DEAR ABBY: I am 16 years old and have been dating "Nora" for about six months. I love her, but I can't continue dating her because I recently realized I am more attracted to guys. We've been having sex for a little while, and I know Nora will be brokenhearted if I break up with her. But I am living a lie. How do I tell her? -- LIVING A LIE

DEAR LIVING: Before making any announcements, I urge you to think carefully about the implications. If you tell Nora, there is a strong possibility that she will tell others. How do your parents feel about gays? How do your friends at school regard homosexuality?

As much as you may care for Nora, unless you are ready to be completely "out," it might be safer for you to allow the relationship to taper off. If she insists on a reason, tell her you are not ready for a serious commitment. It would be kinder than letting her think she doesn't measure up.

DEAR ABBY: I've done something I'm ashamed of, and I have no way to apologize other than to hope the person I offended may see this.

On Christmas Eve, I was stuck in traffic and a woman with a carload of kids pushed into the intersection so far that I had no choice but to let her pass. She waved and I made a vulgar gesture.

I am over 50, well-educated, have good common sense and should know better. The look of horror and hurt on that woman's face was devastating. My grown daughter was in the car with me! I let her down, and I let myself down.

I apologized to my daughter, but she will never forget that stupid act. I wish there were some way to change what I did. If the woman who was in that car reads this, I hope she knows that I am sorry I ruined her Christmas spirit. It is all I have been able to think about since that night. Please forgive me. -- ASHAMED IN MIDLOTHIAN, VA.

DEAR ASHAMED: I'm printing your letter for all to see. Sad to say, I'm sure many people will think the letter is intended for them.

P.S. Contrition is a first step toward growth. Forgive yourself for your silly burst of temper and promise to behave better in the future.

DEAR ABBY: Last March I had emergency surgery and was in the hospital for almost a month. It took me five months to fully recover. My family was wonderful. They sent gifts, called frequently and visited me. Their support helped to speed my recovery, and I returned to work and school sooner than expected.

The anniversary of my surgery is coming up, and I am planning a celebration to thank everyone for their generosity. I want to make sure no one brings a gift and they know the party is for them. What would be the appropriate wording for the invitation? -- CELEBRATING IN OHIO

DEAR CELEBRATING: When you extend the invitation, make no reference to the fact that it is for anything other than "a dinner party." When your guests have assembled, break out the champagne, make a toast in their honor -- before you all get toasted -- and tell them the party is for them.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: Happy Valentine's Day. Pheromones fill the air! Although my column serves as a trouble dump for folks in dysfunctional relationships, not all of the mail I receive comes from unhappy people. Because it's Valentine's Day -- the day we express love for one another -- allow me to share some of my treasures.

From a technical sergeant stationed in South Korea:

DEAR ABBY: I miss my home and family. I realize more and more how important they are.

I owe a special person some overdue recognition. She has sacrificed and coped with much frustration without complaint or a second thought. She has moved thousands of miles from home to strange countries and managed to ensure that our house always felt like home. She has crammed four sometimes cranky people into a tiny hotel room for a month at a time until we could find suitable housing, improvising because our personal belongings were still in shipment. She has been a single parent while I attended schools to further my career, and she sacrificed countless high-paying jobs as we were again uprooted to satisfy the needs of the military.

During my year away, I've realized how important she has been to everything I have accomplished. While I have been furthering my career and serving my country, she has been raising our children, paying our bills, taking care of our home, managing our bank accounts and holding down a full-time job.

This person is my wife, Kim. She has been through it all -- the disappointment, the frustration, the aggravation and the happiness. Whenever I needed her, she was there. She's the best partner a man could ask for, and I am honored that she is mine.

I want to say to my wife, Kimberly Moonbeams: "I love you. You are the one who deserves the praise and the glory. I can't begin to measure how important you are. You are the glue that has held our family together."

