DEAR ABBY: My common-law husband, "Rudy," my daughter and I are very happy and live an average life. However, like all families, we experience financial pressures from time to time. To supplement our income, Rudy has decided to make and sell a "popular" drug. He says this will be a "one-time thing." I'm afraid it won't be, and if he makes a huge profit, he'll want to continue.

Rudy is a good man. He wants badly to provide for his family. We both work hard at our full-time jobs during the day -- and we don't do drugs. This is like a new world to me and I'm scared. Rudy knows I don't approve. He thinks he did the right thing by telling me about this beforehand instead of doing it behind my back. We tell each other everything, but that doesn't make it OK.

What should I do? -- AFRAID IN CALGARY, CANADA

DEAR AFRAID: What Rudy plans to do is illegal, and because you know about it, you are an accessory. I don't know how old your daughter is or what kind of drug Rudy is manufacturing, but it cannot be physically or emotionally healthy for her to be around this.

If you think you are having financial pressures now, they'll seem like a walk in the park if you and Rudy are both doing time in prison. Draw the line -- and do it NOW!

DEAR ABBY: I am a 56-year-old grandmother who has been married to "Albert" -- my high school sweetheart -- for almost 35 years. Yesterday, Albert e-mailed me some information about a wife-swapping club that meets in our neighborhood. I am beside myself!

Albert is the only man I've ever been with in my entire life, and to learn that he wants to swap me for another woman is devastating.

I have since checked the "history" on my husband's computer, and I have learned that he has spent hours on the Internet researching this topic.

Last week, we made love three days in a row. It pleased me no end -- until I realized what inspired it. Prior to that, Albert and I have never had sex more than once a week in all the years we've been together.

Please help me, Abby. I am ready to pack my bags and leave. Just knowing that he's serious about wife-swapping makes me sick to my stomach. -- DISILLUSIONED IN THE CAROLINAS

DEAR DISILLUSIONED: Under no circumstances should you allow yourself to be coerced into anything that you feel is immoral. (And spouse-swapping qualifies for that category.)

I don't blame you for being upset, but don't pack your bags yet and don't panic. You and Albert have some serious talking to do, and the sooner the better -- preferably in the presence of a marriage counselor. Albert's craving for variety should be discussed in an environment that is emotionally supportive for both of you. Some couples achieve this through playing out their fantasies together. (Have you seen the yogurt commercial where the wife is dressed up like a French maid?) Good luck ... and please let me know how you resolve this.

DEAR ABBY: I am 8 years old and one of my best friends drowned last year. She was only 7. If she had worn a life vest, she wouldn't have died. Please tell parents that if their kids aren't good swimmers, they should wear a life vest. -- MISSING MY FRIEND IN MARYLAND

DEAR MISSING MY FRIEND: Please accept my sympathy for the loss of your friend. That's an excellent reminder. Now for one of my own: Children and adults should never swim alone.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I was recently asked to be a "hostess" in a wedding. When I asked the bride what exactly my duties would be, she said I would pass out programs and make sure that all the wedding guests signed the guestbook. The bride also requested that I buy a $200 matching bridesmaid dress -- which I did. With hotel and travel, the weekend cost me more than $1,000.

On the morning of the wedding, I was immediately put to work assembling plastic champagne flutes and placing favors and name cards on tables, etc. While I was doing this, the wedding party was having their pictures taken. I was not invited to be in a single photo. I also missed the entire wedding ceremony because I was assigned the job of arranging flowers in the reception hall. I was the only member of the wedding party who was expected to work in this manner.

At the reception, I was instructed to escort the bride and groom and the others to their tables. It was a task I found insulting. I was also asked, via a typed "task list" handed to me by the bride's aunt, to pour cider for the 300 guests. I was so upset, I left the reception before any cider pouring.

Do you think the bride was out of line -- or am I out of tune with what is expected of a "hostess"? (I have rescinded my invitation for her to be a member of my wedding. Too rash?) -- FEELING USED IN STOW, OHIO

DEAR FEELING USED: I don't blame you for feeling used. You were treated shamefully. You were a victim of "bait and switch." Your duties should have ended when the ceremony began. Instead, you paid $1,000 to be treated like a caterer.

