DEAR ABBY: I've been seeing "Matt," a 31-year-old investment banker, for a couple of months. He's caring, kind, intelligent and successful -- a wonderful person. After prep school, he went to an Ivy League college. All things considered, he is everything I have been looking for in a mate.

Then we went out to dinner and I watched him eat. Abby, Matt has the worst table manners I have ever seen. He holds his fork like a caveman and slurps his food.

My parents and grandparents taught me proper etiquette. I was brought up to believe that the way you conduct yourself, especially at the table, is a reflection of your upbringing.

Call me shallow, but Matt's bad table manners are close to being a deal-breaker for me. I don't know what to do. Frankly, I don't want to be the one to teach him table manners. Should I con him into an etiquette class -- or is that too sneaky? -- DATING A CAVEMAN

DEAR DATING: Con him? Speak up and tell this man exactly what you have told me! You'll be doing him a tremendous favor. People are judged in business -- as they are socially -- by the manners they do (or do not) display. Better he should hear it from you. And if you locate an etiquette class, offer to attend with him. Don't sacrifice an otherwise perfect relationship over a flaw that is fixable.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 11 years. My father passed away this past December. Because of this, my mother, who lives next door, has been sleeping at our house at night. This is causing my husband to become resentful. He says he no longer has any privacy.

Mother helps out by taking the kids to and from school every day. She would like to start staying at her own house at night again, but it is still difficult for her. What should I do? -- LOST DAD, MAY LOSE HUSBAND

DEAR LOST: Encourage your mother to start sleeping at home. Ease the transition by having your older children sleep at her house for a few weeks. If she's still afraid to sleep alone, suggest she adopt a pet. The sooner she asserts her independence, the better she will feel. You'll be doing both your mother and your husband a favor.

DEAR ABBY: Lately, my aunt, "Brenda," has been overly strict with my cousin, "Emily." She won't let Emily talk on the phone, go to movies -- you get the idea. Once, because Emily lost the padlock for her gym locker, she was grounded for three weeks, lost her phone and computer privileges, and had to take all of her pictures out of her locker.

My family knows this is wrong, but everyone's afraid to say anything. Is there anything I can do to help Emily? -- CONCERNED COUSIN IN WISCONSIN

DEAR CONCERNED COUSIN: The punishment should fit the crime, and it appears that Emily's mother has gone way overboard. The problem with trying to keep a child a virtual prisoner is that most of them will rebel sooner or later. It would be a kindness if you would ask the other adults in your family to speak to your Aunt Brenda. She needs to learn more effective parenting techniques.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY IRISH READERS:

"May the most you wish for be the least you get.

"May the best times you've ever had be the worst you will ever see."

HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old girl in the eighth grade. For my Health and Human Services class, I had to do an oral report about my future career.

I have wanted to be president of the United States since fifth grade. But when I said that, my teacher laughed at me. He told me I had very little chance of making it, although he didn't say why.

Then, "Jim," another student, started laughing hysterically and said girls aren't allowed to be president. I said, "Yeah, and I'll bet the idiots who came up with that idea were guys!" I was so upset I ran out of the room.

Now, a group of kids at school have started calling me names and spreading rumors about me. Jim even tripped me and made me bite my lip. I try to ignore them, but it's hard. They keep laughing at me, and my teacher is no help. I am losing sleep and feel horrible.

Abby, I didn't realize so much trouble could come out of revealing a dream. It's not like I am not ambitious enough. I'm in the National Junior Honor Society and my poetry has been published in the paper more than once.

I have tried talking to the guidance counselors, but they have done nothing. And when I mention my career ambition to my family, all I get from them is, "That's nice, dear."

Please respond, Abby. My dream is turning into a nightmare. -- I HAVE A DREAM

DEAR I HAVE A DREAM: Please clip this and show it to your male chauvinist teacher. Because a woman has never been president of the United States does not mean that it will never happen. Fifty years ago there was a saying, "A woman's place is in the home." Today, more women work outside the home than in it. And this year, for the first time, there were more female applicants to medical schools than male.

Please don't let your classmates get you down. If necessary, ask your parents to get involved to stop the harassment. The people who imply that you cannot fulfill your dreams are wrong. I expect to see a woman be elected president in my lifetime -- and who's to say it won't be you? Certainly not this columnist!

DEAR ABBY: I have been going out with my boyfriend for two years. He has two boys, 7 and 9. He has been divorced from his wife for six years. We do not live together, but we would like to share the same bed when I stay overnight.

My boyfriend's 9-year-old son won't allow it. He either tries to get into the bed with my boyfriend or makes comments that he doesn't want us to sleep together. This is trying my patience.

I have tried to be understanding. Am I wrong to be frustrated with the situation? My boyfriend wants to sleep with me, too, but doesn't talk to his son about it; he just gives in. -- BUMMED IN BEVERLY, MASS.

DEAR BUMMED: Call me old-fashioned, but if you're looking for sympathy from me, you've come to the wrong place. What adults do in private is their own business. But I don't think unmarried adults should sleep together in front of children. It sends the wrong message. Children want to keep their illusions, and I think adults should let them.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a beautiful 6-year-old daughter I'll call "Maya" who adores her father. "John" and I were together for more than eight years and have been apart for about a year. During our last year together, he was caught selling drugs and was convicted of possession and distribution, as well as possession of an illegal weapon. I knew nothing of this until he was arrested. (I worked while he was a stay-at-home dad.)

John is now serving a four-year sentence in federal prison. However, he tells Maya that he is in "Daddy School," and when he gets home she will live with him.

Abby, I have struggled long and hard to get back on my feet after paying all of John's legal bills and finding a place for Maya and me to live. Should I tell her where her father really is, and that she won't be living with him but can visit him? (He will be living with his mother again when they let him out.)

He keeps telling Maya how much fun they'll have together. I want her to love John and have a good relationship with him, but I don't want to lose her. What's the answer? -- WORRIED MOTHER IN TEXAS

DEAR MOTHER: Your daughter deserves to know the truth about her father -- that he did something that was against the law, and he is now paying for it. If you go along with his lie, Maya will have good reason to believe that everything John is telling her is the truth -- including the part about where she is going to live.

Your next step should be to discuss child custody with an attorney. Since it appears that you and John are not married, and he is not contributing financially to Maya's welfare, I fail to see how he can claim the right to have her live with him. A lawyer can help you make sure it doesn't happen, so please waste no time in contacting one. It will ease your mind, and that's what is important right now.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Jeff," is 35 and I'm 41. We've been married 10 years.

Jeff is an excellent provider. He spends quality time with the children and will do anything I ask.

I have only one problem. Every gift occasion -- anniversary, Christmas, Valentine's Day or birthday -- Jeff buys me an outfit I consider trashy. His most recent gift was a black leather miniskirt and bustier, black mesh stockings and thigh-high boots. When I asked Jeff where he expected me to wear that stuff, he said, "On a date with me -- or in our bedroom."

Is it healthy for Jeff to have those fantasies? -- NOT A SLUT IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR NOT: Oui, oui, Madame -- as long as the fantasies include you!

WORTH REMEMBERING: "To speak ill of others is a dishonest way of praising ourselves." -- Will and Ariel Durant

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)