DEAR ABBY: Two years ago, my 8-year-old daughter and her friend were molested by a teenage boy from our church. My daughter came to me and told me about it. I immediately took her to the hospital and called the police.

This began a year of talking to detectives, district attorneys and therapists. During all this time, we were urged by friends of the boy's parents and other church members not to press charges. We had to move twice to avoid conflict with all the people who thought he was innocent.

When the court date finally arrived, my daughter and her friend took the stand separately to tell their stories while the boy and his parents stared at them.

My daughter showed remarkable courage. When the public defender tried to twist her words, she stood firm. At one point, she told the public defender that he was a liar when he said something untrue. She actually made the judge laugh.

I will not tell you she wasn't upset when she walked out of the courtroom. She went to her friend and gave her a big hug. Then her friend went in to testify. The boy was convicted.

I am sharing this story because our children are stronger than we give them credit for. Professionals have told me that the reason my daughter is OK now is because I let her stand up for herself and I believed in her.

I encourage parents and guardians of molested children to let the children stand up for themselves. Don't try to shelter them from the legal process. It is healing for them to assert their rights. -- STANDING UP FOR CHILDREN'S RIGHTS

DEAR STANDING UP: Thank you for the great letter. When you encouraged your daughter to fight back using the legal system, you empowered her and gave her closure. Too many innocent victims remain silent out of shame and fear -– and by doing so, they carry wounds that can last a lifetime.

DEAR ABBY: I have a 10-year-old daughter from a previous marriage. She thinks my husband is her real father. She even carries his last name. Her real dad was an abusive drug addict who has had no contact with us.

Should I tell her the truth now? One day? Ever? I don't want him in her life, but I'm afraid that someday someone may slip and tell her, and then she will never forgive me.

Abby, this is so hard. I don't want to hurt my daughter, my husband or my other kids. -- NEEDS HELP IN TEXAS

DEAR NEEDS: Tell your daughter now that you were married once before. She will have questions. Answer them honestly. The longer you put this off, the greater her shock will be. So do it now.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a single father of an 18-month-old and am wondering why so many public places have no baby-changing stations available in areas where men can use them. I find it hard to shop or go out to eat because of this. I hope somebody can rectify this problem, or a lot of single dads will be looking for other places to spend their money. -- SINGLE DAD IN NEW YORK

DEAR SINGLE DAD: Over the past 10 years, I have noticed more and more fathers out with their babies and small children at shopping centers, restaurants, etc. Businesses that fail to recognize this culture change are shortsighted when they make it difficult for single dads or fathers who have their little ones for visitation. A word to the wise ...

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I can't stop thinking about the letter from the girl whose boyfriend threatened to kill her parents if she breaks up with him.

When my cousin was 14, her parents forced her to break up with a boy who was too old for her. His solution was to shoot her and himself. She survived but was left a paraplegic.

Your advice to that girl was right on. You advised her to tell her parents immediately. That way, they can take the necessary precautions. The girl should not assume that her own life is safe. Logic has nothing to do with obsession, and that boy is clearly obsessed. -- CONCERNED IN CANTON, GA.

DEAR CONCERNED: When I printed that letter, I thought it was unusual. To my dismay, I have a bushel of mail and e-mail on my desk that proves otherwise. Read on for a sample:

DEAR ABBY: Your advice to "Anonymous in Fort Myers, Fla." was correct. When I was a teen, my best friend was also dating a controlling guy her parents weren't too sure about. He raped her, but she stayed with him anyway.

When she became pregnant, he beat her almost to death. She lost the baby and very nearly her life. Please let that girl know how important it is for that guy to be out of her and her family's lives. -- LORI IN FORT BELVOIR, VA.

