DEAR READERS: Today is Veterans Day -- the day that is dedicated to the brave men and women who have served this country with honor, in war and in peace. You have our gratitude for your devotion to duty.

The poem that follows has appeared in my column before. The author's wife, Marie C. Middleton, was kind enough to send it to me. I'm sure you'll agree that it's a fitting tribute to share on Veterans Day.

A SOLDIER'S PRAYER

by Maj. Gen. James B. Middleton

Lord, bless the wives

who grieve alone

And comfort the mothers

who mourn their own

Give solace to the fathers

who lost their sons

On foreign shores and in

places unknown.

Lord, strengthen the resolve

of we who remain

To see that they did not

die in vain.

DEAR ABBY: When my husband gets out of the military, we will be deciding where to live. We want to live near my parents, but how close is too close?

The house next door is for sale. We don't have kids yet, but I keep imagining how wonderful it would be to have their grandparents next door. My mom and I have always been close; however, I don't want to move next door if it will hurt our relationship in the long run. If we set boundaries up front, could it work? -- CAUTIOUS WIFE AND DAUGHTER

DEAR CAUTIOUS: It all depends on the individuals involved. In some families, the kind of situation you have described works well. In others, it leads to chaos and unhappiness. Much depends upon whether your husband wants to be your parents' "extended family" and on how well your parents respect boundaries.

In your case, no decisions should be made until your husband has completed his tour of duty and you have discussed this matter thoroughly and honestly.

DEAR ABBY: I am 57 years old with grown children. Twelve years ago, I moved closer to my parents so I could care for them. After Dad died in '97, Mother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. I took care of her in my home for a while, but when her needs increased to 24/7, I could no longer handle it. Fortunately, I found her a nice nursing home, and I visit her often. I host cookie parties for all the residents and take Mother out for weekly rides and ice cream. She is no longer able to speak, and I am not sure she still knows me.

This Christmas, my husband wants to take me to Arizona for a family vacation. He says Mother won't know the difference. Abby, I feel so guilty leaving her. Should I go? -- DEVOTED DAUGHTER IN MISSOURI

DEAR DEVOTED: Yes, you should go. Have an early Christmas party with your mother and the other residents before you leave for Arizona. The timing won't matter to them. Please, do not feel guilty. Your signature says it all.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My close friend, "Denise," tells me when others say something derogatory about me. Some examples:

Denise was recently in a restaurant with "Martha," a mutual friend, when I happened to enter. Denise said that Martha laughed and made fun of me when she saw me. Another time, a woman I'll call Lorraine invited Denise to a party but didn't invite me. Denise said she told Lorraine she wouldn't attend unless I were also invited. Lorraine relented and reluctantly invited me, although Denise said she really didn't want to.

There have been other incidents when people said unflattering things about me to Denise, and Denise reported them to me. Why? I never tell her when I hear something uncomplimentary about her because I don't want to hurt her feelings. Why do you suppose she feels compelled to bring me "bad news" about myself? Your opinion is appreciated. -- HURTING IN MINNEAPOLIS

DEAR HURTING: She does it because she gets a perverse pleasure out of hurting you. A more important question is: Why do you tolerate it? So-called "friends" have been known to make up unkind things out of whole cloth in order to isolate people from their other friends. If I were you, I'd start asking the individuals she reports are bad-mouthing you if what she said is true. I advise you to keep Denise at arm's length. She personifies the old saying, "It takes an enemy and a friend working together to hurt you to the core -- the enemy to slander you and the friend to get the news to you."

DEAR ABBY: All my life, I have been unbearably shy. I have few friends. My co-workers think I dislike them because I don't talk much. I do like most people and I'm tired of being lonely -- but when I try to communicate, I panic and can't think of what to say. How can I get over this? -- CLAMMED-UP IN KANSAS

DEAR CLAMMED-UP: By writing to me, you have already taken the first step in coping with your problem -- so don't be shy. You're on the right track.

I have several suggestions to offer. The first is simple. Write down, in advance, some topics to discuss with your co-workers and take the list with you. If your mind goes blank, consult the list. Believe me, you are not the only person to whom this happens.

If that isn't enough to get the ball rolling, consider that you might suffer from a social anxiety disorder. A psychologist can help you overcome it with counseling and medications. Enough people suffer from social anxiety disorders that online support groups have been formed to provide help. Members.aol.com/cybernettr/shyness.html offers information to help overcome shyness, as well as tips on job hunting, assertiveness and dating.

The Social Anxiety Group at http://anxietynetwork.com offers support and education to those with anxiety disorders. Members exchange coping skills, and there are online support meetings for people with social phobias. I'm sure you will be welcomed.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I met "David" eight months ago, and we were married after only a few months. He doesn't have many male friends, by choice. Although I love David, he is smothering me. David works next door and watches everything I do. If I go to the store, he has to go. If I play on the computer, he's right there beside me. It seems I can't do anything without him around. I'm not cheating and he knows it, but it seems he has to spend every waking moment by my side.

I don't want to be rude, because I love my husband. But I need some breathing space. He wonders why I am irritable with him so often. Please give me some advice about the smothering. -- CAN'T BREATHE IN COEUR D'ALENE, IDAHO

DEAR CAN'T BREATHE: Your marriage is in serious trouble. I don't know your husband; however, he appears to be super-controlling, hyper-needy and insecure. That he has no male friends is telling. For whatsoever reason, he is completely dependent upon you.

Tell David exactly how you feel. He needs counseling before he loses you -- and you both would benefit from counseling together to work on your communication skills.

DEAR ABBY: My 16-year-old daughter, "Olivia," is pregnant. My husband, "Bill," kicked her out of the house because the father is of another race. Abby, she has nowhere to live and is staying with whoever will take her in each night. She doesn't eat properly and she doesn't sleep well.

Olivia has always dreamed of going to college and becoming a private investigator. I am afraid if she doesn't come home, she may not be strong enough to make it through high school -- especially with a baby to take care of.

I am desperate to help my daughter, but Bill won't budge. Should I leave him and let the chips fall where they may? -- WORRIED ABOUT MY DAUGHTER IN FORT WORTH

DEAR WORRIED: Your daughter is in serious trouble. She needs you right now to survive. Tell your husband, the bigot, that Olivia is your responsibility legally and morally until she reaches adulthood. If he refuses to back off and accept it, HE should be the one to leave, not you and Olivia.

DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine was flying from Seattle to San Francisco. Her plane made an unscheduled stop in Sacramento. The flight attendant explained that if passengers wanted to get off the aircraft they could re-board in 30 minutes.

Everyone got off the plane except for one gentleman who was blind. His Seeing Eye dog lay quietly under the seats in front of him. The man must have been a regular on that flight, because the pilot approached him and said, "James, we're in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?"

James replied, "No, thanks. But maybe my dog would like to stretch HIS legs."

People in the terminal were aghast and pointing when they saw the pilot -- wearing aviator sunglasses -- emerge from the plane being led by a Seeing Eye dog! -- STILL LAUGHING IN TAMPA

DEAR LAUGHING: For someone with a fear of flying, that may have been the last straw. However, with airline technology advancing at the rate it has in recent years, what they surmised may one day be reality.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)