DEAR ABBY: My husband has been working out of the country for almost a year. Since he's been gone, I have turned into a housekeeping slob. I have a demanding job where I pick up the slack for missing personnel. I am one of a few musicians at church on Sundays. In addition, I'm struggling with a chronic back problem. I'm overwhelmed.

Cleaning the house has taken a back seat to all the other things I do, and now it is full of clutter. It's out of control.

Most of the time I feel like I don't care. How can I get out of this slump? I feel guilty when I watch my neighbors taking care of their homes. Please help me get going. -- NOT MOTIVATED IN ORANGE, CALIF.

DEAR NOT: Has it occurred to you that you might be depressed by your husband's long absence? The first thing to do is schedule an appointment with your physician for a complete check-up and a frank talk. Once that's done, ask a friend or two if they'll help you with the house over a weekend. Treat them to dinner and a movie afterward. Of course, for the same amount of money, you could probably hire someone to help you, but enlisting the help of friends would be more fun. And from my perspective, contact with friends is what you need right now. Good luck.

DEAR ABBY: There is a husband and wife in our church who drive everyone crazy. We live in a small rural area and most of our congregation are simple, modest folk.

These people live in a neighboring town in a very pretentious, affluent neighborhood. They drive an expensive SUV and are extravagant in everything they do. Their children misbehave often, and the whole family acts like they're better than everyone else. They are all spoiled, lacking in discipline, and seem to have behavior or emotional problems. Despite their bravado, they don't realize that everybody can see through them.

Maybe if you remind these individuals that God can see them, whether they are in church or not, they'll know they aren't fooling anyone. -- MISERABLE METHODIST IN NEW YORK

DEAR MISERABLE METHODIST: God can see you, too. And he has asked me to relay this message: "Happy are they who tend to their own gardens and waste not their time complaining about their neighbors' shortcomings."

DEAR ABBY: For three years in high school, I was sexually harassed by a boy I'll call "Tim." When he graduated, I thought my troubles were over. They're not. Due to a disability, I will not be going away to college. Tim is not going away for the same reason. We will both be attending the same community college.

I have contacted the head of security at the college and will be speaking to him soon.

How do I keep Tim from destroying my dignity like he did in high school? I am terrified of him. -- FEARFUL IN OHIO

DEAR FEARFUL: First of all, let's hope this young man has matured past the point where he would harass you. Neither of you are children anymore.

You are doing the right thing to take your concerns to the head of security. If that fails to resolve the problem, document any and all incidents and promptly report the harassment to the police department.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I sympathize with "Waiting in Wisconsin," whose boyfriend promised her an engagement ring three years ago. Six months ago, I broke up with my boyfriend. We had lived together for four years and everyone assumed we would marry.

I needed to take the next step in our relationship. We discussed it, and he told me he was not ready and might not be for several more years -- if then. I agonized about it for several months. Then one day, I envisioned myself five years down the road in the same situation -- together but no closer to marriage. I broke down and cried.

It was then that I finally accepted what I already knew in my heart. If he wasn't ready in five years, he might never be. I moved out.

Upon reflection, I think part of the reason I needed the commitment was that I wasn't sure of his love for me. I also believe that he wasn't ready to get married because he wasn't convinced that our relationship was the best for him.

Your advice to "Waiting" was absolutely right. She should move on and waste no more time. I am now in a relationship that is more satisfying than I ever thought possible. Leaving that previous relationship was the hardest thing I ever had to do, but the best decision I've ever made because I listened to my heart. -- DID THE RIGHT THING, SANTA CLARA, CALIF.

DEAR D.T.R.T.: Making the decision to move on isn't easy. Sometimes admitting to ourselves that what we want may not be what the good Lord has planned for us can be painful. However, the most precious commodity we have is time. I'm pleased you didn't waste any more than you did.

Read on:

DEAR ABBY: For three years, the man I thought would be the father of my children talked about marriage. He would call me and say, "Start planning the wedding," and I'd be overjoyed. Then he'd say, "We'll do it after ( )." (He had a million excuses.)

The last straw was when he served in Iraq. We were rocky before he left. I stood by him and cried and waited for him to return home. The day he left Iraq, he called to say he had already asked his best friend to be our best man, and we'd be engaged before his discharge from the Army -- in two months' time.

