DEAR ABBY: At 19, I chose to give up my first child for adoption. "Billy" is now 5, and I have a great relationship with him and his adoptive parents. I've never regretted my decision.

We have been open about his adoption from the beginning. Billy often asks questions, much deeper than one would expect from a 5-year-old, and expresses some confusion. He understands that he came from my tummy but that he has his own parents. He knows that he is part of my family as well as his own, and when he met my mom, he chose to call her "Grandma." What Billy doesn't understand is why all his friends came from their mommy's tummies and he couldn't come from his adoptive mom's tummy. He also often expresses a desire for a brother or sister.

I am now engaged to be married to a wonderful man. We just found out that I am pregnant. I'd like Billy to be the ring bearer at my wedding, but I don't want to mislead anyone by introducing him and his family as "close friends of the family." We also don't want to overwhelm Billy with all this new information when he is struggling with so much confusion already. (Most of my extended family is not aware of Billy's existence.)

Also, since I'll be pregnant at the wedding and Billy knows he came from my tummy, a 5-year-old's deduction would be that he is finally getting a brother or sister. How do we explain that I loved him so much that I gave him to his mommy and daddy but I'll be keeping this baby? -- BIRTH MOTHER IN PHILLY

DEAR BIRTH MOTHER: I know you are well-intentioned, but I urge you to rethink having Billy be a part of your wedding. Please consider the effect it would have on him to be introduced to your extended family for the first time at your wedding. Also, the question of why you would "give him away" and keep the other child is one that should be dealt with over time -- and by his adoptive parents with support from you if necessary.

As he grows older, he will have more questions, and they should be answered honestly and at an age-appropriate level.

For now, however, I think creating some distance would be healthier for all concerned.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 17-year-old girl in my last year of high school. Throughout school I have made good grades and participated in the band as well as my sport outside of school.

My problem is this year I coach my sport twice a week in addition to playing on the team, playing in the band, and trying to keep my grades up for university and scholarship applications. On top of that, I have a full course load.

Abby, I can't do it all! When I get home at night, I'm so tired I can barely finish my homework or study for tests. My marks have begun to suffer, I'm having trouble sleeping, and I cry a lot. I have begged my parents to let me drop something, but they won't let me. I really want to do everything, but I can't.

How can I get my parents to understand? -- TOO TIRED TO STUDY

DEAR TOO TIRED: Since your parents don't seem to be getting the message, find an ally to whom they will listen. Confide in a trusted teacher or school counselor, and ask that person to intervene for you before your stress level gets any higher. No one can do everything, and perhaps your parents need to hear it from an educator.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: May your heart always play a song of joy, and when there are tears, may they nourish the seeds of your dreams so that they grow into reality. (Author unknown)

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am extremely concerned about my wife, "Jackie's," drinking. She has only two glasses of wine every night after work, but the glasses are large, and two of them measure out to an entire bottle.

When she drinks, she slurs her words and her mood swings from happy and gentle to confrontational and angry. Some nights are worse than others. She drinks even more on weekends when we go out.

At times, our children are the target of her verbal abuse. (She is never physically abusive.)

I have read that a glass or two of wine is good for your health. I think a bottle is excessive. I have confronted her, but nothing changes. Her drinking continues.

Abby, what is considered a "glass" of wine? Is a bottle a day substance abuse? I'm afraid I'm married to an alcoholic. I want to end this, but I won't for our children's sake. Please help. -- LIVING WITH AN ALCOHOLIC

DEAR LIVING: Your fears are well-founded. Your wife must be using a water goblet and filling it to the brim. This is not beneficial to anyone's health. A "glass" of wine is 4 ounces.

