DEAR ABBY: My 25-year-old daughter, "Beth," still carries around the teddy bear and baby blanket she's had since she was a child. Out they come whenever she travels on vacation or visits relatives. She even took them with her when she went away to college. I often wondered what her boyfriends thought.

I don't want to hurt my daughter's feelings, Abby, but I think it represents her refusal to grow up. After seven years of college, Beth still lives with me and has only a part-time job. What is your take on this? -- BEARING IT ALL IN BALTIMORE

DEAR BEARING IT ALL: The bear and the blanket give her a feeling of security. Counseling could help her understand why she needs those tangible symbols. If she's not getting what she wants out of life, you would be doing Beth a favor to encourage her to get it.

DEAR ABBY: Your advice to "Willing to Trust Again in Tulsa" was right on. Several years ago, I was known for picking "loser" boyfriends. "Sam" hit me daily. "Gene" was married, unwilling to divorce his wife, from whom he had been separated for seven years, and broke, broke, broke! He begged me to loan him $70,000 to get out of debt. Fortunately, I was smarter than that, and never wasted a dime on him -- just five years of my life.

After that, I decided I needed to take a break from men and "find myself." I sought therapy and learned why I was choosing losers. Even more important, I learned how to never feel lonely, even though I lived alone. I am an attractive woman, 37 years old, who is unattached by choice. I love men, and if the right one comes along, I'm sure I'll commit. However, for now, it's nice to be able to take off on a trip at a moment's notice, spend my own money on what I please, and do basically anything I want because I have no one to whom I must account.

"Willing" needs to learn to love herself first before she and "the right kind of man" can enter into a loving, healthy relationship. -- HAPPILY UNATTACHED IN HOUSTON

DEAR HAPPILY UNATTACHED: Thank you for sharing your success story. You went from choosing losers to being a winner. For people who cannot afford therapy, taking a break, stepping back from a destructive situation and analyzing one's mistakes can be very helpful. That's the way people learn.

DEAR ABBY: The three-question self-test you advised readers to give themselves before spreading rumor or gossip is reminiscent of Rotary International's Four-Way Test of the things we think, say or do:

(1) Is it the truth?

(2) Is it fair to all concerned?

(3) Will it build good will and better friendships?

(4) Will it be beneficial to all concerned?

Asking ourselves these questions before we inflict verbal venom on our brothers and sisters makes us better and more fair-minded human beings. -- BRUCE FRASSINELLI, OSWEGO, N.Y.

DEAR BRUCE: I agree. And in this time of political divisiveness and turmoil -- with mud-slinging, labeling and name calling being done both nationally and locally -- Rotary's Self-Test should be applied before anyone in the public arena opens his (or her) mouth.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Each year in the United States, influenza kills 36,000 people and hospitalizes 110,000 more. Influenza's impact could be greatly reduced if your readers would put "schedule flu vaccination" on their to-do lists today.

The vaccine is extremely effective. Despite this, many people for whom flu vaccine is recommended fail to get immunized. Some presumptions that keep people from being vaccinated:

MYTH 1: The flu shot can give you the flu.

FACT: The influenza shot cannot give you the flu. The injectable vaccine is made from "killed" influenza virus.

MYTH 2: If you don't get the vaccine in October or November, it's too late.

FACT: Although it's best to be vaccinated in October or November for maximum protection throughout the flu season, people who are immunized in December, January and February are protected.

MYTH 3: Only people 65 and older need the influenza vaccine.

FACT: Flu vaccine is recommended for everyone age 50 and older. But ANYONE 6 months or older can benefit from it. It's hard to believe, but children 24 months and younger are hospitalized with flu complications at the same rate as people 65 and older.

The following are some of the people for whom influenza vaccine is recommended in the United States:

(1) People 50 and older.

(2) Anyone 6 months and older who has medical problems such as heart or lung disease (including asthma), diabetes, kidney disease or a weak immune system.

(3) Women who will be 14 or more weeks pregnant between December and March, which is flu season.

(4) Health-care workers.

(5) Caregivers who work with or live with people with the problems listed above.

(6) Anyone who wants to avoid the risk of spreading the flu (and its possible complications) to a loved one or friend. Flu vaccine protects not only you, but also the people you care about.

A nasal spray form of influenza vaccine is newly licensed in the U.S. this year. For more information about it, your readers should consult their health-care professionals. -- DEBORAH WEXLER, M.D., EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR, IMMUNIZATION ACTION COALITION

DEAR DR. WEXLER: Thank you for your timely reminder. From personal experience, I can say that neither I nor my husband has contracted the flu since we began getting flu shots. Other excellent candidates who should consider being immunized include police and fire personnel, teachers, bus drivers, and people who come in contact with the public.

Readers, if you have questions about influenza vaccine, or any other vaccine, you can find reliable information by calling the National Immunization Information Hotline: (800) 232-2522, or visit the Web site: www.vaccineinformation.org.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 13 years old and people say I'm cute. I have many girlfriends and a 4.0 GPA. I excel in sports and had the lead in the spring musical. So why do all my friends have boys coming up to them to talk -- and I don't? Every time I talk to boys, they act like they can't wait to get away from me. When I say, "Hi," they don't answer.

I've asked my best friends about this. They say I am "too smart," and it makes boys feel uncomfortable. I love school, and I confess I like doing my research projects on the night they are assigned, even though we're given two weeks to complete them.

At a slumber party a few nights ago, we played a game where we all predicted where we would be in 20 years. My friends told me I wouldn't be married. I would be a rocket scientist instead.

Should I concentrate less on school assignments and work on my social skills with boys? -- A GIRL WITH ONLY GIRLFRIENDS

DEAR GIRL: Absolutely not. You are the girl who has everything -- looks, brains, talent and coordination. The boys in your age group are behind you in their social development. Please be patient. Do not "dumb down" for anyone. In a year or two, those boys will not only catch up to you, but they'll be beating down your door -- and that will open up a whole new set of "problems." Trust me.

DEAR ABBY: I will be 79 in a few weeks and recently received notice of my 60th high school reunion. I was an outstanding beauty when I was 18, but now I have thinning hair and gravity has taken its toll on me.

I grew up in a small town outside of Boston and was one of a class of 160 students. I was extremely promiscuous back then. I slept with more than two-thirds of the boys in my class -- and everyone knew it.

My problem is, my wonderful "steady man" insists that we go to the reunion. He has been my generous provider for many years and I don't want to argue. I hate seeing my classmates with my "old face," and hope nobody will make unkind comments about my past.

What should I do? -- FORMER BELLE OF THE BALL

DEAR FORMER BELLE: Put on a happy face and attend the reunion. Time waits for no man -- or woman -- and that includes your former classmates. Please don't be self-conscious about your appearance or your past. After 60 years, everyone will probably be more than willing to let bygones be bygones.

DEAR ABBY: "Not a Princess in Pasadena" asked what to do for her friend who isn't as financially well off as she is. You missed a great opportunity to recommend volunteering.

The girls could become candy stripers in a hospital, read to the elderly at a nursing home, run errands for shut-ins -- all sorts of things. Assuming they do a good job, they will get good references for jobs or higher education. Those teens should contact the nearest hospital, nursing home, social service agency or church, and inquire about what volunteer programs are available for teen-agers. If there aren't any, they might consider organizing a few friends and creating one.

They would really enjoy it, and it wouldn't cost either of them a penny. My two kids did exactly that and loved it! -- NANCY HABLUTZEL, PH.D., J.D., CHICAGO

DEAR NANCY: What a terrific suggestion. There is always a need to be filled if people look for it. Even a few hours a week can make a big difference in someone's life.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)