DEAR ABBY: I recently turned 18 and started a new job as a waitress in an upscale cafe. I love my job, but there's one drawback.

The other waitresses and I get hit on left and right by men in their 40s and 50s. I'm not talking about a few cute remarks but lewd suggestions and asking for our phone numbers. One girl even had to file a police report because a 61-year-old man kept coming by and waiting for her to get off work, even after she declined his invitation to go out.

Where does a man that age get the idea that he can get a girl who's still in high school? And how do we let them down without sounding rude or risking our jobs? -- GROSSED OUT IN FLORIDA

DEAR GROSSED OUT: Where does he get the idea? In his dreams, honey! How should you deal with it? Be friendly, be polite, and tell him that he reminds you of someone very special -- your grandfather.

DEAR ABBY: My friend, "Harry," and I are having a disagreement about proper etiquette. He says he doesn't have to open a door for me, only for his wife -- even though we are both females.

My boyfriend and I feel that the door should be opened for both women by the first male to reach the door.

Harry claims that he needs to open the door only for his wife because they are a couple, and my boyfriend should open the door for me. My boyfriend always opens the door for me and continues to hold it open for Harry's wife.

Who is right? -- LESLIE IN MAPLE GROVE, MINN.

DEAR LESLIE: You are. Harry should continue to hold the door until both women have entered or exited. To do otherwise is rude and thoughtless. I don't know who taught Harry his manners, but it appears he's a little rough around the edges and could use some polishing.

DEAR ABBY: How should I respond to my husband who constantly corrects me when I'm talking to friends and relatives? We can be talking about anything -- movies, weather, the day of the week we did something. And, according to him, I am always wrong. (FYI -- I am usually right.)

It's bad enough when he does it at home, but it's humiliating when we're out. I've tried talking to him privately about this, but he becomes defensive. Then I get the silent treatment.

I have reached my limit. Abby, what can I say to him that won't embarrass either of us or put him on the defensive? Any advice will be appreciated. -- ALWAYS WRONG ANYWHERE IN U.S.A.

DEAR ALWAYS WRONG: Loving spouses do not correct each other in public; they do it privately. Since you have spoken to your husband about this and he continues, recognize that he is insecure and trying to make himself look smarter/superior by making you look foolish. Most people recognize this ploy for what it is.

Nothing you can say to him about his behavior will make him less defensive. He's already on the defensive and it has nothing to do with you.

Marriage counseling might help him see how detrimental this is, and improve your level of communication. I wish you luck.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: A young mother wrote that her husband had given her herpes-2, and asked you to help her decide whether to stay or to leave the marriage. She said that the virus was a constant reminder of his indiscretion, and asked if any other man could love her if he knew. Please give her this message:

I also contracted herpes-2 (HSV-2) from my ex-husband during our marriage. We divorced and I married my soul mate. While we were dating, I told him about the virus and waited to hear him say, "Adios." Instead, to my amazement, his response was, "I love you. This isn't your fault and we'll deal with it."

I, too, am angry during an outbreak because it is a reminder that the person I trusted most betrayed me. But remember that stress is one of the triggers for an outbreak. Then remind yourself that this virus doesn't change who you are inside. You have done nothing wrong. Get all the information you can because knowledge is empowering. No matter what decision you make about your marriage, your heart will heal. My thoughts are with you. -- LIVING HAPPILY EVER AFTER

DEAR LIVING: Thank you for the beautiful testimonial that a full life is possible after an HSV-2 diagnosis. People who have this infection often feel isolated because it is not a condition that is easily discussed. For anyone who might have missed it in my previous column, the National Herpes Hotline -- (919) 361-8488 -- operates from 9 a.m. to 7 p.m. Eastern time. The staff provides information and referrals to support groups.

I'm pleased to say you are not the only caring reader who wrote to offer support to that young woman. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I contracted herpes-2 after a one-night stand 10 years ago. Since the age of 17, I have struggled with feelings of anger, humiliation and the fear of never finding love. I, too, felt "robbed of my dignity, my self-image and my future." But I have slowly arrived at the acceptance stage, and so will that young wife.