I don't blame you for not wanting to be reminded of this incident at the time of your own wedding. So don't second-guess yourself about your decision to uninvite this "blushing bride."

DEAR ABBY: I am a happy-go-lucky 15-year-old girl. My parents have a good marriage, and for the most part we enjoy a great home life. I'm an only child. My problem is my dad. He insists that I go on a diet, and until I do, he won't let me participate in my favorite activity in the world -- ice skating.

I am 5 feet 3 inches tall and weigh 135 pounds. I don't feel or look overweight, and I am not an overeater. I don't understand my dad's reasoning. It seems to me that exercise is the one thing I need most, and maybe to eat less of those carbs I love.

At the same time, I want to be a normal teen who can occasionally enjoy a sundae or banana split when I'm with friends. I don't want to have to worry about what to tell Dad when he asks me what I ate -- which he always does.

Abby, I need to know how to handle this so I can please my dad and still have fun with my friends. Sign me ... NOT CHUBBY IN LOGAN, UTAH

DEAR NOT CHUBBY: I don't know what has caused your father to fixate on your weight, but before this power struggle goes any further, both of you should schedule an appointment with your pediatrician to discuss the importance of a balanced diet AND healthy exercise. Please don't wait. Clip this column and show it to your dad.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a young girl with a problem. My dad beats me and sexually abuses me. When I lock myself in my bedroom, he says he's going to change the doorknob so it doesn't lock. I can't tell anybody because I am ashamed of what they will think. What can I do? Help! -- ASHAMED IN OHIO

DEAR ASHAMED: You have nothing to be ashamed of. When a young person is physically and sexually abused, it is never the victim's fault. It is urgent that you tell a trusted adult what is going on.

If you don't know anyone you feel you can trust to help you, pick up the phone and call Childhelp USA. The hotline number is (800) 422-4453. Tell the counselor what you have written to me, and that I told you to call. He or she WILL help you. Your call will be kept strictly confidential.

Please let me hear from you again. You are in my prayers.

DEAR ABBY: When I recently visited a longtime friend who had moved out of state, she refused to let me take her picture. She said it was because she had put on weight and was self-conscious about it.

I love her no matter what, and I thought she was overreacting. I just wanted some pictures for my photo album. I managed to sneak a few shots of her when I thought she wasn't aware. (I figured she would eventually change her mind and thank me.)

After I returned from the visit, I noticed a couple of rolls of my film were missing from my suitcase. I suspect she confiscated the rolls behind my back. I want to confront her, but my husband says I should leave it alone. What do you think? -- PICTURE-PERFECT IN POTTSTOWN, PA.

DEAR PICTURE-PERFECT: Why are you offended that she did something behind your back, after what you did behind hers? I agree with your husband. Leave it alone. Two negatives don't make a positive.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Howie," and I were married right out of college. We are now 27. When we were dating, we shared our life goals. Howie planned on going to medical school. I aspired to (and did pursue) a career in interior design so that when we had children I could work from home.

It's now five years later. Howie has taken the MCATs (medical college admission tests) but scores poorly because he never takes the time to study or take the preparatory classes. I'm frustrated, because he seems to want a different career every three months. He has talked about becoming a college professor and a biologist. But it is all talk and no action. I'm beginning to wonder if we'll ever be financially secure enough to start a family.

A couple of months ago, Howie told me he was going to become a paramedic. Last week he dropped another bomb -- he wants to join the Army. I think it's a mistake for anyone as indecisive as my husband to join the military because he won't be able to back out when he changes his mind in three months. He claims he has "always" wanted to serve his country, but this is the first I've heard of it in the seven years I have known him. I wish Howie had told me this was his life goal when we were dating.

My friends tell me I should tell my husband to grow up and accept his responsibilities. I love him, but I want to get off this emotional roller-coaster. I haven't slept well in months, and we rarely speak without an argument erupting. What should I do now? -- FEEL LIKE A YO-YO IN COLORADO

DEAR YO-YO: Your husband is floundering. He needs you right now, so calm down.

Ask your husband to promise you that before he joins the military or pursues any other "career moves," he will consult his doctor and arrange to be tested for adult attention deficit disorder. That may be the reason he is unable to focus long enough to choose a career and stay on the path to attain it.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)