DEAR ABBY: Our son, "Jonas," got into trouble with the law because of drugs. He is now in rehab seven days a week, and lives here with his father, "Harry," and me. I'm proud to say Jonas is doing well. However, one condition set by the court is that alcohol not be on the premises where he lives.

When Jonas told Harry about it, Harry went ballistic and claimed his own rights were being infringed upon by the courts. Harry stubbornly insists that he will drink beer in his own home if he chooses even though it could get our son sent to jail.

I am standing my ground that alcohol may not be brought into our home. I used to have a glass or two of wine in the evenings, but I'm willing to sacrifice that in order to protect our son's freedom.

I am so torn. I love my husband, but I can hardly stand to look at him right now, because he is willing to risk his son's freedom for a beer. How can he think like that? -- WORRIED MOTHER

DEAR WORRIED: You have every right to be concerned because if there is a surprise search, your son will be blamed for something that's not his fault.

It's unfortunate that your husband is either so wedded to his beer, or such a stubborn contrarian, that he's unwilling to sacrifice his transitory pleasure for the sake of his child. You can't force him to make a mature decision. Since he's unwilling to cooperate, it might be in your son's best interest to live elsewhere.

DEAR ABBY: I was 15 years old when I met "Andy," and by my 19th birthday we were married. We have been together 31 years and have two wonderful sons. Now that they have moved out, it's just the two of us. The problem we seem to have is communication.

It is difficult to talk to Andy about anything without getting into an argument. The only safe topic we can discuss is his job, which he absolutely loves. Most of the time, I just sit here nodding and pretending to be interested while deep inside I want to scream.

When I want to talk about something that interests me, I call a friend or family member, but I would much rather spend quality time talking with my husband. Abby, please tell me how I can break down these barriers of communication and open Andy's mind and heart to me. -- TOTALLY FRUSTRATED IN MARYLAND

DEAR FRUSTRATED: It's possible that your husband's range of interests extends no farther than his office walls. It's also possible that this didn't become obvious before because your attention was focused on raising your children, and his role was cast as being "the provider."

It would be wonderful if the two of you could cultivate an interest together -- travel, a class of some sort, etc. Another excellent option would be to explore Marriage Encounter. The telephone number is (800) 828-3351, and the Web site www.marriage-encounter.org. Please consider it. They have saved many marriages that were on the brink.

DEAR ABBY: My father has a mistress! I know this because I saw them together. He doesn't know that I know. Should I tell my mother? They've been married since 1982. There's someone downstairs, so I must finish this quickly! If I tell, I will be betraying my father. If I don't tell, I will be betraying my mother. Help. Please! -- ANONYMOUS DAUGHTER IN BRAZIL

DEAR DAUGHTER: I don't know what you saw, or how you "know" that the woman your father was with is his mistress and not an acquaintance. However, the first person you should tell is your father. If there isn't an innocent explanation, then tell your mother what you saw.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: Today is Thanksgiving, the time we pause to consider the blessings for which we have to be thankful. In many homes across the country turkeys are being stuffed, just as the people who consume them will be later in the day.

But for many individuals, these holidays can be an intensely difficult time, triggering feelings of stress, loneliness and loss. If the person is prone to depression, these feelings can be further magnified.

How can anyone feel depressed at this time of year, you ask? It's not that far-fetched. People who are separated from their families often feel isolated because they can't celebrate in the traditional way. Families who have lost a loved one during the year often feel the absence especially keenly at this time. Others become depressed because they imagine that everyone else is enjoying a warm, idealized family experience, while they are on the outside looking in.

Even people who enjoy the holidays can find them stressful. This is a time of year when people are stretched for time, energy and money -- particularly the latter. They may become embarrassed because they can't celebrate the way they would like to, or in the style they have in years past.

Some ways to ward off the holiday blues:

Keep expectations reasonable. Don't take on more activities than you can handle -- financially or otherwise.

Don't overspend. Plan a holiday budget and live within it -- regardless of the temptation.

Do not run up credit card debt, or January will be like a serious hangover.

And speaking of hangovers -- watch your alcohol intake. Remember, although alcohol seems to be a mood elevator, it is actually a depressant. If you have a problem with alcohol, get whatever support you need to make it through the holidays.

A final thought: If you're feeling down and want an instant "upper," the surest way to accomplish it is to do something nice for someone else. Call someone who lives alone and invite that person to dinner. Better yet, say, "I'm coming to get you, and I'll see that you get safely home." (Some older people don't drive at night, and those who do might prefer not to be behind the wheel after dark.) Give it a try! You'll be glad you did.

And now, I'll repeat the Thanksgiving Prayer that was penned by my mother years ago. My Thanksgiving would not be complete without it:

O, Heavenly Father,

We thank Thee for food and remember the hungry.

We thank Thee for health and remember the sick.

We thank Thee for friends and remember the friendless.

We thank Thee for freedom and remember the enslaved.

May these remembrances stir us to service.

That Thy gifts to us may be used for others. Amen.

P.S. We have much for which to be grateful this Thanksgiving Day. For those of you with a little time to spare, how about showing our gratitude to veterans by visiting a veterans hospital and raising the spirits of those who have served our country?

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! -- LOVE, ABBY

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am in my early teens and have mood swings. I assume everybody has them, but I have had mine nearly every day for the past five months. One minute I will be laughing about something, the next minute I get "down in the dumps." I can feel happy and sad at the same time.

I haven't told anybody about how I feel -- not even my parents. I need to know if this is a real problem, or if this is a part of "growing up." Please help. -- CONFUSED ALABAMA TEEN

DEAR CONFUSED: You are at an age when there are massive changes occurring in your body chemistry. What you have described can sometimes be caused by hormonal shifts.

However, it is important that you communicate your feelings to your parents and discuss your mood swings with them. From my perspective, they are definitely a part of growing up. But if they continue to trouble you, an appointment with your family doctor should be scheduled.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Mack," and I have seven children. I was a stay-at-home mom while they were growing up. Mack worked in the oil fields. An accident in the fields put him in a wheelchair and now I work while he stays home.

Mack was told he would never again feel anything from the waist down, but he has been fortunate to have regained the use of everything except his left leg.

My problem is, while I am at work, Mack gets drunk and trashes the house. I have tried talking to him about it, but he gets defensive. He says I don't tell him what needs to be done so he doesn't do it. I feel he should look around and do what he knows needs to be done. How do I get him to cooperate? -- STUCK IN TEXAS

DEAR STUCK: Before your husband can do an effective job around the house, he will have to sober up. Please encourage him to get help for his drinking. The cause might be depression, frustration or anger that he is no longer the primary wage earner and is stuck at home doing what he perceives to be "woman's work." Counseling can help. And an AA meeting is as near as the phone book.

Once Mack has dried out enough to be lucid during your working hours, I recommend you give him a list of the things that need to be done around the house. It's a lot more helpful than giving him an argument later.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Wylie" for 3 1/2 years. Eight weeks ago, he gave me an engagement ring. I immediately shared the news with my friends. He, on the other hand, has told no one about our engagement.

One of the people I told went to Wylie and said, "I heard you're getting married." (He was going to congratulate him.) Wylie responded, "No. Maybe later."

When I heard about it, I asked my man, "Aren't we engaged?" He said yes.

Could he just be leading me on? -- FEELS LIKE A FOOL IN TENNESSEE

DEAR FEELS: Watch out for wily Wylie. If he denies to others that your engagement is for real, it isn't. Only a cad would behave that way.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)