Please, Abby, print this. Let all military spouses, especially my wife, know how important they are to the men and women who serve our great country. -- GRATEFUL MILITARY HUSBAND

DEAR GRATEFUL: I'm pleased to do it. Our soldiers may wear the medals, but the loving families who support them are our unsung heroes.

From Clearwater, Fla.:

DEAR ABBY: I'm one of the luckiest teenagers. I have two wonderful parents who go out of their way to make sure I'm happy and safe. I have the best sisters anyone could ask for -- they are my best friends. I have an angel for a grandmother who makes sure I am spoiled with love.

Please print this so my family will know how much I appreciate and love them. I don't know what I'd do without them. They mean more to me than life itself. I know I can be a burden sometimes, but y'all were always there for me. Thank you, Mom, Dad, Granny, Michelle, Jessica, Tricia and Keri Anne. I love you with every part of my heart and soul. You are more than family -- you are also my friends. --ELIZABETH FRAZER

DEAR ELIZABETH: What a love letter. I'm sure they'll get the message.

From Washington state:

DEAR ABBY: I work in Alaska on a fish processing boat. I'm gone six months every year. My husband holds down a demanding job 40 hours a week, runs our house and takes care of our three super kids while I'm away. I'd like to thank him for all he does. I love you, honey. You're the best. -- MRS. WONDERFUL

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Your response to "Wavering," whose husband wanted her to accompany him to a swingers' party, was right on. If she goes, not only will the dynamics of her marriage change forever, she may never regain her self-confidence.

My husband talked me into the same thing in 1978, soon after our first child was born. I knew his first marriage had failed due to boredom, affairs, etc., and I naively thought it would keep him from straying. By the late '80s, I could no longer handle the lifestyle and the constant worry about AIDS. I finally got strong enough to say, "No more!"

In 2001, one year short of our silver anniversary, I learned my husband had been having affairs throughout our entire relationship, with or without the parties. We have been separated ever since, but only recently has he admitted that he needs help and is finally getting it -- too late for us.

Throughout our entire marriage, I never felt good enough because my husband always wanted something more. I didn't know until I began counseling, after our separation, that there was nothing I could have done to change his behavior or to satisfy him.

I wish I could take back all the swinging. I am so ashamed. I have herpes, but thank God I don't have AIDS. (By the way, he infected me with herpes before we ever started going to the swingers' parties.) I was too blind to see the truth.

Please tell "Wavering" NEVER to give in. Due to his sexual addiction, it's possible that her husband is already cheating. -- FOOLED FOR YEARS

DEAR FOOLED: Thank you for the powerful testimonial. While some couples argue that swinging opens up new doors of adventure, I see it as slamming the door on what should be a precious, meaningful, mutual demonstration of love between husband and wife.

Regret is the cancer of life. You cannot change the past. I hope you are still in counseling because it will help you to forgive yourself for your mistake.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 15-year-old girl who feels taken advantage of by my neighbor, "Tammy."

I baby-sat for her. But when it came time to pay me the $20 she owed me, Tammy said she didn't have the cash on her and promised to pay me the next day. Well, she never did. Recently Tammy told me she'd pay me for dog sitting. She still owes me that money, too.

I am sick of doing jobs for her without getting anything in return. Am I selfish for not wanting to help Tammy any more? Is it wrong to expect to be paid at the end of the job? Or should I let things slide and think of it as pure generosity? -- UNPAID HELP IN KNOXVILLE

DEAR UNPAID: No, you should not let it slide. Your neighbor is taking advantage of your youth and inexperience. The next time she asks to hire you, make it clear that until she makes good on the money she owes you, you are not available.

DEAR ABBY: We've included our 2 1/2-year-old child's voice on our answering machine greeting. Recently an attorney advised us against this because of all the weirdos out there.

What is the safest message to put on an answering machine these days? -- CONCERNED PARENTS

DEAR CONCERNED: An adult male voice should say, "Please leave your name, number, the time and date that you called and a brief message, and we will get back to you."

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)