DEAR ABBY: I am 25 and moved back to my hometown six months ago. Since my return, I have been socializing with a high school friend I'll call Josh. We go out fairly often and have become good friends again. Neither of us has any particular romantic interest in the other.

I invited Josh to escort me to the wedding of an old friend and he accepted.

After the reception, a group of us went to a mutual friend's for a hot-tub party. We were all having a great time, behaving like mature adults, until Josh went into the woods to make out with "Mandy," the 19-year-old cousin of one of the guests he met in the hot tub.

While Josh and I are just friends, I expected him to treat me with respect when he escorted me to the wedding and its attendant social functions. I felt hurt and humiliated by his actions, and I ended up leaving the party.

Perhaps I'm old-fashioned, but am I wrong to think Josh behaved badly? I would never have done that to him. I want Josh to realize how much he hurt me, but I also never want to speak to him again. What should I do? -- GOLDILOCKS IN FLORIDA

DEAR GOLDILOCKS: What Josh did was rude, immature and boorish -- but speak to him again. It seems he never learned that a gentleman doesn't leave the lady he's escorting for a "quickie." If he wanted to make time with Mandy, he should have taken her number and called her another time -- after you were escorted safely home.

To give him the silent treatment would be letting him off easy. It's better for both of you to tell him exactly what's on your mind. If he doesn't know better, he needs to hear it. Besides, he owes you an apology.

DEAR ABBY: I am 22. I have a job and am engaged to marry a very nice man named "Jim" next year.

My parents divorced when I was 9. Mother abandoned me and I went to live with my dad, who subsequently married a lovely lady, "Diane." Diane has been like a mother to me. She and Dad have been helping Jim and me with our wedding plans.

Now that I'm older, my real mom wants to be my mom again, and she's very manipulative. When we spend time together, she treats me like I'm 9 years old. Then she complains that I don't spend enough time with her. I have told her I'm busy and she can come visit me, too, but she doesn't.

Abby, I have a wedding to prepare for. I wanted both my "mothers" to be at my wedding, but now I'm beginning to feel uncomfortable. What should I do? -- BRIDE-TO-BE, CHEHALIS, WASH.

DEAR BRIDE-TO-BE: Continue with your wedding plans and stop feeling the need to explain yourself to the mother who abandoned you when you were 9. Either she has convenient amnesia, or for her, time has stood still. You can be manipulated or treated like a child only if you permit it, so don't fall into that trap.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: "Kirk" and I have been together for more than three years, and last year he asked me to marry him. We have yet to set a date because we don't want to rush into anything. I am 25; he's 24.

Ninety-five percent of the time, we are happy. He calls out of the blue just to say he loves me. I write him love letters. He blows me kisses from across the room.

My only concern is, we have had two fights that became mildly physical, and I'm afraid of repeating my parents' mistakes. When I was a child, Dad hit Mom more than once. (My brother and I would hide in our rooms and hear her scream for us.) They finally divorced when I was in high school.

My last fight with Kirk was over a pregnancy scare. I had missed a couple of birth control pills, so I got the "morning-after" pill and took it. Kirk refused to believe I had taken it. At the breakfast table, he became furious and smashed the TV remote control.

It's not the first time he's thrown a temper tantrum. When he does, I always cringe. Then he gets over it and I clean up the mess. But this time, I was mad, too, so I smashed my cereal bowl on the floor. Well, it bounced and landed on his head! Blood poured everywhere. He was so frightened he called 911. They wanted to arrest me, but Kirk told them it was an accident.

I didn't mean to hit him, although my mom says maybe I did.

Kirk took all his things with him when he went to the hospital for stitches, then went to stay at his brother's. The next day when I saw him, he hugged me and said, "You have a sick baby to take care of." He said he had been in so much pain he hadn't had time to get mad.

I feel terrible. If he'd done this to me, I would never see him again. (Although once he did hit my head against the car window while he was driving.)

In my heart I know I didn't mean to hurt him, but nobody believes me. I should not have lost my temper. I know if I control myself and don't get mad over petty things, he will also be OK.

If he decides we should keep seeing each other, do you think it will work? -- LOST MY TEMPER IN CHULA VISTA

DEAR LOST: Your mother has spoken with the voice of experience, so pay attention. Young love may be tempestuous, but it is not supposed to leave you black-and-blue or with stitches. There are healthier, more constructive ways to deal with anger.

Unless you and Kirk learn to control your tempers in an adult and civilized fashion, you will repeat your parents' mistakes. As much as you may care for each other, it is vital you both get anger management counseling before you live together again. Please don't wait. Your problems will escalate if you ignore this issue.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY:

"If a diplomat says yes, he means maybe.

"If a diplomat says maybe, he means no.

"If a diplomat says no, he ain't no diplomat!" -- Andre Gabor

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: Carols fill the air, our halls have been decked with boughs of holly and the Christmas trees are decorated. Yule logs have been kindled, and Santa's on his way. In Jewish homes, Hanukkah candles burn brightly, and Kwanzaa begins in less than a week. 'Tis the season to be jolly -- a time when thoughts turn homeward to loved ones and holidays past.

This is also the time of year that's hardest for our young men and women in the military, stationed far from home -- many for the first time. Most of them are between the ages of 18 and 22, and while we folks back home are fighting the crowds in shopping centers, they are dodging bullets and car bombs.

So, please, dear readers, you are the most generous people in the world. Remember our troops. They need our support. Go to your computer, type in www.OperationDearAbby.net, and send these brave, dedicated young people heartfelt holiday greetings today. They deserve our thanks, our prayers ... and much more.

DEAR ABBY: After 30 years of marriage, my husband, "Allan," began an affair with a young woman in his office. I was devastated, and our three children and two grandchildren were all affected.

I made up my mind not to become revengeful or bitter. I realized that Allan no longer loved me or he wouldn't have left. I returned to school, got a part-time job, and did the best I could to keep things smooth for my youngest daughter, who still lived at home.

I am now working full time and loving it. I have met some nice men at church, but I now have serious trust issues, so I prefer to go it alone.

The children's relationship with Allan is still strained. He now has Alzheimer's and needs them, but they cannot forgive him for destroying our family.

Abby, do people who have affairs with married men or women ever consider the pain that is left in their wake? -- STILL RECOVERING IN HOUSTON

DEAR STILL RECOVERING: Rarely. I think it's safe to say that there's a distinct lack of empathy. They justify or rationalize their behavior by convincing themselves that the injured party somehow deserves the pain.

DEAR ABBY: A good friend of mine, "Robert," recently returned from a three-week vacation. When he left, he had hardly any hair. When he returned, he had a full head of hair. It is blatantly obvious that he got a hairpiece.

Would it be rude to compliment him on his "new" hair? If he had gotten new glasses we would all compliment him on those. But how do you go about complimenting someone's new hair? -- TRYING TO BE A GOOD FRIEND IN AKRON, OHIO

DEAR FRIEND: It is an extremely delicate subject. You might want to approach it as if you're hugging a porcupine -- very gently. Say, "Gee, you look rested. You look great." And leave it at that. He'll get the message, and you won't ruffle his feathers or anything else.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)