DEAR ABBY: My mother died when I was 7. I'm 13 now, and my father just told me Mom suffered from bad depression toward the end of her life. He also said that it would worry him a great deal if I had depression, too.

I'm afraid I do. I get sad easily and I have thought about suicide, but I don't know why. It could be the stress of my family life, but it can't still be about my mother's passing, can it? That was six years ago.

I actually scare myself sometimes, but I don't think my depression is bad enough to see someone about it.

What do you think? -- SCARED IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR SCARED: It's time to talk to your father. Depression can run in families. You also need to tell a professional exactly what you have told me. Please don't put it off. The sooner you get professional help, the sooner you will feel better.

DEAR ABBY: I am unemployed right now. I become extremely nervous when I fill out a job application because I have a bankruptcy on my record. Several potential employers have indicated they will check my credit rating as part of their standard background search. I was having terrible money problems when I filed bankruptcy a little over a year ago. But since then I have joined a 12-step group called Debtors Anonymous, and it is helping me a great deal. If I didn't have this bankruptcy on my credit report, I don't think I'd have any trouble at all getting a job.

How should I handle this at a job interview? -- RECOVERING DEBTOR

DEAR RECOVERING: Tell the truth. The way the economy has been, you won't be the only one with a bankruptcy showing up on your credit report. To admit that you had a problem and are doing something about it is nothing to be ashamed of.

DEAR ABBY: I was in the parking lot of a shopping center when I noticed an older woman two cars away yelling and hitting a little girl. The girl looked about 6 or 7.

I got into my car, pulled up next to them and called out, "Are you OK?" The little girl was crying and trying to straighten her scarf; the woman snapped back, "Yes, she's OK!"

This kind of behavior really bothers me. I frequently see adults slap, hit, pinch and berate their children -- even babies in strollers. These adults seem to be out of control, and everybody ignores them or looks away.

Sometimes I stare at the parent or walk slowly by to let them know that I know what they're doing. One time, I reported a mother who kept slapping and scolding her Down syndrome daughter. The girl was doing nothing wrong and kept repeating, "I'm your FRIEND." It turns out slapping is legal in Virginia where I live. And by the way, I live in one of the wealthiest counties in the nation.

What can I do to help some of these kids? Any suggestions would be appreciated. -- SAD AND DISGUSTED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR SAD AND DISGUSTED: I checked with several state agencies and found out that although slapping may be legal in Virginia, the state policy is "open to interpretation." The Virginia Department of Social Services operates a 24-hour statewide, child-abuse-reporting hot line. If a report is deemed valid, a local agency will conduct an investigation. The in-state number is (800) 552-7096; from out of state, the number is (804) 786-8536.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: At 19, I chose to give up my first child for adoption. "Billy" is now 5, and I have a great relationship with him and his adoptive parents. I've never regretted my decision.

We have been open about his adoption from the beginning. Billy often asks questions, much deeper than one would expect from a 5-year-old, and expresses some confusion. He understands that he came from my tummy but that he has his own parents. He knows that he is part of my family as well as his own, and when he met my mom, he chose to call her "Grandma." What Billy doesn't understand is why all his friends came from their mommy's tummies and he couldn't come from his adoptive mom's tummy. He also often expresses a desire for a brother or sister.

I am now engaged to be married to a wonderful man. We just found out that I am pregnant. I'd like Billy to be the ring bearer at my wedding, but I don't want to mislead anyone by introducing him and his family as "close friends of the family." We also don't want to overwhelm Billy with all this new information when he is struggling with so much confusion already. (Most of my extended family is not aware of Billy's existence.)

Also, since I'll be pregnant at the wedding and Billy knows he came from my tummy, a 5-year-old's deduction would be that he is finally getting a brother or sister. How do we explain that I loved him so much that I gave him to his mommy and daddy but I'll be keeping this baby? -- BIRTH MOTHER IN PHILLY

DEAR BIRTH MOTHER: I know you are well-intentioned, but I urge you to rethink having Billy be a part of your wedding. Please consider the effect it would have on him to be introduced to your extended family for the first time at your wedding. Also, the question of why you would "give him away" and keep the other child is one that should be dealt with over time -- and by his adoptive parents with support from you if necessary.

As he grows older, he will have more questions, and they should be answered honestly and at an age-appropriate level.

For now, however, I think creating some distance would be healthier for all concerned.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 17-year-old girl in my last year of high school. Throughout school I have made good grades and participated in the band as well as my sport outside of school.

My problem is this year I coach my sport twice a week in addition to playing on the team, playing in the band, and trying to keep my grades up for university and scholarship applications. On top of that, I have a full course load.

Abby, I can't do it all! When I get home at night, I'm so tired I can barely finish my homework or study for tests. My marks have begun to suffer, I'm having trouble sleeping, and I cry a lot. I have begged my parents to let me drop something, but they won't let me. I really want to do everything, but I can't.

How can I get my parents to understand? -- TOO TIRED TO STUDY

DEAR TOO TIRED: Since your parents don't seem to be getting the message, find an ally to whom they will listen. Confide in a trusted teacher or school counselor, and ask that person to intervene for you before your stress level gets any higher. No one can do everything, and perhaps your parents need to hear it from an educator.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: May your heart always play a song of joy, and when there are tears, may they nourish the seeds of your dreams so that they grow into reality. (Author unknown)

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DEAR ABBY: I am extremely concerned about my wife, "Jackie's," drinking. She has only two glasses of wine every night after work, but the glasses are large, and two of them measure out to an entire bottle.

When she drinks, she slurs her words and her mood swings from happy and gentle to confrontational and angry. Some nights are worse than others. She drinks even more on weekends when we go out.

At times, our children are the target of her verbal abuse. (She is never physically abusive.)

I have read that a glass or two of wine is good for your health. I think a bottle is excessive. I have confronted her, but nothing changes. Her drinking continues.

Abby, what is considered a "glass" of wine? Is a bottle a day substance abuse? I'm afraid I'm married to an alcoholic. I want to end this, but I won't for our children's sake. Please help. -- LIVING WITH AN ALCOHOLIC

DEAR LIVING: Your fears are well-founded. Your wife must be using a water goblet and filling it to the brim. This is not beneficial to anyone's health. A "glass" of wine is 4 ounces.

Before your wife's verbal abuse damages the children any further, give her an ultimatum –- get help or get out (and you're keeping the children). This may sound extreme, but immediate action is called for. You and your children may also want to consider seeking support from Al-Anon. It's in the phone book.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 45-year-old woman in love with a 61-year-old man I'll call Edgar. We have been together for 22 years. We are not married. This entire time, Edgar has been married to another woman I'll call Sherene. He has not lived with or slept with Sherene for 30 years. When I bring up the subject of marriage, Edgar always says he is going to get a divorce. After 22 years with me, it hasn't happened.

Abby, if Edgar dropped dead tomorrow, Sherene would be recognized as his wife -– not me. She will be able to draw his Social Security and take anything and everything –- our car, house, etc.

I need to know, should I put my foot down and demand marriage or separation? -- SLEEPING BEAUTY IN MIAMI

DEAR SLEEPING BEAUTY: I'm pleased you finally woke up. Your assessment of the situation is 100 percent correct. If anything happens to Edgar, you will be shafted.

A person who cares about the well-being of another wants to ensure that person will be safe and secure if disaster strikes. The only two things we can be absolutely sure of are death and taxes. Talk to a lawyer!

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Smile and the world smiles with you. Snore and you sleep alone. (Tillie M. Brehl; submitted by her daughter, Ilene R. Bauer)

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