DEAR ABBY: I'm a retired police officer who has worked in prisons with both male and female inmates.

Your response to "Alarmed Host," whose co-worker "Jane," wants to bring "Al," an ex-convict, to her dinner party, needs to be expanded.

While incarcerated, inmates live with other inmates who are often smarter and more experienced. This gives them many opportunities to enhance their skills. They become experts in deceiving those around them, including persons like "Jane," the naive young lady in "Alarmed's" letter. A host has a responsibility to protect her guests. Inmates are adept at listening and taking mental notes of information, such as that being shared by potential victims that can be used later to commit burglary, home invasions, identity theft, rape, assault, etc. Without behavior modification treatment programs while in prison, few inmates change on their own. -- NO NAME FOR OBVIOUS REASONS

DEAR NO NAME: Your points are well taken. The fact that Jane refused to disclose the nature of Al's crime is also telling. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Get out the wet noodle. "Alarmed" doesn't need to meet Al before the party; she should disinvite Jane immediately!

Almost 70 percent of convicts are repeat offenders, masters in the art of deceit. I know. I have worked with them. Many proudly display albums of "girlfriends" with whom they correspond and carefully catalog their assets. "Alarmed" has due cause for concern.

I once had an inmate clerk I'll call Russ -- very intelligent, quite handsome. Although he had only completed high school before his first conviction, I could explain to him a highly technical accounting procedure -- once -- and he'd turn in a perfect work product.

One day, Russ rushed into my office, exclaiming, "Boss, Boss, I'm getting out. I leave this weekend!" I asked him how many times he had been down. "Five," he said. "But one doesn't count because it was for parole violation." I congratulated Russ and told him, "You're a good worker. You're smart. I don't ever want to see you again." He thanked me and assured me I wouldn't.

Six months later, my inmate truck driver reported that a new inmate at Diagnostics had asked him to tell me that he wanted his old job back. You guessed it -- it was Russ.

Friend "Jane" needs help. It's true that Al has paid the debt society has imposed upon him. But the relevant question is, "Has he changed?" -- FORMER PRISON EMPLOYEE

DEAR FORMER PRISON EMPLOYEE: You're right. But let's not forget that some people DO change. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I am an ex-con, a former drug dealer. Although I abide by the law now, I am still paying for what I did. I have a hard time finding work, living arrangements and living a normal life.

"Al" needs a break. You're never done with your time when you must tell everyone you're an ex-con. You're looked down on, no matter how sorry you feel or how well you're doing. It's humiliating. I wish I could go back and do things differently, but I can't. And neither can Al. -- EX-CON IN ARIZONA

DEAR EX-CON: I understand that post-prison life is frustrating. However, as long as you refuse to allow your past to determine who you are, the lessons you have gained from it will make you stronger and wiser. Yes, there is a lot of bias, but if you have earned the respect of those who are closest to you, that is what's most important.

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to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: My 25-year-old daughter, "Beth," still carries around the teddy bear and baby blanket she's had since she was a child. Out they come whenever she travels on vacation or visits relatives. She even took them with her when she went away to college. I often wondered what her boyfriends thought.

I don't want to hurt my daughter's feelings, Abby, but I think it represents her refusal to grow up. After seven years of college, Beth still lives with me and has only a part-time job. What is your take on this? -- BEARING IT ALL IN BALTIMORE

DEAR BEARING IT ALL: The bear and the blanket give her a feeling of security. Counseling could help her understand why she needs those tangible symbols. If she's not getting what she wants out of life, you would be doing Beth a favor to encourage her to get it.

DEAR ABBY: Your advice to "Willing to Trust Again in Tulsa" was right on. Several years ago, I was known for picking "loser" boyfriends. "Sam" hit me daily. "Gene" was married, unwilling to divorce his wife, from whom he had been separated for seven years, and broke, broke, broke! He begged me to loan him $70,000 to get out of debt. Fortunately, I was smarter than that, and never wasted a dime on him -- just five years of my life.

