DEAR ABBY: I met "David" eight months ago, and we were married after only a few months. He doesn't have many male friends, by choice. Although I love David, he is smothering me. David works next door and watches everything I do. If I go to the store, he has to go. If I play on the computer, he's right there beside me. It seems I can't do anything without him around. I'm not cheating and he knows it, but it seems he has to spend every waking moment by my side.

I don't want to be rude, because I love my husband. But I need some breathing space. He wonders why I am irritable with him so often. Please give me some advice about the smothering. -- CAN'T BREATHE IN COEUR D'ALENE, IDAHO

DEAR CAN'T BREATHE: Your marriage is in serious trouble. I don't know your husband; however, he appears to be super-controlling, hyper-needy and insecure. That he has no male friends is telling. For whatsoever reason, he is completely dependent upon you.

Tell David exactly how you feel. He needs counseling before he loses you -- and you both would benefit from counseling together to work on your communication skills.

DEAR ABBY: My 16-year-old daughter, "Olivia," is pregnant. My husband, "Bill," kicked her out of the house because the father is of another race. Abby, she has nowhere to live and is staying with whoever will take her in each night. She doesn't eat properly and she doesn't sleep well.

Olivia has always dreamed of going to college and becoming a private investigator. I am afraid if she doesn't come home, she may not be strong enough to make it through high school -- especially with a baby to take care of.

I am desperate to help my daughter, but Bill won't budge. Should I leave him and let the chips fall where they may? -- WORRIED ABOUT MY DAUGHTER IN FORT WORTH

DEAR WORRIED: Your daughter is in serious trouble. She needs you right now to survive. Tell your husband, the bigot, that Olivia is your responsibility legally and morally until she reaches adulthood. If he refuses to back off and accept it, HE should be the one to leave, not you and Olivia.

DEAR ABBY: A friend of mine was flying from Seattle to San Francisco. Her plane made an unscheduled stop in Sacramento. The flight attendant explained that if passengers wanted to get off the aircraft they could re-board in 30 minutes.

Everyone got off the plane except for one gentleman who was blind. His Seeing Eye dog lay quietly under the seats in front of him. The man must have been a regular on that flight, because the pilot approached him and said, "James, we're in Sacramento for almost an hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?"

James replied, "No, thanks. But maybe my dog would like to stretch HIS legs."

People in the terminal were aghast and pointing when they saw the pilot -- wearing aviator sunglasses -- emerge from the plane being led by a Seeing Eye dog! -- STILL LAUGHING IN TAMPA

DEAR LAUGHING: For someone with a fear of flying, that may have been the last straw. However, with airline technology advancing at the rate it has in recent years, what they surmised may one day be reality.

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DEAR ABBY: Twenty-five years ago, my husband and I hired a 16-year-old girl, "Susan," as a "mother's helper" for the summer. She watched our children while my husband, "Drew," and I worked. Once in a while Susan would spend the night. On one of those nights, Drew raped Susan and she became pregnant.

Charges were not filed, and Drew begged my forgiveness. Drew paid for Susan's medical expenses and she was sent away to a maternity home. The baby was adopted. We never knew whether the child was a boy or a girl.

We moved 800 miles away to get over the shame, and after a lot of hard work, we repaired our marriage. We never told our children about Susan and their father.

Last week, Drew received a special delivery letter from his birth daughter. She wants to meet him and ask him some questions. She has already met Susan, who did not tell her about the rape. Susan told her she was the result of a "relationship that didn't work out."

Abby, should Drew refuse to meet her? Should he tell her the truth? Should we tell our grown children? We need your help. -- PAIN REVISITED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR PAIN REVISITED: Your husband was the beneficiary of outdated thinking from the "dark ages." Today he would be a registered sex offender with a prison record.

Drew should meet the girl he fathered. If asked, he should corroborate the story that her mother has told her. He should also answer any questions regarding medical history that could affect her and her children.

Unless you want your children to know this disgraceful chapter in their father's life, I see no reason to reveal the rest of the story to them.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Keith," is 14. He started acting different and told me he was hearing voices telling him they were going to kill him. I told his mom and she took him to a doctor. The doctor said Keith was psychotic and placed him in a locked psych ward.

My mom said I couldn't visit Keith in the hospital, but after a few weeks I snuck over there against her will. Keith was getting better and we were able to walk outside together and talk.

When Mom found out, she stopped talking to me because I refused to break up with him. She liked him a lot before he got sick.

I'd like your opinion on why Mom didn't want me to visit Keith in the psych ward. He was still the same person. Please answer soon. -- FRIGHTENED IN ORLANDO, FLA.

DEAR FRIGHTENED: I can only surmise what your mother may have been thinking. It could have been because she does not understand mental illness and was concerned for your safety. It's also possible she preferred that Keith be completely recovered before you contacted him. (People who are isolated in the hospital usually need peace and quiet to aid in their recovery.)

However, if ever Keith needed friends to rally around him, it's now. Apologize to your mother for disobeying her. She really should talk to Keith's mother about his treatment and prognosis before making any final decisions about your relationship with him.

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DEAR ABBY: I am 38 and was in a relationship for 12 years. We had three beautiful children together. "John" started cheating on me a few months after we began dating and wound up cheating on me 14 times throughout our relationship. He has been into the drug scene and served some time in prison for setting a church fire.

John and I never married, but I remained faithful to him. He has been in a federal prison for almost five years, but we communicate through letters and phone calls. I have no trust in this relationship anymore and get aggravated when I hear his voice. I want to move on, but something keeps holding me back. I feel I am running out of time. Can you help me figure out what to do with my life, Abby? -- KATIE IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR KATIE: Wake up and smell the coffee. The man to whom you have given your heart is a philandering, drug-using pyromaniac. He has no respect for the house of God and what it represents, and if he loved you and his children, he would have married you and shown some responsibility years ago.

Here is what to do with your life: Stop accepting his phone calls. If you haven't already done so, figure out how you are going to support yourself and the children.

Your future is ahead of you, so stop looking backward. There is no reason you cannot have a full life and a rewarding relationship with a man if you want it. But regardless of what he might say or promise, that man isn't John, so let him go. Concentrate on the present, and the future will take care of itself.

DEAR ABBY: My relationship with "Horace" has been going well for several months. We're both in our early 40s. He drives 100 miles each weekend to spend time with me. The problem is he has a bad case of sleep apnea and refuses to see a doctor.

I am afraid he'll have a heart attack in his sleep. Horace is a heavy guy and he snores so loud the neighbors complain. He holds his breath, then jerks around until he can gasp air in again. It's scary.

I know there's treatment for this, but Horace is sure he'll need surgery. He hasn't been to a doctor since he was a child, and I think he's afraid he'll have to change his lifestyle. Any advice would be appreciated. -- CAROLE IN CLEVELAND

DEAR CAROLE: Horace has a serious medical problem. Tell him that you care for him and think you have a future together -- but only if he's living. There are treatments for sleep apnea that don't require surgery. The first step is for Horace to consult a sleep disorder specialist and be properly evaluated. Since he doesn't have a physician, perhaps your doctor could suggest a clinic.

Another source of information that could be helpful is apneanet.org. It provides a forum that facilitates the exchange of information and ideas for persons affected by this condition.

There is a solution to Horace's problem. However, to find it he must behave like an adult and face the fact that he has a problem.

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