DEAR ABBY: I am a normal 13-year-old kid. I play soccer and the saxophone and am serious about both.

Lately, I'm noticing my mom's drinking. She threatens all kinds of things at night: no soccer, no sax, no social life. She gets argumentative and repeats herself. We've been getting into fights because she forgets things and says things she doesn't mean.

The other night, she grabbed and pushed me. When I told her to stop, she said she has nothing to lose, but I do.

Plus my dad is kind of timid, so he goes along with whatever she says. HELP! -- CRAZY IN COLORADO

DEAR CRAZY: Your mother's drinking is out of control, and her behavior is destructive. Your father probably hopes that if he ignores it, it will go away. Please clip this letter and give it to him. He needs to contact Al-Anon, and you should attend some Alateen meetings.

Alateen is a fellowship of young people whose lives have been affected by someone else's drinking. An active adult member of Al-Anon serves as a sponsor for each group. The number for both Al-Anon and Alateen is (888) 425-2666, and the Web site for both is www.al-anon.alateen.org.

DEAR ABBY: Last summer, my high school sweetheart and I linked up again at our class reunion. We live in different states. A few months later, I visited her. Two months after that, she came to visit me for a week. We got along great.

We talk constantly and are in love with each other all over again. Neither of us has children or other obligations. She has agreed to move here, get her own place for a while, and let nature take its course. I can't see myself without her.

Her friends think she might be acting too hastily. Do you think we need more time? We are both 38 and are ready to spend our lives together. What do you think? -- CONFUSED IN KENTUCKY

DEAR CONFUSED: You are both adults. Since there is nothing keeping her in the town where she lives, I see no reason why she shouldn't relocate to yours. Her friends mean well, I'm sure, but they are not the ones who should be deciding whether her decision is too hasty, and I think they should butt out.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Andre" since I was 12 and he was 13. We are now 26 and 27. Like any couple, we've had arguments. He's also cheated on me. We have three children. He also has four children with other women.

I am confused, Abby. We have a lot of trust issues. I have my guard up all the time. I love him. He was my first sexual partner. I want to get married, but I can't help thinking he's going to cheat again.

How can I learn to trust him totally? -- C.D. IN CHICAGO

DEAR C.D.: Being of sound mind and body, that would be impossible. Your boyfriend has proven at least four times that he is not trustworthy in the fidelity department. Thirteen years of this distrust and torture are enough already. If I were you, I'd talk to a lawyer, establish child support and let him go. He may be 27, but he still hasn't grown up.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have questions about "growing up." I am 15 and want to talk to my mom about it, but I'm embarrassed. We talk about some stuff, but most of the time I wait until I can't stand it anymore and finally talk to her.

Do you have any ideas about making it easier for me to open up to my mom? I want to just walk through the front door and say, "Hey, Mom, I've got a question" -- but I can't. I'm too shy.

Abby, please help! -- TOO SHY IN A SMALL TOWN

DEAR TOO SHY: I'm sad to say your question is very common. It is repeated in nearly every batch of mail I receive. Teenage girls want to talk to their mothers, but they are afraid to reach out.

What I recommend are scheduled mother-daughter dinners, one-on-one time where there are no distractions, and feelings can be discussed, questions answered and opinions and attitudes aired and explained. This quality time can be the basis of precious memories and the foundation for trust and closeness. If this seems far-fetched, consider how many thousands of young girls have such distant relationships with their mothers that the only person they feel they can confide in is an advice columnist. Mothers, please reach out to your daughters. You'll be glad you did.

DEAR ABBY: My children attend a local elementary school here in Dallas. They are in kindergarten and second grade.

Other parents have told me about a practice that occurs in third grade at our school. If a child's desk is not properly organized (to the teacher's specifications), the teacher does a "desk dump" in front of the class and orders the child to put the items back using the "proper organization."

I don't think public humiliation is an appropriate teaching technique. And I seriously doubt that the children learn anything more than fear of their teacher.

Fortunately, the school district does not allow corporal punishment; however, this kind of emotional abuse can be almost as destructive as physical abuse for children this young.

What do you think of this "teaching technique"? -- WORRIED PARENT IN TEXAS

DEAR WORRIED: I think it is unacceptable, outmoded and should be scrapped. Instead of teaching children, it demeans them and causes resentment.

Since you feel strongly about it, visit the principal and confirm that the stories are true. If they are, ask that the teacher be instructed about what is appropriate and effective and what is not. If the teacher persists, you and other concerned parents should take this matter up with the school board.

DEAR ABBY: I am 7 years old. I live with my mother and father in a small apartment. I have two fish, two cats, a hamster and a mouse -- but I would also like a dog. My mother says our apartment is too small. My dad says to ask you because I practice reading through your column. Plus, I told my dad that I would ask your advice. Thank you. -- AMBER IN CHICAGO

DEAR AMBER: At the risk of getting myself in the doghouse, I vote with your mother. Two fish, two cats, a hamster and a mouse are already quite a sizable menagerie for a family of three living in a small apartment. Enough is enough.

I'm pleased that you read my column -- it's never too early to start.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 22. My fiance, "David," is 23. We are both busy with our internships, working and finishing our degrees. David and his older brother still live at home, but now that we are planning a wedding and preparing our apartment, he sometimes spends the evening with me -- having dinner, planning, doing homework, etc. Occasionally he stays over. This has caused his mother, "Vonda," to freak out.

Vonda says she's not used to him being away from home. (My apartment is only a mile away.) She makes a big fuss about him not eating dinner with them or not calling to let her know his plans. She constantly tries to make us feel guilty about not spending more time with them. But at 23, neither David nor I think her requests are appropriate.

Two days ago Vonda e-mailed my parents and accused them of allowing me to do whatever I want. It's ridiculous, because I have lived on my own for three years and my parents have no part in this. It's almost like she doesn't take us seriously and that's why we're being treated like children.

The next few months are supposed to be for us to plan our wedding. I don't want to have to deal with this. I don't even want to be in the presence of David's parents now because of their lack of respect and civility. Must I tolerate his mother's behavior? Am I compelled to spend time in his parents' house? -- TURNED OFF IN TOLEDO

DEAR TURNED OFF: David's mother appears to be suffering from acute separation anxiety. Both of her adult sons still live under her roof and eat at her table. She looks at you -- an independent woman -- and sees a worldly rival "who's allowed to do whatever she wants," stealing her boy away.

David is long overdue for a serious talk with his parents. While, in a sense, he will always be "their little boy," he is a man now and will soon be striking out on his own. However, if he's not going to be home for dinner and plans to stay the night at your place, it would be considerate of him to let his parents know so they won't be concerned.

Must you tolerate Vonda's behavior? Yes, for the time being. Are you compelled to spend time with your future in-laws? You will if you're as smart as I think you are. There's much to be gained from strong family ties, if it's possible to maintain them. I have a hunch Vonda feels very isolated right now. A step in the right direction would be for you to ask her for some input on those wedding plans.

DEAR ABBY: When a person is asked what is wrong with him or her, are they obliged under the rules of good manners to give an unambiguous report of their illness, even if their malady is a result of AIDS, TB, VD, mental illness or any of the other diseases to which humankind is subjected?

My question stems from an intensive interrogation. Your response will be deeply appreciated. -- WONDERING IN RANCHO CUCAMONGA

DEAR WONDERING: Although the "interrogation" may have been out of concern for you and well-intentioned, you were under no social obligation to give a specific reply. If it happens again, smile and say, "If that were any of your business, you'd already know the answer."

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)