After that, I decided I needed to take a break from men and "find myself." I sought therapy and learned why I was choosing losers. Even more important, I learned how to never feel lonely, even though I lived alone. I am an attractive woman, 37 years old, who is unattached by choice. I love men, and if the right one comes along, I'm sure I'll commit. However, for now, it's nice to be able to take off on a trip at a moment's notice, spend my own money on what I please, and do basically anything I want because I have no one to whom I must account.

"Willing" needs to learn to love herself first before she and "the right kind of man" can enter into a loving, healthy relationship. -- HAPPILY UNATTACHED IN HOUSTON

DEAR HAPPILY UNATTACHED: Thank you for sharing your success story. You went from choosing losers to being a winner. For people who cannot afford therapy, taking a break, stepping back from a destructive situation and analyzing one's mistakes can be very helpful. That's the way people learn.

DEAR ABBY: The three-question self-test you advised readers to give themselves before spreading rumor or gossip is reminiscent of Rotary International's Four-Way Test of the things we think, say or do:

(1) Is it the truth?

(2) Is it fair to all concerned?

(3) Will it build good will and better friendships?

(4) Will it be beneficial to all concerned?

Asking ourselves these questions before we inflict verbal venom on our brothers and sisters makes us better and more fair-minded human beings. -- BRUCE FRASSINELLI, OSWEGO, N.Y.

DEAR BRUCE: I agree. And in this time of political divisiveness and turmoil -- with mud-slinging, labeling and name calling being done both nationally and locally -- Rotary's Self-Test should be applied before anyone in the public arena opens his (or her) mouth.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Each year in the United States, influenza kills 36,000 people and hospitalizes 110,000 more. Influenza's impact could be greatly reduced if your readers would put "schedule flu vaccination" on their to-do lists today.

The vaccine is extremely effective. Despite this, many people for whom flu vaccine is recommended fail to get immunized. Some presumptions that keep people from being vaccinated:

MYTH 1: The flu shot can give you the flu.

FACT: The influenza shot cannot give you the flu. The injectable vaccine is made from "killed" influenza virus.

MYTH 2: If you don't get the vaccine in October or November, it's too late.

FACT: Although it's best to be vaccinated in October or November for maximum protection throughout the flu season, people who are immunized in December, January and February are protected.

MYTH 3: Only people 65 and older need the influenza vaccine.

FACT: Flu vaccine is recommended for everyone age 50 and older. But ANYONE 6 months or older can benefit from it. It's hard to believe, but children 24 months and younger are hospitalized with flu complications at the same rate as people 65 and older.

The following are some of the people for whom influenza vaccine is recommended in the United States:

(1) People 50 and older.

(2) Anyone 6 months and older who has medical problems such as heart or lung disease (including asthma), diabetes, kidney disease or a weak immune system.

(3) Women who will be 14 or more weeks pregnant between December and March, which is flu season.

(4) Health-care workers.

(5) Caregivers who work with or live with people with the problems listed above.

(6) Anyone who wants to avoid the risk of spreading the flu (and its possible complications) to a loved one or friend. Flu vaccine protects not only you, but also the people you care about.

A nasal spray form of influenza vaccine is newly licensed in the U.S. this year. For more information about it, your readers should consult their health-care professionals. -- DEBORAH WEXLER, M.D., EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, IMMUNIZATION ACTION COALITION

DEAR DR. WEXLER: Thank you for your timely reminder. From personal experience, I can say that neither I nor my husband has contracted the flu since we began getting flu shots. Other excellent candidates who should consider being immunized include police and fire personnel, teachers, bus drivers, and people who come in contact with the public.

Readers, if you have questions about influenza vaccine, or any other vaccine, you can find reliable information by calling the National Immunization Information Hotline: (800) 232-2522, or visit the Web site: www.vaccineinformation.org.

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