DEAR ABBY: I am a postal carrier. Today I left warnings in the mailboxes of six houses on my route because I found spiders inside. Three of the spiders were black widows. I know because I saw the red hourglass markings on them before they scurried to the back of the box.

Spiders love mailboxes. They nest and lay eggs there. I don't necessarily have to reach inside the boxes to deliver mail, but my customers always do in order to retrieve it.

People usually remember to spray their yards and garages for insects, but they tend to overlook the one place where they directly place their hands and arms.

Please warn your readers to take a minute to spray in, around and underneath their mailboxes -- especially if they see a cobweb. It could prevent suffering a poisonous bite or an allergic reaction, which, in some cases, could prove to be fatal. -- A LAS VEGAS MAIL CARRIER

DEAR MAIL CARRIER: Thank you for an important warning. I know Las Vegas is the gambling capital of the world, but no one should have to gamble when collecting the mail.

DEAR ABBY: My ex-wife and I divorced after 29 years. Both of us made a mess of our marriage. Three years of marriage counseling couldn't undo the infidelity and multiple personal problems we had accumulated. There is still a deep reservoir of hurt and anger over those years, but both of us have moved on with other relationships.

The problem is for the past 16 years, my daughter, "Lili," has lived with her mother, who apparently filled her head with all of my transgressions. Lili refuses to have anything to do with me. Nothing I did was any worse than what her mother did -- but, of course, Lili wasn't hearing that side of the story.

My sons and I get along well. They seem to understand that neither of their parents was an angel. They accept my ex and me, warts and all. Even though we live 3,000 miles apart, I send my daughter birthday cards, gifts for her birthday, Christmas and Valentine's Day, etc. She ignores me -- and the silence hurts.

I don't deserve this kind of treatment. Should I continue trying to reach out to her? Or should I just forget I have a daughter? Sixteen years of a one-way relationship is heartbreaking. -- IMPERFECT POP IN PHILADELPHIA

DEAR POP: By not acknowledging your conciliatory gestures, your daughter is sending you a message. Accept it. I agree, 16 years of rejection is enough. Perhaps one day your daughter will get the full story from her brothers and come to understand the multiple reasons why you and your wife divorced. In the meantime, please don't set yourself up to be hurt again and again.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for 30 years. My wife and I have not had sex for the past 20 of them. We have no children.

My wife does like undressing in front of me, but then she quickly covers herself. We are always friendly -- very friendly -- to each other. At night we sleep in the same bed, but we do not mention sex, and have not mentioned it for 20 years. Can you give me some advice? -- READER IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR READER: Only this: Mention sex! Since you are on friendly terms, you are long overdue for a frank discussion regarding both of your feelings on this important subject. Perhaps she has been waiting for you to bring it up.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband has been in the Army for eight years and has never had the opportunity to serve overseas. His unit is now at the top of Uncle Sam's list for overseas deployment, and I am scared to death. He was recently offered a full-time position with the Air Force, where he would be stateside until he retires.

We have three children under the age of 3. I know that more than anything my children and I need him around. He refuses to even consider the offer and can't wait to go into combat and leave us behind. This has caused many arguments during the past few months, but he still won't budge.

As a soldier's wife, I know there are sacrifices to be made, but am I selfish to want him to stay here at home where it's safe? -- SOLDIER'S WIFE IN COLORADO

DEAR SOLDIER'S WIFE: Selfish? No. Human, yes. However, your husband is career military -- and the possibility of combat is a reality that goes along with it. It will take courage and resiliency on your part, but you will not face the separation -- or the risk -- alone. The families of everyone in your husband's unit, not to mention those already deployed, experience the same separation anxiety. I hope you all can emotionally support each other. There is strength in numbers.

DEAR ABBY: As my mother lay dying, one of her female friends asked her what she intended to do with her condo "when the time came." Mother was dumbfounded, but politely responded that she did not know -- she would leave those details up to her three adult children.

Mother passed away two months ago. This same "friend" sent our family a sympathy card. Inside she wrote: "What do you plan to do with the unit in Orlando? We have friends who would like to buy it. Let us know ASAP and we'll put them in touch with you."

Abby, how would you respond to this? -- APPALLED IN FLORIDA

DEAR APPALLED: This "friend" has set a new record for tactlessness and insensitivity.

How would I respond? If I wanted to sell the condo, I'd notify a Realtor and have him or her contact this friend. Alternatively, if I wanted to retain the condo, I'd ignore that "sympathy" card.

DEAR ABBY: I am a senior in high school and I'm worried about my best friend, "Holly." She's started hanging with some raunchy guys who get into all sorts of trouble. Holly insists that she "connects" with them on many levels. It's a well-known fact that the guy she's now dating carries a gun.

I've tried to tell Holly how scared I am for her and that she could do better, but she refuses to listen. Should I continue to be her friend in spite of all these dangerous circumstances? -- WORRIED AND CONFUSED

DEAR WORRIED AND CONFUSED: It is time to start backing off. Whether she realizes it or not, Holly is headed for serious trouble -- and you must not get caught in the crossfire, literally or figuratively.

Tell your parents what's going on right away. With luck, they'll inform her parents, and if this is happening on school grounds, the principal and the police should also be notified.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Last year, my 28-year-old, college-educated daughter, "Emma," married "Manny," a wonderful young man. The problem is, her brother (my son "Bruce") hates Manny because he is from a foreign country and not as well-educated as Emma. He feels Emma is wasting her life married to him.

Emma has told me she dated a lot of "well-educated jerks" and feels lucky to have found a wonderful, caring, loving, hard-working man who adores her. She doesn't care that she makes more money than Manny.

I am filled with resentment that Bruce and his family have cut themselves off. Emma and Manny are not welcome at Bruce's home for holiday dinners or family get-togethers. This has hurt my daughter terribly.

Bruce still wants to have a relationship with me, but I am so angry that it's difficult to be civil to him. My son is rigid and judgmental, and it is impossible to reason with him. I don't believe he will ever accept Manny into our family. Any advice? -- ANGRY MOM IN TULSA

DEAR ANGRY MOM: It appears you have raised a son who has the bigotry of Archie Bunker, but with none of the humor or charm.

Bruce cannot banish Emma and Manny from the family unless you and the rest of the family cooperate. My advice is to arrange alternative sites for family gatherings at holiday time and extend an invitation to Bruce and his little family. If they choose not to include themselves, it's THEIR problem. Don't make it yours.

DEAR ABBY: I am 16 and have never had a boyfriend or any romantic experience. Lately, a boy I met in summer school (I'll call him James) has shown some interest.

James has started calling me, and I think he might ask me out. I haven't really gotten to know him yet, but most of my friends think he's a loser because he's not particularly good-looking.

As much as I care about what my friends think, I want to give James a chance. Should I? -- MIXED-UP IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR MIXED-UP: Absolutely! But only if you are prepared to defend your choice and not allow your friends to make such a personal decision for you.

DEAR ABBY: I am in my mid-70s and was diagnosed with Alzheimer's a year ago. I am doing well so far and very few people have been told about my illness. Only my children and a few close friends know.

I just learned that my daughter informed my husband's family of my diagnosis when she wrote them a note in her Christmas card. We are not close to his family. They have never bothered to call, write, attend weddings or our 50th anniversary celebration, even though we have continued to invite them.

Abby, I can't understand why my daughter felt the need to tell. She hardly knows them. I feel betrayed. I wish they did not know. Please help me. -- ANGRY AND HURT IN IOWA

DEAR ANGRY AND HURT: Your daughter was wrong to disclose that personal information without first discussing it with you. Your daughter may have been reaching out for support for herself and for you. Please forgive her.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)