Well, he got back. He got his discharge and moved to Texas -- and still no ring. I decided I'd had enough. Instead of getting my ring finger, he got another one.

I have never been happier. Please tell "Waiting" that the sooner she lets this loser go, the sooner she'll find a real man. -- NO MORE DRAMA IN GEORGIA

DEAR NO MORE DRAMA: They say a gesture is worth a thousand words. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: That woman should not wait another day to move on! My girlfriend was with her childhood sweetheart for 15 years. Each year, he would raise the income level he felt he needed before getting married. In the process, he diminished her self-esteem to the point that she felt no one would want her. She finally had enough and threw him out.

Within two weeks, he had another "sweetie" sleeping over, and six months later he married the girl. -- LIFE'S TOO SHORT

DEAR L.T.S.: How sad that it took your friend so long to realize she had made a bad investment. However, she should look on the bright side. If they were still together, she'd still be waiting.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband hurt his back in 2000. Ever since, it has gotten worse. He takes enough pain pills and muscle relaxers to kill a horse.

Most of the time he is so out of it I can't talk to him. When I try, he gets mad and says I don't understand. I do understand, because I have been here since he got hurt.

I don't know what to do. I don't want to leave him because I love him, but I can no longer live like this. I also don't want my kids to see him like this anymore. Please help. -- CONFUSED IN TEXAS

DEAR CONFUSED: Talk to the doctor who has been prescribing these medications about the debilitating effect they are having on your husband. There comes a time when most people have to wean themselves off habit-forming drugs -– and it appears your husband is overdue. In fact, it may be time for the doctor to refer your husband to a pain specialist who can help him learn alternative methods for dealing with back pain. It's worth a try.

DEAR ABBY: This year my in-laws sent me a peek-a-boo nightie with thong panties for my birthday. I've met them only once.

I am shocked that they sent a gift like this to me. They have never sent me a birthday gift before (and I am not complaining). But I do not wear thong underwear.

Obviously, I will thank them for thinking of me. But how? And how can I tactfully suggest that they not send me something like this in the future? -- SHOCKED IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR SHOCKED: Try this: "Dear Folks, thank you for remembering me on my birthday. I admit I didn't expect to be thought of in quite that way by my husband's parents! With love, your blushing daughter-in-law."

DEAR ABBY: My mom was running an errand at a local farmers' market and left my dad in the car. When she returned, four people were standing outside the car waiting for her. They had tried to tell my dad that the car had a flat tire. When he didn't respond, they waited for Mom, and then changed the tire for her.

What they didn't know was that my parents were on one of their first outings since Dad's colon cancer surgery a few weeks before. The prognosis wasn't good. My dad's Alzheimer's disease had also spiraled downward. Mom is now sole caregiver because most of their kids live far away.

That those strangers went out of their way to help her and perform an act of kindness meant more to her (and me) than they'll ever know.

I hope they read this and know how much their help meant. I also hope that others will see that a single act of kindness can be a precious gift that's never forgotten.-- GRATEFUL DAUGHTER IN ILLINOIS

DEAR GRATEFUL: You've said it very well. A good deed is like a pebble thrown into a pool of water. The ripples spread far beyond the point of impact. Thank you for the timely reminder.

DEAR ABBY: My mom was running an errand at a local farmers' market and left my dad in the car. When she returned, four people were standing outside the car waiting for her. They had tried to tell my dad that the car had a flat tire. When he didn't respond, they waited for Mom, and then changed the tire for her.

What they didn't know was that my parents were on one of their first outings since Dad's colon cancer surgery a few weeks before. The prognosis wasn't good. My dad's Alzheimer's disease had also spiraled downward. Mom is now sole caregiver because most of their kids live far away.

That those strangers went out of their way to help her and perform an act of kindness meant more to her (and me) than they'll ever know.

I hope they read this and know how much their help meant. I also hope that others will see that a single act of kindness can be a precious gift that's never forgotten.-- GRATEFUL DAUGHTER IN ILLINOIS

DEAR GRATEFUL: You've said it very well. A good deed is like a pebble thrown into a pool of water. The ripples spread far beyond the point of impact. Thank you for the timely reminder.