DEAR ABBY: Please answer this quickly. There is no one else I can talk to. I am a devout Christian woman, prominent in my church and have an impeccable reputation. My late husband's family treats me with respect and generosity.

I was unhappy when "Henry" and I were married and I wanted to divorce him, but the man I was having an affair with at the time would not leave his wife for me. In spite of being devastated, I was also blessed because Henry died a short time later. I have been free now for 10 years.

I love my freedom and the relationship I have with Henry's family. But recently I have begun to wonder if I should confide in my brother-in-law, "Rick" (who is getting a divorce), that I was unhappy enough with his brother to have had affairs much of the time we were married. It might make Rick feel better about his own "mess" and possibly bring him closer to me.

Should I open my heart to him? He thinks of me as a sister. -- UNSURE IN CHARLESTON, S.C.

DEAR UNSURE: Your brother-in-law thinks of you as a sister because he is under the impression that you were a faithful and loving wife to Henry. If you shatter that illusion, you will spoil the relationship you have enjoyed so long with your former in-laws.

Since you feel a compulsion to confess, confess to your spiritual adviser. Confession is good for the soul, but in your case it should be completely confidential.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 34-year-old married woman with an adorable 8-year-old stepson, "Cody," who lives with his father and me. Cody's mother, "Heather," left five years ago. Shortly after that, I met and immediately fell in love with my ready-made family.

I cannot have children of my own. Heather's mistake of leaving her husband and child became my "miracle." I was willing to do anything to make my family work. There was so much hostility between my husband and Heather that they could barely converse without it becoming a yelling match.

Now, four years later, my husband, stepson and I have a civil relationship with Heather. Although Cody lives with us, his mother has him every other weekend. (We live in the same town.) Heather and I are both active in Cody's school activities, and we share the responsibility of taking him to doctor and dentist appointments (sometimes together). We have been applauded by Cody's teachers for being so supportive of our little boy.

Recently Heather has begun confiding in me about her personal problems. She has a good job, pays no child support, so I'm not sure why she's as broke as she claims. Listening to her money woes makes me extremely uncomfortable, but I'm afraid if I say so, it could cause conflict all over again. That's the last thing I want after trying so hard to get us all to be a family unit for Cody's sake.

My friends and family say that I'm letting my husband's ex-wife manipulate me, and I'm beginning to wonder if it's true. How should I handle it, Abby? -- STEPMOM WHO WANTS WHAT'S BEST FOR HER FAMILY

DEAR STEPMOM: For the sake of your stepson, continue to allow his mother to vent. She's not asking you for money -- and if she does, suggest to her as kindly as possible that a second job and credit counseling can help.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 14 and recently went snooping through some old boxes in the attic. In one of them, I found a wedding picture with my mother as a bride. I was shocked to see that the groom was not my father. He was a man who is a friend of the family! The date on the photograph is 1980. I had no clue that my mother was ever married before.

Do you think my father knows? I don't know what to do with this news. -- IN SHOCK IN OREGON

DEAR IN SHOCK: Here's what to do with the "news." Show the wedding picture to your mother and say, "That must have been some costume party!"

Seriously, I'm sure her first marriage isn't meant to be a deep, dark family secret. I'm also sure your father is aware of it, because a prior marriage is something that someone HAS to reveal before remarrying; the question is asked at the registrar's office when a couple applies for a marriage license.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 26-year-old married woman. "Jerry" and I have been married just a year, but we've been together for almost four. We have one child who is 3 and another on the way.

Jerry joined the Navy soon after our wedding. He met "Hank" in boot camp, and they became good friends and hung out together until Jerry was deployed to Japan. Hank remained here and comes over from time to time to play with our son.

For the most part, I am content in my marriage, but lately I've had strong feelings for Hank. Hank has told me he has feelings for me, too. Now I'm mixed up about everything. I don't know if I could ever leave my marriage, but more and more I can picture myself with Hank.

Please don't get me wrong, Abby. I've never been one to do wild and crazy things, but right now I feel like I have no control over this. Jerry doesn't suspect anything and I don't know if I need to tell him -- after all, Hank and I haven't "slipped." But my feelings are too strong to ignore. Please help. -- CONFUSED NAVY WIFE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CONFUSED NAVY WIFE: Your husband is away. You are lonely. You are pregnant with your second child, and you are feeling vulnerable. However, you have more control than you think. You can stop seeing Hank -- so you will no longer be tempted to "slip." If you feel you need emotional support, speak to a chaplain on the naval base. You're a military wife now, and it's important that you stay strong for your husband. E-mail him. Write to him. Keep yourself occupied. Fill your time so you won't have time to dwell on Hank.

