DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 35 years. I worked for the first few years, but my husband, "Lou," was mean and beat me. He broke my arm, my shoulder, my jaw and a couple of ribs. Lou wouldn't let me have contact with friends or family because it took time away from him. He said he couldn't stand coming home to an empty house and that was why he cheated. Then Lou decided I could no longer work because he wanted me home when he got there.

So I gave up my job, stayed home and cleaned, cooked and raised our children. (They are now all grown and married.) I waited on Lou hand and foot. I felt more like a slave than a wife -- but I loved him.

Well, now he has a girlfriend. He met her at the country club. We used to golf there together. She knew Lou was married but still asked him to come home with her and lured him into her bed.

Last week, Lou told me to get a job and credit cards, and learn to take care of myself. I want to die. He was my whole life. If a man steals your car or burglarizes your house, he goes to jail. Yet someone can steal your husband and walk away free. There ought to be a law to stop this kind of thievery. -- SCARED OF A NEW LIFE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR SCARED: I find it interesting that instead of aiming your anger at your husband where it belongs, you have directed it at his next victim. He was obviously doing a lot more than the usual amount of "swinging" at the golf club. If she marries him, he will do to her exactly what he has done to you.

Please recognize that the good Lord has blessed you with a chance for a better life. You have been handed the keys to your prison cell. You now have the opportunity to regain a relationship with the family from whom you were isolated and to build healthy, supportive friendships. Once you are back in the work force, you will regain your self-reliance and dignity. Counseling can help in each of these areas, so please stop clinging to the past and avail yourself of it.

Consult a lawyer ASAP to make sure your husband cannot hide his assets, and find out what you are entitled to after 35 years of servitude. You may be pleasantly surprised.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Oscar," and I have been dating for more than two years. In the last few months, we have begun talking about eloping, but I have reservations because I have never been introduced to his parents, who live out of state.

Oscar's parents are not financially able to visit us, so last year, he arranged to have us visit his parents over the holidays. However, the plans mysteriously unraveled.

I have asked Oscar several times if there is something that he is afraid to tell me, but he insists that he is merely unconventional.

Am I right to be worried? Or am I just being paranoid? -- FRUSTRATED IN MARYLAND

DEAR FRUSTRATED: You are right to be worried. When you marry someone, you also marry his or her family. Make no more commitments until you -- and your family -- have met Oscar's family. It appears that your "unconventional" boyfriend has something to hide.

DEAR ABBY: I never thought I would ever write to you, but last night our son -- who is engaged -- came over and told us that his fiancee's parents are upset with us because we didn't pick up the check for a dinner THEY invited us to.

Were we wrong not to offer to pay for the dinner? -- ELOISE IN NEWPORT, R.I.

DEAR ELOISE: There was obviously a miscommunication somewhere. Invite them to dinner ASAP, pick up the check, and in the future, offer to split the bill.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I had to write after reading the letter from "Brokenhearted Mom in Virginia." My 14-year-old daughter developed an Internet relationship with a now 21-year-old man when she was 10. By the time she was 12, he was drawing her into a deeply dysfunctional relationship. Unbeknownst to her, he was a mental patient who was obsessed with suicide and self-mutilation.

Without going into a lot of detail, it took more than a year to permanently end this relationship and purge this person from our lives. When our daughter tried on her own to extricate herself, he threatened to commit suicide and take her with him, as well as kill her family. We were finally able to get him locked up in a mental facility. We were also able to obtain a restraining order to keep him away.

Abby, please impress upon "Brokenhearted Mom" that her daughter is a child and does not see the situation in the same light as she does. Her friends may be encouraging and enabling the relationship. The daughter will most likely see it as an "us against them" situation.

"Mom" must assert control and pay a visit to her local police station. She should speak to an officer about her options, and make sure to document the relationship as best she can. She should also obtain copies of all correspondence between the man and her daughter. There is software that can capture their conversations to a file.

When it comes to obtaining a restraining order, "Brokenhearted Mom" will need evidence of the relationship because it is likely her daughter will refuse to cooperate. Once the police become involved, they will probably contact the perpetrator and warn him. If that doesn't work, a restraining order is next, and if he violates that, he will be arrested.

It's important to bear in mind that the daughter will need professional help in recovering from a relationship with a pedophile. She's going to be very, very angry at her mother. A therapist can help her deal with this. In fact, a therapist should be contacted for help BEFORE any action is taken to end the relationship. It will be a very difficult behavioral period.

And last, please, please move the computer to a central location where a parent can supervise exactly what his or her child is doing at all times. Internet access should not be allowed when a parent cannot be around. I learned this lesson the hard way. Access to the telephone may also have to be limited for a time. Caller ID is extremely helpful, because you can block the stalker's number. -- WISER NOW ON THE EAST COAST

DEAR WISER NOW: Thank you for sharing your experience with more readers -- and parents -- than you can imagine. I hope they will take your experience to heart and understand that their children are as vulnerable wandering in cyberspace as they would be wandering the streets of a strange city. Predators capitalize on the lack of experience and gullibility of young people -- some of whom are lonely, emotionally isolated and needy. Their access can be curtailed only if parents take the time, and make it their business, to do it.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: When you advised "Brokenhearted Mom in Virginia," whose daughter is being lured by an Internet predator, to call the police and get them involved, you gave good advice. My 13-year-old daughter was in the same situation.

The 37-year-old man who "loved" my daughter and "wanted to marry her and have children with her" was a pedophile who had already molested a 10-year-old girl. He had told my daughter he was 15. I went straight to the police with as much information as I could -- name, address, phone number.

The detectives have been wonderful. My daughter and I are now in counseling to repair the damage this man did to our relationship. I am grateful beyond words for all the support I have been given, and thank God every day that my daughter is still with me.

By the way, she didn't meet this guy in a chat room, but playing a game on the Internet. -- THANKFUL MOM

DEAR THANKFUL: I'm relieved your story has a happy ending. Since printing that letter, I have been informed that parents should also report this crime to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children by visiting the Web site at www.missingkids.com and filing a report on the CyberTip line.

Parents must be vigilant in monitoring their children's Internet usage. To do otherwise is to invite a stranger into your home with unmonitored access to your children. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My 16-year-old stepdaughter, "Ginger," met a man on the Internet. At first he claimed to be 17 -- then 24. He turned out to be 56. Ginger became pregnant at 17. She claimed her baby was a local boy's child. We found out on the eve of her moving out to live with the predator that our grandchild was really his.

In an effort to find out if he was sincere or a stalker, I created a fake screen name, set myself up as an attractive young girl (complete with a photo from a royalty-free photo site), and developed a profile that would be attractive to him based on my daughter's likes and dislikes. He contacted me immediately, and within 10 minutes he solicited me for intimate phone conversation. Our chats always ended with him urging me to call him. I recorded these sessions for future use against him, then reported the pervert to the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children (www.ncmec.org).

This incident has been devastating for Ginger. She suffers from it daily. She has missed a lot of fun in her high school days because of having a child. She is now in counseling and on a long road to becoming the bright, cheerful person she was before she was consumed by this. -- 'GINGER'S' MOM

DEAR MOM: Your story is chilling. Unfortunately, I have received similar letters from distraught parents telling this same story and wondering how to handle a situation that is out of control. No one wants to be told he or she is being used or taken advantage of, and that includes teenagers whose self-esteem may be fragile to begin with. But it is up to the parents to take control when necessary.

Stay tuned. There will be more on this tomorrow -- when I print a letter that will curl your hair.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)