DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "John" for 11 years. We have four beautiful children. John earns enough money so I can be a stay-at-home mom to our little ones.

My problem is, John's sexual appetite is insatiable. It's driving me crazy. He demands sex twice a day and more often on weekends. If I tell him I'm tired or stressed, he threatens to find a girlfriend or a hooker. I don't know how much longer I can go on like this. Please help me. -- SEX SLAVE IN WICHITA

DEAR SEX SLAVE: With four children under the age of 10, it's no wonder you're feeling tired and stressed. Has your husband always been this way? If this is new behavior, he may need to be physically and neurologically evaluated by a physician. If it is not new behavior, then I hope you realize your problem isn't about sex as much as it is about dominance. Your husband is using sex as a bludgeon to keep you in line and show you who's boss.

Marriage is supposed to be a union, a partnership. Marriage counseling could help you both bring your real issues out into the open and improve the level of communication between you. If John refuses, go without him so you can learn assertiveness skills. If you continue to tolerate the status quo, well, your signature says it all.

DEAR ABBY: Recently I began a wonderful relationship with "Arnie," the man of my dreams.

My problem is, he is hiding our relationship from certain members of his family. He told his youngest daughter about me, and she likes me so much she calls me Mom.

Arnie and his daughter tell me to remain silent when other family members call on the phone. If one of them comes to the door, they tell me to hide in another room.

Should I be concerned about this? Or should I let Arnie decide when it's time to tell the rest of his family? -- STRESSED-OUT IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR STRESSED-OUT: Something is not kosher here. Could Arnie be ashamed of you? Could he still be married? By all means, you should be concerned. If you continue to tolerate this behavior, you'll have no one to blame but yourself.

DEAR ABBY: I am a single mother with an 11-year-old daughter. We live in a small two-bedroom apartment.

My sister, her husband and their three kids moved in with us from out of state because they didn't like it where they were. When they arrived, my sister said they would only stay for two weeks. That was three months ago.

In addition, they are broke. My brother-in-law lost his job and is not looking for another one. I work but make just enough for my daughter and me.

They're costing me a fortune. My electricity bill has doubled, plus there is no privacy. Please help! -- DAMSEL IN DISTRESS

DEAR DAMSEL: You've been a supportive sister. Now it's time to draw the line. Set a date for them to move out and stick to it. Enough is enough.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I was physically and emotionally abused by my parents. Mother left home when I was 11. When I was in my early 20s, I was attacked and raped by a stranger. I have been through many abusive relationships and several failed marriages. My last two boyfriends were sexually abusive. Now I'm afraid of men, and especially afraid of sex.

About a month ago, I met a man who seemed nice. He gave me his number. A week later when I lost my job, I called him to see if he knew of any openings. He invited me over to look at my resume, and I went.

We began a deep friendship. I told him things about my past that gave me low self-esteem. He told me he had studied counseling and asked if he could work with me. I agreed.

His help has brought back many painful memories, and we are dealing with them together. He says things to improve my self-esteem. He believes in me and wants me to have a better future. He even hinted he'd like to be part of that future. His tenderness is incredible, and I find myself melting into his arms.

Now for the bad part: He told me that he spent 25 years in prison. Although he is no longer the same person who committed those crimes, he was incarcerated once for rape and two years later for sexual assault. He now has erectile dysfunction, so I know he couldn't do it again, even if he wanted to.

I am starting to care for him a lot, but at the same time I'm scared of him. I don't believe he would ever harm me, but ever since he told me the truth, I've been having nightmares about someone chasing me and trying to hurt me.

Should I stop seeing him? He does everything he can to reassure me that he won't hurt me, and I want to believe him. Please help. -- SCARED IN FLORIDA

DEAR SCARED: Your subconscious may be warning you. A synonym for "chased" is "pursued," and in a sense, this man is pursuing you. He is not a licensed therapist. He is a serial perpetrator of sex crimes. Sexual assaults are sometimes less about sex than they are about control. In other words, rape is not always physical; it can also be emotional.

Although you may be infatuated, you have only known this man for a month. That's not long enough to make rational judgments. You may have placed yourself in the hands of a skilled manipulator as well as a sexual deviate. Do NOT allow an amateur to doodle with the strudel in your noodle. If you want to conquer your problems, consult a qualified, licensed therapist.

P.S. Did he help you find a job, or were you lured to his dwelling to be seduced? Only you can answer that.

DEAR ABBY: My cousin, "Debbie," will be married next October. We have never been close. She was supposed to be in my wedding, but she never showed up for the fitting, so I replaced her with a friend.

My dilemma: She told me my husband is not invited to her wedding because the dinner is $100 a plate and no spouses or boyfriends are allowed.

What do you think I should do? -- INSULTED IN OHIO

DEAR INSULTED: Politely inform cousin Debbie that you will be unable to attend her wedding, and send a small token gift instead. She is obviously ignorant of the fact that a married couple, unlike boyfriends and girlfriends, are officially one unit, and that it is a breach of etiquette to invite one and exclude the other.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I recently discovered I am a lesbian. Unfortunately, I am already pregnant with my boyfriend's baby. We were both drunk when this happened, and it was a horrible mistake. My parents nearly disowned me when they realized I was going to have a child. (We are devout Christians.)

I don't know how they'll react when I tell them I am a lesbian. Abby, I am afraid to tell them and don't know how. Please help me find a way. -- TEENAGE LESBIAN IN COLORADO

DEAR TEEN: Stop dwelling on yourself for a moment. Although the teen years are supposed to be a time of self-discovery, it's time you got off the fast track for a while. Your parents are shell-shocked enough as it is, and you have serious responsibilities ahead. After your baby arrives, my intuition tells me you'll be too busy for much of a sex life (homosexual or heterosexual).

Once your family has stabilized again, there is still time to come out to your family. Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (P-FLAG) can provide you with literature that will make it easier to talk to them. P-FLAG can also offer the emotional support they will need. The address is: 1726 M St. NW, Suite 400, Washington, D.C., 20036. The Web site is www.pflag.org.

DEAR ABBY: I have a serious anger problem. When my fiance and I first met, it was love at first sight. But after six months, everything he does seems to tick me off.

In the beginning, I didn't show him my ugly side. I didn't want to scare him off. Then he said he wanted me to be more open, so I let it all out. Now I'm letting it out every single day. I get mad when he does or says the same things I do or say to him, and I'll isolate myself or give him the silent treatment.

I think I have a serious mental and/or anger problem, but I don't know where it comes from. Everybody thinks I'm crazy. They say, "I don't know when you're happy or mad because you have the same expression."

Maybe they're right. Maybe I'm not happy because I haven't accomplished anything in my life. (I am only 22.) Please help me. -- LASHING OUT IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR LASHING OUT: You are only 22. It's too early to declare yourself a failure. However, it is difficult to be loving to others if you don't like yourself.

Before you and your fiance go any further, you must get to the root of what is really bothering you. A call to your local department of social services or mental health association will help you locate a counselor you can afford. A course in anger management would also be helpful for both of you. Please don't wait. You have a right to be happy.

DEAR ABBY: Please inform your readers that if their child is enlisting in the armed services or plans to go overseas, the parents should also get passports.

Our son left to serve in Iraq. He is now in Germany for medical reasons, and we cannot get to him.

Passports take six weeks to process. They can be expedited for a hefty fee, but they still take two weeks to arrive. -- LEARNED LATE IN WEST LAFAYETTE, OHIO

DEAR LEARNED: That's a helpful suggestion, and I'll pass it along.

P.S. Your son is in my prayers. Please let me know how he's doing.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)