DEAR ABBY: The price of the laptop computer I purchased on the Internet seemed too good to be true. That should have been my first clue. However, the seller seemed pleasant, had an excellent rating and great reviews.

Via e-mail, he said he was a reseller of computers and he had an excess of this model. According to him, the money would be safe in escrow through Western Union and he was affiliated with Safe Trading, a well-known online security company. I had 10 days to return the computer and get my money back if I wasn't completely satisfied. Otherwise, after 10 days, he would collect his money from escrow.

He was selling from Spain, but only once did I question him about possible problems. What an expert he was at saying the things I wanted to hear about his online accolades and e-mail references. I even apologized for implying that he might be capable of wrongdoing.

Well, my money is gone. The escrow and good reviews were fake. The issue is "being investigated."

Recovery will be difficult or impossible because the $1,000 was wired from my bank by me. This scammer was an expert, and I trusted him. -- SADDER BUT WISER

DEAR WISER: This may seem pessimistic, but if it seems too good to be true, it probably IS too good to be true. I'm printing your warning so others will not be so easily taken advantage of. Caveat emptor -- let the buyer beware.

DEAR ABBY: I recently moved to America from Germany because of a four-year, long-distance relationship with my now live-in boyfriend, "Warren."

Things were great when we lived apart. We'd spend months together when I had time off from the university.

Now that I live in his homeland, he spends most of his money gambling on the horses. It has reached the point that he can't afford to pay rent because of his gambling.

I am looking for work. He is gone all night at the races or betting online. It is starting to ruin our relationship. I realize now I came here for a stranger. I have threatened to go back to Germany if he does not change. I told Warren it was the horses or me. Was I wrong to issue an ultimatum? -- ME OR THE HORSES

DEAR ME OR THE HORSES: You were right to draw the line. The "rush" some people get from gambling is the same as the rush addicts get from drugs -- and it can be just as addictive. If Warren is unwilling to get help for his gambling addiction, your wisest move would be to cut your losses, tell him auf Wiedersehen and return home.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 25-year-old professional who works at an upscale retail company. I am very soft-spoken.

When people talk to me on the phone, they often address me as "sweetie" or "honey." It is incredibly demeaning.

How can I politely get co-workers and clients to treat me like an adult and not call me little-girl names? -- FED UP WITH SOUNDING YOUNG

DEAR FED UP: Rather than trying to correct them, consider consulting a speech therapist. Lowering the register of your telephone voice and speaking in a more authoritative tone should solve your problem.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: A word to the wise. If you plan to toast the New Year tonight, please appoint a designated driver. And on this night especially, designated drivers should remember to drive defensively. To one and all -- a happy, healthy New Year.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "John" for 11 years. We have four beautiful children. John earns enough money so I can be a stay-at-home mom to our little ones.

My problem is, John's sexual appetite is insatiable. It's driving me crazy. He demands sex twice a day and more often on weekends. If I tell him I'm tired or stressed, he threatens to find a girlfriend or a hooker. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. Please help me. -- SEX SLAVE IN WICHITA

DEAR SEX SLAVE: With four children under the age of 10, it's no wonder you're feeling tired and stressed. Has your husband always been this way? If this is new behavior, he may need to be physically and neurologically evaluated by a physician. If it is not new behavior, then I hope you realize your problem isn't about sex as much as it is about dominance. Your husband is using sex as a bludgeon to keep you in line and show you who's boss.

Marriage is supposed to be a union, a partnership. Marriage counseling could help you both bring your real issues out into the open and improve the level of communication between you. If John refuses, go without him so you can learn assertiveness skills. If you continue to tolerate the status quo, well, your signature says it all.

DEAR ABBY: Recently I began a wonderful relationship with "Arnie," the man of my dreams.

My problem is, he is hiding our relationship from certain members of his family. He told his youngest daughter about me, and she likes me so much she calls me Mom.

Arnie and his daughter tell me to remain silent when other family members call on the phone. If one of them comes to the door, they tell me to hide in another room.

Should I be concerned about this? Or should I let Arnie decide when it's time to tell the rest of his family? -- STRESSED-OUT IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR STRESSED-OUT: Something is not kosher here. Could Arnie be ashamed of you? Could he still be married? By all means, you should be concerned. If you continue to tolerate this behavior, you'll have no one to blame but yourself.

DEAR ABBY: I am a single mother with an 11-year-old daughter. We live in a small two-bedroom apartment.

My sister, her husband and their three kids moved in with us from out of state because they didn't like it where they were. When they arrived, my sister said they would only stay for two weeks. That was three months ago.

In addition, they are broke. My brother-in-law lost his job and is not looking for another one. I work but make just enough for my daughter and me.

They're costing me a fortune. My electricity bill has doubled, plus there is no privacy. Please help! -- DAMSEL IN DISTRESS

DEAR DAMSEL: You've been a supportive sister. Now it's time to draw the line. Set a date for them to move out and stick to it. Enough is enough.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I was physically and emotionally abused by my parents. Mother left home when I was 11. When I was in my early 20s, I was attacked and raped by a stranger. I have been through many abusive relationships and several failed marriages. My last two boyfriends were sexually abusive. Now I'm afraid of men, and especially afraid of sex.

About a month ago, I met a man who seemed nice. He gave me his number. A week later when I lost my job, I called him to see if he knew of any openings. He invited me over to look at my resume, and I went.

We began a deep friendship. I told him things about my past that gave me low self-esteem. He told me he had studied counseling and asked if he could work with me. I agreed.

His help has brought back many painful memories, and we are dealing with them together. He says things to improve my self-esteem. He believes in me and wants me to have a better future. He even hinted he'd like to be part of that future. His tenderness is incredible, and I find myself melting into his arms.

Now for the bad part: He told me that he spent 25 years in prison. Although he is no longer the same person who committed those crimes, he was incarcerated once for rape and two years later for sexual assault. He now has erectile dysfunction, so I know he couldn't do it again, even if he wanted to.

I am starting to care for him a lot, but at the same time I'm scared of him. I don't believe he would ever harm me, but ever since he told me the truth, I've been having nightmares about someone chasing me and trying to hurt me.

Should I stop seeing him? He does everything he can to reassure me that he won't hurt me, and I want to believe him. Please help. -- SCARED IN FLORIDA

DEAR SCARED: Your subconscious may be warning you. A synonym for "chased" is "pursued," and in a sense, this man is pursuing you. He is not a licensed therapist. He is a serial perpetrator of sex crimes. Sexual assaults are sometimes less about sex than they are about control. In other words, rape is not always physical; it can also be emotional.

Although you may be infatuated, you have only known this man for a month. That's not long enough to make rational judgments. You may have placed yourself in the hands of a skilled manipulator as well as a sexual deviate. Do NOT allow an amateur to doodle with the strudel in your noodle. If you want to conquer your problems, consult a qualified, licensed therapist.

P.S. Did he help you find a job, or were you lured to his dwelling to be seduced? Only you can answer that.

DEAR ABBY: My cousin, "Debbie," will be married next October. We have never been close. She was supposed to be in my wedding, but she never showed up for the fitting, so I replaced her with a friend.

My dilemma: She told me my husband is not invited to her wedding because the dinner is $100 a plate and no spouses or boyfriends are allowed.

What do you think I should do? -- INSULTED IN OHIO

DEAR INSULTED: Politely inform cousin Debbie that you will be unable to attend her wedding, and send a small token gift instead. She is obviously ignorant of the fact that a married couple, unlike boyfriends and girlfriends, are officially one unit, and that it is a breach of etiquette to invite one and exclude the other.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)