DEAR ABBY: I am a junior in high school and have participated in the Souper Bowl of Caring since it started at Spring Valley Presbyterian Church in Columbia, S.C. From putting $1 in the big soup pot at church when I was 3, to taking calls from other young people reporting their group's collections on Super Bowl Sunday, I have seen firsthand that young people can make a difference.

Would you please ask your readers to join this youth-led effort to help the less fortunate? The movement got a huge boost when you spread the word a few years ago.

To participate, people simply give $1 each for the needy as they leave worship the weekend of the Feb. 1 game. Youth group members holding large soup pots stand at sanctuary exits to receive the donations. Best of all, each group (schools do it, too) sends every dollar it collects directly to a local charity it chooses.

Even though the money collected is sent directly to each charity, we ask participating groups to report their totals on game day so the national impact can be measured. Access www.souperbowl.org or call (800) 358-7687 for instructions, to request free posters and to report totals. (We would love for the total to be announced during the game, but we need help to make that happen!)

Abby, an aggregate of more than $20 million has been collected to help needy people since the Souper Bowl of Caring began in our church youth group. This year 28 pro coaches have signed on.

Thank you for encouraging young people, and all people, to make a difference. God bless. -- SHELLEY LONG, YOUTH REPRESENTATIVE, SOUPER BOWL OF CARING

DEAR SHELLEY: And encourage them I do. By giving $1, everyone can be a winner on Super Bowl Sunday. The Souper Bowl of Caring is a laudable example of the good that can be accomplished when individuals join together for a common cause.

I applaud you for your efforts, and hope that your wish for a mention of the total monies raised during the game is realized.

DEAR ABBY: After my father passed away, my husband's brother and his wife did not attend the funeral or the wake because they said they could not get off from work.

The following week, a friend of theirs came in from out of town. They both took off from work so they could entertain him. Abby, their friend didn't even stay at their house, and they had plenty of time to spend with him -- a week and a half!

My feelings are very hurt. It bothers me that they were not there for me, my husband or my children. Am I overly sensitive? -- HURT IN LOUISIANA

DEAR HURT: I don't think so. Funerals are for the living, and when you needed their support, your husband's brother and his wife withheld it.

Now that you know were their priorities lie, do not expect anything from them and you won't be disappointed.

P.S. You have my sympathy.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My son is a college student with an extremely demanding major. I have become concerned about his mental health.

Last year he began taking an overload of classes, a large number of extracurricular activities, and started a part-time job. As a result, he now feels too stressed to continue school and his grades have dropped. He is also making errors at work and getting into trouble for taking too many days off.

He dropped all his extracurricular activities, but his grades have not improved. Neither has his performance at work. He is now in danger of failing school and being fired from his job. In addition, he's developing a short temper.

What should I do? And what is your advice for my son? -- SCARED DAD IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR DAD: The most important thing is your son's health and peace of mind. Encourage him to slow down and take an extra year to complete his studies. Even though it may be more expensive, it will be worth it. Since your son is a student and has access to a student health center, he should make a point of dropping in, discussing his concerns and getting checked out. Some short-term psychological counseling can help him lower his stress level.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 41-year-old woman who has been having a nine-year affair with "Anthony," a married man. I am also married, but I have been separated from my husband and two sons for four years.

When I tried to encourage Anthony to get a divorce to be with me, he asked me to wait until his children graduated from high school. After they got their diplomas, he begged me to "wait a little longer" until they graduated from college. Well, you guessed it. His three children are all college graduates and on their own. Now Anthony says he "can't" get a divorce because his wife will get everything and he'll be ruined!

Abby, Anthony owns his own business. He had it before he married his wife. His wife is a professional with a pension that they could split 50/50. (I'll admit I haven't divorced my husband because I need health insurance, and I don't want to lose out on his pension if Anthony doesn't leave his wife and marry me.)

I have dated other men, married and single, to make Anthony jealous enough to leave his wife. It hasn't worked. I can't understand why his wife doesn't leave HIM. What do you think is going on here? -- NEEDS TO MOVE ON IN SCRANTON, PA.

DEAR NEEDS: What's important is what's NOT going on here. You have willingly been played for a fool. Anthony has no intention of ever leaving his wife. Not only is she a tough cookie, she's a smart one. Wake up and smell the coffee. She has the title and the assets, and you'll always be playing second fiddle.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: A happy union is not one of perfect partners, but the triumph of love over imperfections. -- J. HODGES, PORTLAND, ORE.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My mother and dad had a full and happy 62 years together. She died last year.

While going through her things, we found several old diaries that Mother kept until a few months after marrying Dad (from ages 15 to 21).

Well, Dad read them and saw that Mom had dated a lot of men before they married, even one of his best friends. She wrote that there was also another man she wanted to marry, but he had a girlfriend in another town, and it was not to be. Apparently Dad had been unaware of it.

Dad was devastated. Now he's telling all his friends how wild Mom was. This, after 62 years of devotion, love and two children.

The purpose of my letter is to warn diarists to please destroy any writings not meant for others to read. Get rid of them! Dad is 85 and brokenhearted. -- SAD IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR SAD: Your point is well taken. However, someone needs to tell your father to stop feeling sorry for himself and to remember the good times.

If he's worried about his deceased wife's past, the truth is, she didn't have much time for one. It's time to end the pity party and dwell on the positive.

DEAR ABBY: My 13-year-old daughter, "Rose," has had a boyfriend, "Jason," for nearly a year. He is 12. I just found out they've been having sex, and I'm putting Rose on birth control.

Jason never spends much quality time with her. I try to tell her that he is young and not ready for a serious relationship, but she doesn't hear it. My heart aches when I hear Rose crying on the phone because they're arguing.

Rose revolves her life around Jason. She doesn't want to do anything with me or her friends anymore. Her attitude has changed tremendously, and she is losing interest in school. I have asked Rose to sign up for some kind of activity. She refuses. I don't know what to do. Please help. -- WORRIED MOM IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR MOM: It's time to assert yourself. Rose and Jason are both too young to be having sex or even an exclusive relationship. It is up to you to help your daughter understand that as much as she might wish it, Jason is unable to give her the attention and commitment she's craving. You didn't mention if there is a father in your daughter's life. If there isn't, perhaps another adult male in the family can help.

Family counseling for you and Rose could be helpful. It will help to reopen the avenue of communication between you. Her priorities are seriously out of whack, and you are not reaching her. At this age, she should be developing social and intellectual skills.

CONFIDENTIAL TO BETRAYED AND BROKEN IN BALTIMORE: Dry your tears and stop blaming yourself. What goes around, comes around. This quotation says it all: "When a man marries his mistress, he creates a job opening."

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)