DEAR ABBY: I received a small settlement because of an injury. My stepdaughter, who works as a teller at my bank, asked if she could borrow $300. I agreed. She took $400 instead and promised to pay me back out of her income tax refund.

Over the next several months, without my consent, she transferred $2,000 from my account to hers. She always had an excuse and promised to repay me.

After a year and a half, I told her if she didn't arrange to pay me back, I would have to take her to court. She and her husband stopped talking to my husband and me, so I filed a claim.

To my amazement, I was invited to present my case on television in a courtroom show.

Well, my husband refuses to go with me. He agrees that I am right, but he will not publicly take my side against his own daughter.

Abby, I need his support. He's the only witness I have. I didn't want things to turn out this way, but they did. What do you think? -- FOOL FOR FAMILY

DEAR FOOL FOR FAMILY: What happened to you was criminal, and frankly, it should have been reported to the police in the first place. Your husband's daughter is an embezzler, and she certainly shouldn't be working in a bank. Now it's time to get a lawyer involved.

Since your husband appears to be camera-shy, ask your lawyer if there's a judge who will hear the case without a camera present. If your husband still refuses to support you, call your local district attorney's office and ask if you can get a victim's advocate to go with you. You have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: What is up with all these unfortunate women who have out-of-wedlock pregnancies and bad relationships? Most men don't have these problems and don't mention them if they do.

To these women: If you'd get to know your partners and a little about their past, stuff like this wouldn't happen.

Women are like fish. If you have the right bait, they are easy to lure in. Once you've sampled the goods, then you throw them back.

I'm not saying I'm like this, but I have seen it. If the fish were smart enough to see the hook, then they wouldn't get caught! So, Dear Abby, please tell me why some women think they are so smart?

P.S. By the way, I'm in the ninth grade. -- FISHERMAN IN NEWARK, DEL.

DEAR FISHERMAN: Woman aren't fish, and it isn't a question of intelligence. When people of either sex become emotional about a love interest, they often think with their hearts and not their heads. Have you heard the old saying, "Love is blind"? It's the reason the phrase was coined.

DEAR ABBY: There's an uproar at our office concerning potlucks. Is it acceptable for people who don't contribute to the luncheons to help themselves when the food is served? Some of them even fill a plate to take home! Isn't this inconsiderate and rude? -- POTLUCKS

DEAR POTLUCKS: For someone to knowingly help him- or herself to other people's food without it being offered is not only rude but also presumptuous. I'd say shame on them, but people who do it are shameless.

Perhaps when the announcement of the potluck is issued, it should be clearly stated or written that in order to participate, a person must bring a dish.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a junior in high school and have participated in the Souper Bowl of Caring since it started at Spring Valley Presbyterian Church in Columbia, S.C. From putting $1 in the big soup pot at church when I was 3, to taking calls from other young people reporting their group's collections on Super Bowl Sunday, I have seen firsthand that young people can make a difference.

Would you please ask your readers to join this youth-led effort to help the less fortunate? The movement got a huge boost when you spread the word a few years ago.

To participate, people simply give $1 each for the needy as they leave worship the weekend of the Feb. 1 game. Youth group members holding large soup pots stand at sanctuary exits to receive the donations. Best of all, each group (schools do it, too) sends every dollar it collects directly to a local charity it chooses.

Even though the money collected is sent directly to each charity, we ask participating groups to report their totals on game day so the national impact can be measured. Access www.souperbowl.org or call (800) 358-7687 for instructions, to request free posters and to report totals. (We would love for the total to be announced during the game, but we need help to make that happen!)

Abby, an aggregate of more than $20 million has been collected to help needy people since the Souper Bowl of Caring began in our church youth group. This year 28 pro coaches have signed on.

Thank you for encouraging young people, and all people, to make a difference. God bless. -- SHELLEY LONG, YOUTH REPRESENTATIVE, SOUPER BOWL OF CARING

DEAR SHELLEY: And encourage them I do. By giving $1, everyone can be a winner on Super Bowl Sunday. The Souper Bowl of Caring is a laudable example of the good that can be accomplished when individuals join together for a common cause.

I applaud you for your efforts, and hope that your wish for a mention of the total monies raised during the game is realized.

DEAR ABBY: After my father passed away, my husband's brother and his wife did not attend the funeral or the wake because they said they could not get off from work.

The following week, a friend of theirs came in from out of town. They both took off from work so they could entertain him. Abby, their friend didn't even stay at their house, and they had plenty of time to spend with him -- a week and a half!

My feelings are very hurt. It bothers me that they were not there for me, my husband or my children. Am I overly sensitive? -- HURT IN LOUISIANA

DEAR HURT: I don't think so. Funerals are for the living, and when you needed their support, your husband's brother and his wife withheld it.

Now that you know were their priorities lie, do not expect anything from them and you won't be disappointed.

P.S. You have my sympathy.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My son is a college student with an extremely demanding major. I have become concerned about his mental health.

Last year he began taking an overload of classes, a large number of extracurricular activities, and started a part-time job. As a result, he now feels too stressed to continue school and his grades have dropped. He is also making errors at work and getting into trouble for taking too many days off.

He dropped all his extracurricular activities, but his grades have not improved. Neither has his performance at work. He is now in danger of failing school and being fired from his job. In addition, he's developing a short temper.

What should I do? And what is your advice for my son? -- SCARED DAD IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR DAD: The most important thing is your son's health and peace of mind. Encourage him to slow down and take an extra year to complete his studies. Even though it may be more expensive, it will be worth it. Since your son is a student and has access to a student health center, he should make a point of dropping in, discussing his concerns and getting checked out. Some short-term psychological counseling can help him lower his stress level.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 41-year-old woman who has been having a nine-year affair with "Anthony," a married man. I am also married, but I have been separated from my husband and two sons for four years.

When I tried to encourage Anthony to get a divorce to be with me, he asked me to wait until his children graduated from high school. After they got their diplomas, he begged me to "wait a little longer" until they graduated from college. Well, you guessed it. His three children are all college graduates and on their own. Now Anthony says he "can't" get a divorce because his wife will get everything and he'll be ruined!

Abby, Anthony owns his own business. He had it before he married his wife. His wife is a professional with a pension that they could split 50/50. (I'll admit I haven't divorced my husband because I need health insurance, and I don't want to lose out on his pension if Anthony doesn't leave his wife and marry me.)

I have dated other men, married and single, to make Anthony jealous enough to leave his wife. It hasn't worked. I can't understand why his wife doesn't leave HIM. What do you think is going on here? -- NEEDS TO MOVE ON IN SCRANTON, PA.

DEAR NEEDS: What's important is what's NOT going on here. You have willingly been played for a fool. Anthony has no intention of ever leaving his wife. Not only is she a tough cookie, she's a smart one. Wake up and smell the coffee. She has the title and the assets, and you'll always be playing second fiddle.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: A happy union is not one of perfect partners, but the triumph of love over imperfections. -- J. HODGES, PORTLAND, ORE.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)