DEAR ABBY: I have a friend I'll call "George." He is a good person, smart and fun to be with. He hasn't matured as fast as other boys and his voice is soft and high-pitched. People call him gay, and it hurts him terribly.

He recently dropped out of school and is now being home-schooled. When he told me why, it shocked me.

Won't you explain to your readers not to judge people until you have walked a mile in their shoes? Get to know them. I am the only person who stands up for George, and I always will. Please tell people it is not OK to ridicule others.

It hurts me to hear him say his life is ruined. He says he will get a new wardrobe and change everything. But he shouldn't have to change. He has a right to be himself. -- CONCERNED FRIEND IN BILLINGS, MONT.

DEAR CONCERNED FRIEND: I don't have to tell people that it's not OK to ridicule others. You have done a good job of that in your letter. But I'll tell you a secret. People who make derogatory comments about the sexuality of others often have doubts about their own.

P.S. I'm sorry that George's parents didn't talk over their son's predicament with their lawyer and the school principal. If they had, I'll bet George would still be your classmate.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 37-year-old married woman. One night I walked into our bedroom and caught my husband looking at something. When he saw me, he stuck it between the pages of a magazine and began shuffling business papers. The next morning when he went to work, I opened the magazine and found a snapshot of a naked woman.

A few nights later he said he was going to hang out with some friends, so I decided to take myself out to dinner. When I walked into the restaurant, I saw my husband having dinner with the woman in the photo.

He didn't see me, so I left quickly. I didn't mention having seen him. Now I have noticed that he no longer really talks or listens to me, and he's making lame excuses to go out more often.

I want to save our marriage. But how? -- UPSET IN LONGMEADOW, MASS.

DEAR UPSET: You will not save your marriage by remaining silent. Confront your husband with the fact that you found the photo and have seen him with the woman. Tell him that you love him but you feel betrayed and hurt, and offer him the option of marriage counseling. Marriages can survive this trauma, but only if both parties are willing to work at rebuilding the trust that has been broken.

DEAR ABBY: Three weeks ago my boyfriend, "Jeremy," proposed, and I am overjoyed. My problem is I hate the engagement ring he chose. I also hate the matching wedding band. I'm afraid if I mention trading them for something that I like, he'll be hurt.

Should I keep my mouth shut and live with the rings? Or should I speak up and risk hurting Jeremy? -- LOOKING FOR THE RING OF TRUTH

DEAR LOOKING: Speak up now because if you wait, it will probably slip out later at an inopportune time.

The lesson here is that the bride-to-be should be part of the selection process. It's not a difficult thing to arrange. All it takes is for the man to ask the salesperson to show his fiancee a selection of rings –- or stones –- that's within his price range. It's done all the time.

DEAR ABBY: Three weeks ago my boyfriend, "Jeremy," proposed, and I am overjoyed. My problem is I hate the engagement ring he chose. I also hate the matching wedding band. I'm afraid if I mention trading them for something that I like, he'll be hurt.

Should I keep my mouth shut and live with the rings? Or should I speak up and risk hurting Jeremy? -- LOOKING FOR THE RING OF TRUTH

DEAR LOOKING: Speak up now because if you wait, it will probably slip out later at an inopportune time.

The lesson here is that the bride-to-be should be part of the selection process. It's not a difficult thing to arrange. All it takes is for the man to ask the salesperson to show his fiancee a selection of rings –- or stones –- that's within his price range. It's done all the time.

DEAR ABBY: My mother was fired from her job 11 months ago and has not yet found work. She drew unemployment, but that has run out. However, her real problem is, she thinks the devil is living in her home and raping her every night.

She also thinks this man at work she had a crush on, and who kept rejecting her, is living in her house.

She often talks about killing herself. My aunts say she is fine, but she is NOT fine. She refuses to get professional help. How can I help her? -- WORRIED DAUGHTER IN ILLINOIS

DEAR WORRIED DAUGHTER: Unless your mother actually does something to prove she is a danger to herself or to others, there is little you can do except watch her closely. Her doctor should be notified about her delusions and her threats, but no one can force her into treatment unless she acts out.

You might also try talking to her spiritual adviser about her problem, and see if some sort of intervention can be done. But I really think her problem is psychological.