She can save her marriage if she truly loves her husband "in sickness and health." Living with HSV-2 is possible; many people do it. She should ask herself if she can live without the family unit the two of them have built together.

I am still single since my diagnosis, but I have had two healthy relationships over six years' time. The key is honesty and healthy communication. -- LIVING STRONG IN LOS ANGELES

DEAR LIVING STRONG: I agree, and that is true in any healthy relationship. I would be shirking my responsibility as an advice columnist, however, if I didn't point out that more than half of all teenagers today are sexually active. That is why they need clear, concise sex education -- beyond "just say no" -- to help them avoid sexually transmitted diseases and unwanted pregnancies. While most adults prefer that teens and pre-teens abstain from having sex, it is obvious that many are NOT abstaining.

DEAR ABBY: My friend "Diane" and I went downtown for a few drinks after work. She drove. At the end of the night, she had a parking ticket. I was surprised when she said I should pay half, especially since she knows money is tight for me right now. I think Diane is being unfair. I wouldn't expect her to pay half of it if it was my ticket. Am I wrong? -- CONFUSED IN FLORIDA

DEAR CONFUSED: She provided the transportation. I assume she paid for the gas. Since you were together when she got the parking ticket, it would have been nice if you had OFFERED to pay half the ticket. That's how friends treat each other.

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to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: My mother died when I was 7. I'm 13 now, and my father just told me Mom suffered from bad depression toward the end of her life. He also said that it would worry him a great deal if I had depression, too.

I'm afraid I do. I get sad easily and I have thought about suicide, but I don't know why. It could be the stress of my family life, but it can't still be about my mother's passing, can it? That was six years ago.

I actually scare myself sometimes, but I don't think my depression is bad enough to see someone about it.

What do you think? -- SCARED IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR SCARED: It's time to talk to your father. Depression can run in families. You also need to tell a professional exactly what you have told me. Please don't put it off. The sooner you get professional help, the sooner you will feel better.

DEAR ABBY: I am unemployed right now. I become extremely nervous when I fill out a job application because I have a bankruptcy on my record. Several potential employers have indicated they will check my credit rating as part of their standard background search. I was having terrible money problems when I filed bankruptcy a little over a year ago. But since then I have joined a 12-step group called Debtors Anonymous, and it is helping me a great deal. If I didn't have this bankruptcy on my credit report, I don't think I'd have any trouble at all getting a job.

How should I handle this at a job interview? -- RECOVERING DEBTOR

DEAR RECOVERING: Tell the truth. The way the economy has been, you won't be the only one with a bankruptcy showing up on your credit report. To admit that you had a problem and are doing something about it is nothing to be ashamed of.

DEAR ABBY: I was in the parking lot of a shopping center when I noticed an older woman two cars away yelling and hitting a little girl. The girl looked about 6 or 7.

I got into my car, pulled up next to them and called out, "Are you OK?" The little girl was crying and trying to straighten her scarf; the woman snapped back, "Yes, she's OK!"

This kind of behavior really bothers me. I frequently see adults slap, hit, pinch and berate their children -- even babies in strollers. These adults seem to be out of control, and everybody ignores them or looks away.

Sometimes I stare at the parent or walk slowly by to let them know that I know what they're doing. One time, I reported a mother who kept slapping and scolding her Down syndrome daughter. The girl was doing nothing wrong and kept repeating, "I'm your FRIEND." It turns out slapping is legal in Virginia where I live. And by the way, I live in one of the wealthiest counties in the nation.

What can I do to help some of these kids? Any suggestions would be appreciated. -- SAD AND DISGUSTED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR SAD AND DISGUSTED: I checked with several state agencies and found out that although slapping may be legal in Virginia, the state policy is "open to interpretation." The Virginia Department of Social Services operates a 24-hour statewide, child-abuse-reporting hot line. If a report is deemed valid, a local agency will conduct an investigation. The in-state number is (800) 552-7096; from out of state, the number is (804) 786-8536.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)