DEAR ABBY: I am extremely concerned about my wife, "Jackie's," drinking. She has only two glasses of wine every night after work, but the glasses are large, and two of them measure out to an entire bottle.

When she drinks, she slurs her words and her mood swings from happy and gentle to confrontational and angry. Some nights are worse than others. She drinks even more on weekends when we go out.

At times, our children are the target of her verbal abuse. (She is never physically abusive.)

I have read that a glass or two of wine is good for your health. I think a bottle is excessive. I have confronted her, but nothing changes. Her drinking continues.

Abby, what is considered a "glass" of wine? Is a bottle a day substance abuse? I'm afraid I'm married to an alcoholic. I want to end this, but I won't for our children's sake. Please help. -- LIVING WITH AN ALCOHOLIC

DEAR LIVING: Your fears are well-founded. Your wife must be using a water goblet and filling it to the brim. This is not beneficial to anyone's health. A "glass" of wine is 4 ounces.

Before your wife's verbal abuse damages the children any further, give her an ultimatum –- get help or get out (and you're keeping the children). This may sound extreme, but immediate action is called for. You and your children may also want to consider seeking support from Al-Anon. It's in the phone book.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 45-year-old woman in love with a 61-year-old man I'll call Edgar. We have been together for 22 years. We are not married. This entire time, Edgar has been married to another woman I'll call Sherene. He has not lived with or slept with Sherene for 30 years. When I bring up the subject of marriage, Edgar always says he is going to get a divorce. After 22 years with me, it hasn't happened.

Abby, if Edgar dropped dead tomorrow, Sherene would be recognized as his wife -– not me. She will be able to draw his Social Security and take anything and everything –- our car, house, etc.

I need to know, should I put my foot down and demand marriage or separation? -- SLEEPING BEAUTY IN MIAMI

DEAR SLEEPING BEAUTY: I'm pleased you finally woke up. Your assessment of the situation is 100 percent correct. If anything happens to Edgar, you will be shafted.

A person who cares about the well-being of another wants to ensure that person will be safe and secure if disaster strikes. The only two things we can be absolutely sure of are death and taxes. Talk to a lawyer!

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: Smile and the world smiles with you. Snore and you sleep alone. (Tillie M. Brehl; submitted by her daughter, Ilene R. Bauer)

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I've been dating this really great guy, "Josh," for about two months. I really like him, but I don't like his mother. Josh and I are both 20 and live with our parents.

Josh's mother is super-controlling. Whenever we go out, she has to know where we are going and what time he will be home. And she calls MY cell phone during the date to check up on him. She's always calling me to try to find out where he is.

I really like Josh, but I'm tired of dating his mother, too. How should I handle this without hurting anyone? -- TIRED OF DOUBLE-DATING

DEAR TIRED: Turn off your cell phone, or leave it at home when you go out with Josh. His mother is having trouble accepting the fact that her son is no longer a child –- but that shouldn't be your problem. Josh is overdue for a talk with his mother about boundaries.

If her behavior bothers Josh as well, perhaps it's time that he became financially independent and moved into his own place. As long as he lives under his parents' roof, he is still their "child" and will be treated accordingly.

DEAR ABBY: I have been living with "Neal" for three years. Neal works from home for only a few hours a day. He pays all the bills, so I don't have a problem with his choice of work. What bothers me is I have no time to myself because he's always there.

Neal demands so much attention from me that I can't even read a recipe without him interrupting. I am not a wimp, but Neal has the more dominant personality and controls what we do with our time. At least it feels that way to me. But according to Neal, I don't give him ENOUGH time.

Since I moved in, I have not achieved any personal goals or even given as much love and attention to others as I used to. I rarely pursue interests of my own and almost never spend time doing things I want to do. I feel like I'm losing my individuality.

I love Neal, and I'm not even sure he is the problem. I think I need to be more assertive about where my life is going.