DEAR ABBY: I am dating a widower, "Charles," whom I really like except that he doesn't shut up about his "perfect" and "saintly" late, great wife. It grates on my nerves. I mean, what am I -- chopped liver?!

I tried matching him story-for-story about my late husband so he'd get the hint. It only made him rave about her more.

My widowed friends say they've encountered the same problem. If these guys think their wives were the best there is, why do they bother dating?

Charles tells me other women he's dated bore him. I can't believe it's not the other way around. Maybe he has to keep dating to find a new audience.

I don't understand why Charles keeps one foot in the grave with his wife while he's still alive. Is he depressed? Or just dumb? -- BOTH FEET ON THE GROUND

DEAR BOTH FEET: Perhaps he talks about his late wife because they shared so many years and events together that his major memories are bound up with her.

Instead of being resentful, speak up! Tell him it's time to stop dwelling on the past and to focus on the present. Work on creating new, happy memories with him. Take pictures, take trips, host a party together. Get a theater subscription, tickets to sporting events, etc., so his memory bank will spill over with recent happy memories with you. I can't think of a better investment.

DEAR ABBY: I tend to get upset easily and yell at my 7-year-old son when I'm stressed. I don't get physical, but I do get emotional. Sometimes I feel I am going to explode with all kinds of crazy feelings racing through my mind, body and soul. Do you have any suggestions for me? -- OVERSTRESSED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR OVERSTRESSED: It's important that you get to the root of what's really bothering you -- and that may require professional help. Talk to your doctor about things you can do to reduce the stress in your life.

Also, make sure you're getting enough sleep. And consider this: Many people who suffer from emotional overload cope with it by getting at least 30 minutes of aerobic exercise a day. Give it a try. If that doesn't help, re-read paragraph one.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old girl, and I know I am not wanted. One night I heard my mom talking to her new boyfriend about wishing she had no kids so she could do things without having to sneak around. I don't know what to do.

Is it my fault that she doesn't want me? Please help me, Abby. You help so many other people -- please start with me. -- UNWANTED IN OTTUMWA, IOWA

DEAR UNWANTED: None of this is your fault, and if your mother knew what you overheard, she would probably want her tongue amputated. I am sure she loves you very much. However, adults sometimes speak in "shorthand" -- and what she MAY have been trying to communicate to her boyfriend was that, overwhelmed with parental responsibilities, she was longing for the relative freedom of her youth.

Clip this column. Show it to your mother and let her explain the specific details to you -- after she apologizes, that is.

DEAR ABBY: I grew up in a small town where I was sheltered from the real world. I am now in college and realize how much I don't know.

I recently encountered a situation I had no idea how to handle. My friend confessed to me that she's gay. Although I was surprised, I wasn't upset because I love her as a friend.

Unfortunately, at the moment she poured her heart out to me, I didn't know what to say. All I could muster was, "Ummm ... OK." Abby, I felt awful!

If something like this happens again, is there proper etiquette to use? I don't want to be insensitive. Coming out is difficult enough without having to figure out what the person you confided in is feeling. Your thoughts, please. -- OPEN-MINDED BUT CLUELESS

DEAR OPEN-MINDED: There is no rule of etiquette for how to react when someone comes out to you. The best advice I can offer is to think with your heart and offer your support. Say, "Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me. It doesn't change the way I feel about you. You are my friend, and I love you." It's honest. It's clear. It's reassuring. And it's what the person needs to hear.

P.S. It's not too late to say that to your friend.

DEAR ABBY: We live in the tidy beach city of Santa Monica, Calif. Just around the corner from us is a fast-food restaurant. The number of people who stop to eat in front of our house is astounding, but that's not what bothers me.

What upsets me is the number of folks who dump their trash on our lawn when they've finished eating. They are usually construction workers or parents with young children.

Since schools often read your column in class, perhaps the students could write in and give us an explanation of why this kind of littering is acceptable nowadays. -- WANTING AN EXPLANATION

DEAR WANTING: We both know the reason -- it's because they're too lazy to dispose of the trash in an appropriate way. In the tidy beach city of Santa Monica, and in many other cities, there are laws against littering. I suggest you inform the police about your problem. I'm sure they'll welcome the chance to gather some extra revenue for the city.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)