DEAR ABBY: I'm 15. My mom recently split up with her second husband. He was very controlling and abusive. Afterward, she promised me she would not get into any more relationships with men for a while. I was glad because I really need her attention right now -- and so do my younger sisters. (Our stepfather never allowed her to be alone with us.)

Our problem is, one month later mom broke her promise and started seeing another man. My sisters and I don't like him because he is an alcoholic, with no job, and he's making our mother more depressed than she was. When he gets drunk, he flips out and threatens suicide. I don't think this is healthy for my mom, and it saddens me to see her in another messed-up relationship.

I have tried talking to her about this, but she gets mad and says I don't want her to be happy. I just want what is best for her. Am I being selfish or are my feelings right? Can you please talk to her? -- MARIE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR MARIE: Sometimes the young people who write to me have a clearer vision of what's going on than the adults in their lives. You appear to be one of them.

You didn't mention whether your father is part of your lives, or if you have any aunts, uncles or grandparents to whom you can confide.

Your mother appears to be desperate for a man in her life. She is not thinking clearly, which is why she's not getting your important message. She needs to hear it from another adult, so bring this problem to the attention of a trusted relative, teacher, school nurse, clergyperson or the parent of a friend. Please don't wait.

DEAR ABBY: "Adam," the boy I went to the prom with last spring, had a serious car accident just before summer vacation. He had multiple injuries and some brain damage. Miraculously, he has almost fully recovered. I visited Adam many times while he was in the hospital and in rehab. I wanted to "be there" for him and his family.

My problem is, now that he is better, he wants to pick up where we left off and continue our romantic relationship. But I don't feel the same about him. It has nothing to do with his accident; it's just that I met a great guy this summer and he is now my boyfriend.

The other day, Adam told me he can't stop thinking about me, and when he does it makes him feel good. How do I tell him that we are no longer a couple without making him dejected? He is already pessimistic and could get depressed. I would like him just to be a friend. -- CAN'T GO ON LEADING HIM ON

DEAR CAN'T GO ON: Tell Adam the truth before he hears it from someone else. Make it plain that you care about his welfare and want to remain friends -- as your behavior has demonstrated -- but that you are now romantically involved with someone else.

Do not allow anyone to make you feel guilty about it. You were there for Adam when he needed you most -- and you were only dating. Neither of you had made a lifetime commitment.

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DEAR ABBY: I am a 24-year-old guy a year out of college. For a while, I had a job in my field, but it didn't hold my interest. Management picked up on it. They let me go before my six-month probation period was over.

Now I'm stuck living at home collecting unemployment. I don't have any idea what I want to do with my life. My days are spent watching TV, puttering around on the computer and playing video games. My parents are nagging me to get another job and treating me like a second-class citizen because I don't have one.

I'm clear on the things I like and don't like, but nobody's going to pay me to watch TV for a living. I know I'd like to get married and have a family, but in terms of a career, I don't have a clue. I envy people who have their whole lives planned and stick to it.

Every time my mother makes a suggestion, I tell her she's way off. She complains I have no ambition, and she's right. I'm a tad lazy. All I care about is what's happening on "Friends" and what my friends and I are doing for fun on the weekend.

According to statistics, it takes six to nine months for someone to find another job, but I don't know how or where to begin. Meanwhile, my bills are piling up, and I'm supposed to be paying rent to my parents. I also have a student loan hanging over my head like a hatchet. Abby, please help me get outta here! -- DOWN ON MY LIFE IN EDMONTON, ALBERTA

DEAR DOWN: A logical first step would be for you to go back to the college from which you graduated and consult its career counseling services. You will be tested to see where your talents and training lie. Somewhere along the line, you lost your direction and self-confidence. You should also be evaluated by your doctor for ADHD and depression.

You are obviously a bright young man. There is more to life than parties and television. Please take the necessary steps to get on with your life. You have much to offer.

DEAR ABBY: I am 34 years old, married for three years. My husband does not work. He gets a disability check but doesn't help with the bills or anything around the house. He claims he's looking for a job.

I recently told him about a job opportunity, and he asked me if I would forward his resume. I did. The next day, he told me he wasn't interested in the job because it was a graveyard shift.

I thought a graveyard shift was better than no shift at all. I am struggling to make ends meet, and he is still making no effort to help. I told him almost a year ago that he would have to move out. Well, he is still here.

I want to move on with my life, but I'm afraid to take the next step. Please give me some advice. I am very confused. -- STRUGGLING IN MARYLAND

DEAR STRUGGLING: It appears your husband is shiftless in more ways than one. If the present situation continues, you will crack under the stress. If he were looking for employment but unable to find it, I'd advise you to be patient and have your husband screened for depression. However, since he has you carrying the entire load and shows no signs of assuming his share of the responsibilities, my advice is to contact a lawyer. That may be the wake-up call your husband needs.

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DEAR ABBY: I am a 15-year-old sophomore in high school. Last year I got into trouble for ditching school and had to go to summer school to make up for my lousy attendance. I thought I would feel differently about things this year, but I don't. It's hard to get out of bed in the morning. I never feel like doing anything.

My parents are having trouble, too. Rumors about my dad having an affair were swirling around town, and at a party, some friends told my mom they were true. They struggled to keep their marriage going, but they couldn't. My dad left.

Abby, my entire family seems to be in deep water with no sign of shore. Is there help for us? -- IN DEEP WATER IN ILLINOIS

DEAR IN DEEP WATER: Divorce is painful, but it is not the end of the world. Tiredness and an inability to concentrate are signs of depression. Please show this letter to your mother. Both of you could benefit from medical and psychological help during this difficult period. If your mother is too distracted to help you, confide in a trusted teacher at school. There IS a light at the end of this tunnel for both you and your mother. You'll get out of the darkness faster with professional help, and please tell her I said so.

DEAR ABBY: My son, "Frank," is happily married. His wife, "Irene," seems to idolize her extended family. Every occasion we celebrate at their home includes Irene's parents, her "Uncle Craig" and "Aunt Lucy" and her cousins.

The problem is, while I was shopping at a mall recently, I encountered Uncle Craig with his arm around a revealingly dressed young woman. His hand was under the back waistband of her jeans. He acknowledged me with a red-faced nod and kept walking.

I haven't disclosed what I saw to anyone other than my husband, but ever since that encounter, we've avoided the celebrations at Frank and Irene's because we know Craig and Lucy will be there. We're running out of excuses, but I don't think Frank and Irene would believe me if I told them the truth.

I have three grandchildren under the age of 9, and I really miss seeing them. What should I do? -- SAW TOO MUCH IN NEWARK

DEAR S.T.M.: Don't allow the fact that you caught Uncle Craig with his hand in the cookie jar (or whatever) to separate you from your grandchildren. Go to the family get-togethers and enjoy yourselves. Be civil to Uncle Craig, but keep your distance. Time wounds all heels, and I'm sure this one will be no exception.

DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing a girl for nearly a year. We are getting serious. She comes over to my house all the time and has met my parents. We all get along really well. The problem is, she will not allow me to meet her parents. I feel as if I am a big secret. What should I do? -- TEEN IN LOVE IN TOLEDO

DEAR TEEN IN LOVE: Be direct. Ask her why you haven't been introduced. You may discover you are not the secret, and she is worried that if you meet her parents, you won't like her anymore. Or she may be dating without her parents' permission. In other words, the problem may not be YOU.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)