idea. Once, because Emily lost the padlock for her gym locker, she was grounded for three weeks, lost her phone and computer privileges, and had to take all of her pictures out of her locker.

My family knows this is wrong, but everyone's afraid to say anything. Is there anything I can do to help Emily? -- CONCERNED COUSIN IN WISCONSIN

DEAR CONCERNED COUSIN: The punishment should fit the crime, and it appears that Emily's mother has gone way overboard. The problem with trying to keep a child a virtual prisoner is that most of them will rebel sooner or later. It would be a kindness if you would ask the other adults in your family to speak to your Aunt Brenda. She needs to learn more effective parenting techniques.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY IRISH READERS:

"May the most you wish for be the least you get.

"May the best times you've ever had be the worst you will ever see."

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!

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