Before your wife's verbal abuse damages the children any further, give her an ultimatum –- get help or get out (and you're keeping the children). This may sound extreme, but immediate action is called for. You and your children may also want to consider seeking support from Al-Anon. It's in the phone book.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 45-year-old woman in love with a 61-year-old man I'll call Edgar. We have been together for 22 years. We are not married. This entire time, Edgar has been married to another woman I'll call Sherene. He has not lived with or slept with Sherene for 30 years. When I bring up the subject of marriage, Edgar always says he is going to get a divorce. After 22 years with me, it hasn't happened.

Abby, if Edgar dropped dead tomorrow, Sherene would be recognized as his wife -– not me. She will be able to draw his Social Security and take anything and everything –- our car, house, etc.

I need to know, should I put my foot down and demand marriage or separation? -- SLEEPING BEAUTY IN MIAMI

DEAR SLEEPING BEAUTY: I'm pleased you finally woke up. Your assessment of the situation is 100 percent correct. If anything happens to Edgar, you will be shafted.

A person who cares about the well-being of another wants to ensure that person will be safe and secure if disaster strikes. The only two things we can be absolutely sure of are death and taxes. Talk to a lawyer!

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Smile and the world smiles with you. Snore and you sleep alone. (Tillie M. Brehl; submitted by her daughter, Ilene R. Bauer)

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I've been dating this really great guy, "Josh," for about two months. I really like him, but I don't like his mother. Josh and I are both 20 and live with our parents.

Josh's mother is super-controlling. Whenever we go out, she has to know where we are going and what time he will be home. And she calls MY cell phone during the date to check up on him. She's always calling me to try to find out where he is.

I really like Josh, but I'm tired of dating his mother, too. How should I handle this without hurting anyone? -- TIRED OF DOUBLE-DATING

DEAR TIRED: Turn off your cell phone, or leave it at home when you go out with Josh. His mother is having trouble accepting the fact that her son is no longer a child –- but that shouldn't be your problem. Josh is overdue for a talk with his mother about boundaries.

If her behavior bothers Josh as well, perhaps it's time that he became financially independent and moved into his own place. As long as he lives under his parents' roof, he is still their "child" and will be treated accordingly.

DEAR ABBY: I have been living with "Neal" for three years. Neal works from home for only a few hours a day. He pays all the bills, so I don't have a problem with his choice of work. What bothers me is I have no time to myself because he's always there.

Neal demands so much attention from me that I can't even read a recipe without him interrupting. I am not a wimp, but Neal has the more dominant personality and controls what we do with our time. At least it feels that way to me. But according to Neal, I don't give him ENOUGH time.

Since I moved in, I have not achieved any personal goals or even given as much love and attention to others as I used to. I rarely pursue interests of my own and almost never spend time doing things I want to do. I feel like I'm losing my individuality.

I love Neal, and I'm not even sure he is the problem. I think I need to be more assertive about where my life is going.

Is there a book or support group for someone like me? Am I just depressed? Obviously I don't have the drive to pursue my own interests. I will appreciate any advice you can give. -- LOST IN HIS WORLD

DEAR LOST: You ask if you are depressed because you don't have enough drive to pursue your own interests. I think it may be the other way around -- you don't pursue your own interests because you're depressed.

You say you "don't mind" Neal being home all the time because he pays the bills. Why is it that you aren't working? It would give you a degree of independence and self-determination that seems to be lacking. Assertiveness classes could help you, and books on co-dependency could also give you some insight.

Since you are not married to Neal, you might also consider moving out until you can establish where he ends and you begin before he smothers you completely.

DEAR ABBY: How do you tell your daughter and son-in-law not to call or come over? I have been ripped off by them more times than I can count. I have been cussed out and yelled at on the phone. They make my life a living hell.

My daughter calls other people to see if they got a dollar more than she did for a gift. When her name shows up on the caller ID, I won't answer because I know what is ahead of me. I can't take much more of this. Please tell me what to do. -- A NERVOUS WRECK

DEAR NERVOUS: There comes a time when a person has done enough, and you appear to have reached that point. Do not shell out one penny more, and if your daughter shows up at your door -– don't answer.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)