DEAR ABBY: My 17-year-old son, "George," has a learning disability. I have to fight the school system to keep teachers from destroying his self-esteem. However, an even bigger problem is that my mother and my sister's boyfriend, "Tony," say cruel things to George.

Mother gives George a hard time because he won't try to read. I constantly tell her that he struggles hard to read, but doesn't comprehend what he's reading -- and it may never get better. Tony ridicules my son because he's a little overweight. How can I give George healthy self-esteem if others tear it down?

I also have a problem with the way Mother and Tony treat my 13-year-old daughter, "Allison." Allison is a tomboy who doesn't like to wear dresses. She prefers baggy clothes. She is a good kid. She's not into drugs, alcohol or sex. Mother berates her for not looking "like a lady," and Tony calls her a lesbian.

I hate to keep my children from seeing my mother or my sister, but it has reached the point where neither George nor Allison wants anything to do with them. How should I handle these so-called "loved ones" without starting a major war? -- MOM OF WONDERFUL CHILDREN IN INDIANA

DEAR MOM: As a parent, it is your job to protect your children and to act as their advocate. If you haven't done so, tell your mother and your sister's boyfriend that their name-calling is destructive and you want it stopped immediately. If they refuse, distance yourself and the children from their painful and abusive influence. Remember, your first obligation is to your children -- not your mother, and certainly not Tony.

DEAR ABBY: I'm married to a man who limits his social life to our relatives and me. That makes it very difficult for me to enjoy my own pursuits. When I want to go out, I have to give my husband a good reason and tell him every detail.

I invite him to movies and dinners out, but he's never interested. I try not to keep secrets from him, but I've reached the point where I feel like rebelling against his control.

It's wonderful that he loves to spend time with me, but I believe all couples require some outside interests and friends to maintain a balanced life. We've been together four years and were married last summer.

Is there any way to overcome these issues? -- MARRIED TO A CLINGING MAN

DEAR MARRIED: Yes. Marital counseling for both of you -- before he smothers you completely.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old girl who looks much older than my age. When older guys see me, they think that because I look 18, I must be 18. They don't believe me when I tell them my age. Some of them don't even care.

How do I get them to leave me alone? -- LOOKS 18 IN VIRGINIA

DEAR LOOKS 18: It's not hard. After you tell them you are only 13, if they persist, ask them, "Have you ever heard the word 'harassment'?"

If that doesn't discourage them, tell them your mother is very familiar with the word, and if they don't leave you alone, you'll tell HER they're harassing you.

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DEAR ABBY: My husband has been working out of the country for almost a year. Since he's been gone, I have turned into a housekeeping slob. I have a demanding job where I pick up the slack for missing personnel. I am one of a few musicians at church on Sundays. In addition, I'm struggling with a chronic back problem. I'm overwhelmed.

Cleaning the house has taken a back seat to all the other things I do, and now it is full of clutter. It's out of control.

Most of the time I feel like I don't care. How can I get out of this slump? I feel guilty when I watch my neighbors taking care of their homes. Please help me get going. -- NOT MOTIVATED IN ORANGE, CALIF.

DEAR NOT: Has it occurred to you that you might be depressed by your husband's long absence? The first thing to do is schedule an appointment with your physician for a complete check-up and a frank talk. Once that's done, ask a friend or two if they'll help you with the house over a weekend. Treat them to dinner and a movie afterward. Of course, for the same amount of money, you could probably hire someone to help you, but enlisting the help of friends would be more fun. And from my perspective, contact with friends is what you need right now. Good luck.

DEAR ABBY: There is a husband and wife in our church who drive everyone crazy. We live in a small rural area and most of our congregation are simple, modest folk.

These people live in a neighboring town in a very pretentious, affluent neighborhood. They drive an expensive SUV and are extravagant in everything they do. Their children misbehave often, and the whole family acts like they're better than everyone else. They are all spoiled, lacking in discipline, and seem to have behavior or emotional problems. Despite their bravado, they don't realize that everybody can see through them.

Maybe if you remind these individuals that God can see them, whether they are in church or not, they'll know they aren't fooling anyone. -- MISERABLE METHODIST IN NEW YORK

DEAR MISERABLE METHODIST: God can see you, too. And he has asked me to relay this message: "Happy are they who tend to their own gardens and waste not their time complaining about their neighbors' shortcomings."

DEAR ABBY: For three years in high school, I was sexually harassed by a boy I'll call "Tim." When he graduated, I thought my troubles were over. They're not. Due to a disability, I will not be going away to college. Tim is not going away for the same reason. We will both be attending the same community college.

I have contacted the head of security at the college and will be speaking to him soon.

How do I keep Tim from destroying my dignity like he did in high school? I am terrified of him. -- FEARFUL IN OHIO

DEAR FEARFUL: First of all, let's hope this young man has matured past the point where he would harass you. Neither of you are children anymore.

You are doing the right thing to take your concerns to the head of security. If that fails to resolve the problem, document any and all incidents and promptly report the harassment to the police department.

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to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I sympathize with "Waiting in Wisconsin," whose boyfriend promised her an engagement ring three years ago. Six months ago, I broke up with my boyfriend. We had lived together for four years and everyone assumed we would marry.

I needed to take the next step in our relationship. We discussed it, and he told me he was not ready and might not be for several more years -- if then. I agonized about it for several months. Then one day, I envisioned myself five years down the road in the same situation -- together but no closer to marriage. I broke down and cried.

It was then that I finally accepted what I already knew in my heart. If he wasn't ready in five years, he might never be. I moved out.

Upon reflection, I think part of the reason I needed the commitment was that I wasn't sure of his love for me. I also believe that he wasn't ready to get married because he wasn't convinced that our relationship was the best for him.

Your advice to "Waiting" was absolutely right. She should move on and waste no more time. I am now in a relationship that is more satisfying than I ever thought possible. Leaving that previous relationship was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but the best decision I've ever made because I listened to my heart. -- DID THE RIGHT THING, SANTA CLARA, CALIF.

DEAR D.T.R.T.: Making the decision to move on isn't easy. Sometimes admitting to ourselves that what we want may not be what the good Lord has planned for us can be painful. However, the most precious commodity we have is time. I'm pleased you didn't waste any more than you did.

Read on:

DEAR ABBY: For three years, the man I thought would be the father of my children talked about marriage. He would call me and say, "Start planning the wedding," and I'd be overjoyed. Then he'd say, "We'll do it after ( )." (He had a million excuses.)

The last straw was when he served in Iraq. We were rocky before he left. I stood by him and cried and waited for him to return home. The day he left Iraq, he called to say he had already asked his best friend to be our best man, and we'd be engaged before his discharge from the Army -- in two months' time.

Well, he got back. He got his discharge and moved to Texas -- and still no ring. I decided I'd had enough. Instead of getting my ring finger, he got another one.

I have never been happier. Please tell "Waiting" that the sooner she lets this loser go, the sooner she'll find a real man. -- NO MORE DRAMA IN GEORGIA

DEAR NO MORE DRAMA: They say a gesture is worth a thousand words. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: That woman should not wait another day to move on! My girlfriend was with her childhood sweetheart for 15 years. Each year, he would raise the income level he felt he needed before getting married. In the process, he diminished her self-esteem to the point that she felt no one would want her. She finally had enough and threw him out.

Within two weeks, he had another "sweetie" sleeping over, and six months later he married the girl. -- LIFE'S TOO SHORT

DEAR L.T.S.: How sad that it took your friend so long to realize she had made a bad investment. However, she should look on the bright side. If they were still together, she'd still be waiting.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)