Is there a book or support group for someone like me? Am I just depressed? Obviously I don't have the drive to pursue my own interests. I will appreciate any advice you can give. -- LOST IN HIS WORLD

DEAR LOST: You ask if you are depressed because you don't have enough drive to pursue your own interests. I think it may be the other way around -- you don't pursue your own interests because you're depressed.

You say you "don't mind" Neal being home all the time because he pays the bills. Why is it that you aren't working? It would give you a degree of independence and self-determination that seems to be lacking. Assertiveness classes could help you, and books on co-dependency could also give you some insight.

Since you are not married to Neal, you might also consider moving out until you can establish where he ends and you begin before he smothers you completely.

DEAR ABBY: How do you tell your daughter and son-in-law not to call or come over? I have been ripped off by them more times than I can count. I have been cussed out and yelled at on the phone. They make my life a living hell.

My daughter calls other people to see if they got a dollar more than she did for a gift. When her name shows up on the caller ID, I won't answer because I know what is ahead of me. I can't take much more of this. Please tell me what to do. -- A NERVOUS WRECK

DEAR NERVOUS: There comes a time when a person has done enough, and you appear to have reached that point. Do not shell out one penny more, and if your daughter shows up at your door -– don't answer.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: When my husband or I pick up our 7-year-old daughter at school -- seven blocks from our home -- we often see two 5-year-old girls who attend the same school. They walk the whole way home by themselves and pass our block every day. There are major intersections they must cross to get home. My daughter tells me that sometimes they don't look before stepping into the street. At one intersection, the light changes before you can reach the other sidewalk, and even I have to run before the traffic starts moving.

I am afraid for these children. Other parents have mentioned seeing them navigating the streets alone. To me that means there could be a predator watching, too.

On the days that my husband or I walk, we wouldn't mind inviting these little ones to walk with us. I want to give their guardians a note saying so, but the girls were probably told not to talk to strangers. I don't want a predator to see me talking to the children and realize there is no one protecting them.

Please tell me what I should do. -- AFRAID FOR THE CHILDREN

DEAR AFRAID: You have every reason to be concerned. It frightens me to hear about two 5-year-olds walking home without supervision. Talk to the school principal about this so he or she can contact the parents. If that doesn't solve the problem, report it to the police. It is child endangerment.

DEAR ABBY: Last February, my husband suffered an anoxic brain injury -- lack of oxygen to the brain. Needless to say, he is no longer the man he was.

Our friends have all disappeared. They tell me it's hard for them to see him like this. How do they think I feel?

Am I wrong to feel hurt? I don't understand why they can't even call. Talking has always been an outlet for me, but no one ever calls me anymore. No one knows how someone else feels until they've been there, but what happened to, "I'll be there for you," or "Call if you need me"? I wouldn't ask them for anything but conversation.

Is it normal for people to avoid friends when they are in trouble or pain? -- FRIENDLESS IN GEORGIA

DEAR FRIENDLESS: It's human, it's common -- but it's cowardly. You have my sympathy, but it's time you stopped waiting for calls that never come and do something on your own behalf. Rather than dwelling on how these supposed "friends" have let you down, your time would be better spent with a caregiver support group. You'll find you have much in common. Locate one by calling the National Family Caregivers Association, toll-free, at (800) 896-3650, or visiting the Web site at www.nfcacares.org. There is also an organization called Faith in Action that offers respite care to caregivers like yourself. The toll-free number is (877) 324-8411. Adult day care for your husband could give you some much-needed time to rest and rejuvenate. Please consider it.

DEAR ABBY: Once you have been married and then divorced, must you always check "divorced" when filling out forms? Or is there a time when you can go back to "single"? -- STEPHANIE IN GAINESVILLE, FLA.

DEAR STEPHANIE: I'm not sure what kinds of forms you're referring to. Frankly, I find the question presumptuous, and I don't see why either has to be marked -- unless it's for something like an insurance form or a background check.

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