DEAR ABBY: I am having a terrible time with my husband, "Josh." We have been married almost 10 years, but the last six have been miserable.

Josh refuses to work on a regular basis. He's a compulsive liar who looks me right in the eye and lies with conviction. I know my marriage is over, but I am afraid of how a divorce will affect our two kids. It has gotten so bad the kids ask me why I am always unhappy. I am heartbroken, Abby. I know I need to make the break and move on -- but how? -- HEARTBROKEN WIFE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Tell your husband you will no longer tolerate the lying, and offer him the chance to take his problem to a therapist. If he refuses, give serious thought to how living with a compulsive liar will affect your children, and then consult an attorney. You did not create this problem, so stop feeling guilty about protecting yourself and the children.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Would you please forward my letter to a very good friend of mine? I have never met this remarkable woman, but she has been a big part of my life for a couple of years. I met her through your column. Her name is "Heartbroken Sister."

I recently celebrated my first year of abstinence from tobacco. She was my inspiration. Had it not been for her letter, I would never have been able to stop. Like "Heartbroken's" sister, I, too, am in my early 40s with small children. Like her, I started smoking at 13. That letter broke my heart, but it also made me think about the importance of being responsible for my health. I know she was trying to get through to teenagers, but she wound up saving my life. Her sister didn't die in vain!

Please tell "Heartbroken" that I love her and that she's always in my heart and prayers. Her letter remains posted on my refrigerator where I can see it every day as a reminder of her inspiration and love. -- LYDIA ELDREDGE, POCATELLO, IDAHO

DEAR LYDIA: Congratulations for conquering your addiction. Your letter warmed my heart. You chose the right time to write. November is Lung Cancer Awareness Month, and today is the 27th annual Great American Smokeout. For those who may not know about it, the Smokeout is an upbeat, good-humored, one-day campaign to encourage smokers to quit for 24 hours -- just to prove to themselves they can do it.

The letter that inspired you appeared in my column in November 2000. Today I'm printing excerpts from it because more than half of all smokers start before age 14. A majority of teenage smokers have tried to quit, but can't. They're "hooked." An estimated 2,000 teens a day begin to smoke. Tragically, half of them will eventually die from a smoking-related illness. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Aug. 4 would have been my sister's 45th birthday. Sadly, she died in October of 1999. She had been a smoker since she was 13.

During her illness, I promised her I would try to stop as many kids as I could from making the same deadly mistake.

Teenagers and Preteens: Smoking isn't "cool." It's deadly! If you don't smoke, please don't ever start. If you do smoke, quit NOW -- if you can. Tobacco products are silent killers. By the time you find out you have a tobacco-related illness, it's usually too late.

More than 440,000 people in the United States die of tobacco-related diseases each year. I'm sure each and every one of them thought, "It won't happen to me." That's exactly what my sister thought. She was wrong -- dead wrong. Thanks to her addiction, she'll miss her sons' graduations, she'll never attend their weddings or see the faces of her grandchildren. She won't grow old with the husband she loved and who adored her.

Our family is devastated. We miss my beautiful sister with all our hearts. Please help me spread the word. -- HEARTBROKEN SISTER

READERS: The American Cancer Society informs me that when smokers quit, the benefits begin immediately. Twenty minutes after the last cigarette, blood pressure drops to a level close to that before the last cigarette. Eight hours after quitting, carbon monoxide levels in the blood drop to normal. Twenty-four hours later, the chance of heart attack decreases.

After one to nine months, coughing, sinus congestion, fatigue and shortness of breath decrease, and cilia regain normal function in the lungs, increasing the ability to handle mucus, clean the lungs and reduce infection. One year later, excess risk of coronary heart disease is half that of a smoker's.

After five years, stroke risk is reduced to that of a nonsmoker. After 10 years, the lung cancer fatality rate is about half that of a smoker's, and the risk of oral, throat, esophageal, bladder, kidney and pancreatic cancer also decreases. Fifteen years after quitting, the risk of coronary heart disease is the same as that of a nonsmoker's.

Take it from me -- those are all terrific incentives to quit TODAY.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)