DEAR LORI: You're right. If the young man would threaten the lives of her parents because he wasn't getting his way, it doesn't take a large leap of logic to conclude that at some point, he could turn on her. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Lifelong sufferers of domestic violence often begin that sad journey as teenagers, tolerating violent behavior from boyfriends. The boy in that letter isn't the only one who has mental problems. So does the girl. If her first serious relationship is with a boy as psychotic as that one and her problems are not addressed, she will continue to think that kind of behavior is normal. -- LONGTIME READER IN KANSAS

DEAR LONGTIME READER: Good point. Furthermore, the girl's first priority must be to protect her family.

DEAR ABBY: I was 17 when I tried to break off with a jealous and controlling boy like that one. He hinted that our house would not be safe, but I told no one. If I had turned him in, many lives would have turned out better.

About 10 years later, my mom saw him on television in a jail interview. He had raped more than 50 young women.

"Anonymous" should also tell her school counselor and the police about his threats in case his anger turns toward her. His parents also need to be told so they can get him the help he needs. -- SAN DIEGO READER

DEAR READER: I agree with that.

DEAR ABBY: I was in her shoes between the ages of 16 and 18. My boyfriend told me if I didn't move in with him, he'd kill my parents. So I moved in. It was pure hell. He broke my wrist, cracked my ribs, bruised me frequently -– for the rest of my life, I'll have scars as painful daily reminders.

She cannot change him. He may say he'd never hurt her, but she should listen to the threats he is already making. She must get him out of her life. I learned this firsthand. My former boyfriend is now in prison for killing his 9-month-old daughter. -- STILL RECOVERING IN OHIO

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am engaged to be married on Valentine's Day. He is a wonderful man; we have been together for three years. It will be the second marriage for both.

I really like this man. He's funny, witty and kind. He loves me and my children, and they love him very much.

My problem is I do not feel that we're soul mates. Is this just a fantasy? What if I'm making another mistake? I don't want to hurt anyone, but I can't help feeling that since I don't feel butterflies after being with him for more than three years, something is missing.

Am I being silly or looking for something that does not exist? -- STILL LONELY IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR STILL LONELY: The thing about "butterflies" is, if you don't catch them and mount them, they tend to fly away. I often suspect that when people talk about butterflies, they are describing a mixture of anxiety and excitement otherwise known as infatuation –- which isn't permanent.

However, if you truly feel lonely when you're with this funny, witty, kind and likable man, after three years of dating, then he isn't the life partner for you. Let him go. It wouldn't be much of a marriage if you felt you were in solitary confinement.

DEAR ABBY: I'm getting married in the summer. Everything is great except for one issue that is about to explode. I have two nieces, 3 and 8, who will be flower girls along with a third girl. My fiancee wants the girls to be taken to another room with a baby sitter after the ceremony and cocktail hour.

I fear an ugly scene because my older niece and I have a special relationship, and she loves weddings. My family would like her to stay for the reception.

It's the bride's day, of course, and I want her to have the wedding of her dreams. How should I handle this? -- GROOM-TO-BE WHO NEEDS HELP

DEAR GROOM-TO-BE: Handle it firmly. The wedding is not only the bride's day, it is also your day. While I understand the wisdom of the small children being entertained separately, the 8-year-old should be mature enough to behave properly at the celebration. Since you want her there, she should not be excluded.

DEAR ABBY: My 10-year-old son is extremely sensitive. The kids in his class know it and love to pick on him. I've talked to his teacher, but she can't seem to catch them in the act.

I don't know what else to do. He is becoming depressed and eating less and less. I'm worried about him, but I don't know what to tell him to make him feel better. How can I help him? -- CARING MOTHER IN GEORGIA

DEAR MOTHER: Get your son involved in outside activities and give him a chance to cultivate new friends who haven't been influenced by his classmates. This will also give him a chance to excel at something that interests him. Being bullied is something that can affect a person's self-image for many years. Some sessions with a counselor to help him build self-esteem may also be in order.

P.S. Most important, notify the school principal, who can and should implement a "zero tolerance" policy toward bullying.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)