DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-year-old college student. Last summer, I met "Irwin," a friend of my brother's. Irwin and I became good friends, and over time, I came to deeply respect and care for him. A few months ago, Irwin left to intern at a senator's office. He's finishing his senior year there.

As we were saying goodbye, he hugged and kissed me on the cheek, muttered something under his breath, then proceeded to kiss me gently on the lips. Irwin and I are both shy, and I don't know what to make of the kiss.

Could he possibly care for me, too? I don't know if kissing a friend on the lips is considered a "friendly gesture," or if it means something more romantic. I'm relying on your advice, Abby, so I'll know what to do when Irwin returns home. -- IT STARTED WITH A KISS IN KENTUCKY

DEAR IT STARTED WITH A KISS: It would be helpful if you could remember what Irwin muttered under his breath. When he comes marching home again, greet him with a kiss. Shyness can be overcome, and I think you've hooked a live one.

DEAR ABBY: I need your opinion. I'm 40, married 17 years, and have two young children. My husband has never been romantic -- no hugs, kisses, flowers or gifts. Once I asked him to just bring me a flower from our garden. Still nothing. He knows how much a little show of affection would mean to me. We've had many discussions about it, and I always end up in tears.

Well, I've met someone. He gives me hugs and small, thoughtful gifts, and he's willing to sit and talk to me for hours. This man makes me feel special, attractive and happy. I've had opportunities like this before, but I always held back because of my marriage. No more. I'm lonely and need to feel loved as much as I need air. Where do I go from here, Abby? -- CRAVING ATTENTION, NO CITY, NO STATE

DEAR CRAVING: You have a right to be happy, but having an affair is not the way to accomplish it. Stop the affair and offer your husband the option of counseling. If he refuses to go, go without him. Right now you are like a flower in the desert. Counseling will help you to decide rationally if you are better off with or without your spouse.

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship with "Chuck" for eight years. We have lived together for seven.

Chuck and I haven't been physically intimate for more than five years. He long ago stopped saying those sweet "I love yous" every woman wants to hear.

I suspect that he doesn't love me anymore, and that he's having an affair with his ex-wife. I'm a good cook and I've always taken good care of him when he gets sick. I think that Chuck is living with me out of convenience.

What do you think I should do? Please don't tell me to leave him, because I haven't got the courage. -- STUCK AND UNHAPPY

DEAR STUCK AND UNHAPPY: Gather your courage, count to 10, and chuck Chuck. I guarantee that once you take the step, you'll experience enormous relief. I wouldn't wish anyone I cared about the life you are living now. You are a giver. You deserve to be happy and cherished, and you shouldn't settle for anything less.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were married several weeks ago in a beautiful, reverent, Christian ceremony. Our reception, held in an upscale restaurant, was designed to be both fun and tasteful. Everything from the dance music to the cake-cutting was planned to represent the love and respect we had for each other on our first day of wedded life.

That spirit was shattered by "Simone," my husband's brother's girlfriend. She took over our reception. Her shrill voice screamed at least 50 times for my husband and me to kiss and smear cake in each other's faces. She drank champagne straight from the bottle. She showed our guests X-rated photographs of her unmarried daughter's natural childbirth. She performed a "striptease" by whipping her skirt over her head and gyrating against other guests in a practically nonexistent thong. We didn't realize the extent of her misbehavior until we returned from our honeymoon and saw the video. The expression on the faces of our guests is horrified, and she dominates every scene.

Simone will no doubt be a permanent fixture in my husband's family. I do not want to cause a rift, but that vulgar woman ruined my wedding. I don't know how I'll control my feelings the next time Simone and I are thrown together. How would you handle this? -- MORTIFIED BRIDE IN NEW YORK

DEAR MORTIFIED BRIDE: I'd keep uppermost in mind that Simone may have a drinking problem that causes her lapses in judgment once she's had a few. I'd say this plainly to your new brother-in-law as I handed him a copy of the video. Sometimes a picture is worth a thousand words. And this is one of them.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 23-year-old single working woman, and I'm in love with an older married man in my office. This has gone on for about two years.

I have never acted on my feelings, and I never would. I wouldn't do anything to jeopardize his marriage and have never told him how I feel. However, a little incident recently made it pretty clear he feels the same way I do.

No, it's not what you're thinking. We simply shared a "moment" (corny as it sounds). It was like in the movies when the music soars, the man and woman suddenly lock eyes and slowly move in for "the kiss." In fact, that's exactly what happened -- but I pulled away.

I don't know why I hesitated. I have fantasized about that moment for the longest time. But when it finally happened, I couldn't go through with it.

Now when I see him, I ache inside. It's a different kind of pain than anything I've ever experienced. I desperately need your help. I'm not even sure what I'm asking. I'm afraid if I'm ever again in a position to kiss him, I might just do it, and I'm afraid of where it would lead. Any advice? -- ACHING AND ANXIOUS IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR ACHING AND ANXIOUS: You appear to be a sensible and honorable woman. You and I both know you and this man are swimming in dangerous waters. The wisest thing you can do is to remove yourself from any situation that could tempt you both and cause future pain, embarrassment or regret. If that means a change of employment, so be it.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a woman in my late 20s. I declared bankruptcy last year. What led to this decision wasn't so much irresponsibility as it was circumstances beyond my control.

A few months ago, I met a wonderful man I'll call Andrew. We've grown attracted to each other. Andrew has begun talking about seeing me on an exclusive basis. I am extremely nervous about the prospect, primarily because Andrew is a financial adviser. Up until now, I saw no reason to divulge my bankruptcy. However, if we are beginning a long-term relationship, what's the best way to go about it?

I don't want him to feel I've been hiding something all this time, and I don't want him to think I'm using him for his financial expertise. I'm quite independent, have a stable job that I love and am now managing on my own. Any ideas? -- "INVESTING 101" IN WASHINGTON, D.C.

DEAR INVESTING: Say it this way: "Andrew, there is something I need to tell you. It's something I'm not proud of, so I have been hesitant to disclose it to anyone. Last year I had to file bankruptcy, and this is why." Then explain the situation.

Tell him how special you think he is and that you are getting back on your feet without any outside assistance. His response will give you an indication of the depth of his feelings for you.

DEAR ABBY: I am confused. I have been through four bad marriages and wound up in domestic abuse shelters because all my husbands verbally and physically attacked me.

Six months ago, I met "Mike," and we moved in together. He is very kind, gentle and loving most of the time, but sometimes Mike gets into these moods and makes me feel awful. He'll compare me to his former girlfriends and say I can't do anything right. He also makes fun of the fact that I am seeing a psychiatrist, a therapist and taking medication. He says it proves that I am crazy!

Mike won't get help for himself even though I know he needs it, so I have started sneaking antidepressants in with his daily vitamins. It has made some difference in his mood. I know I shouldn't do it, but I am desperate. Any advice? -- LOOKING FOR TRUE LOVE IN ALABAMA

DEAR LOOKING: Yes. Admit you have drawn five losing cards in a row, and drop out of the romance game for a while. Discuss with your therapist why you are repeatedly attracted to men who are not good for you. And get out now before the abuse escalates again.

Depression is not the problem with abusive people. Abusers use abuse as a method to control their partners.

P.S. It is dangerous to give medications -- particularly mood-altering drugs -- to people for whom they have not been prescribed. Please call a halt to it now.

DEAR ABBY: Last Sunday, my husband and I attended church in a city where we had lived before our retirement. As we left the chapel, I had a physically painful experience that has happened many times before -- and I hope you'll spread the message.

When anyone shakes hands with an elderly person, PLEASE DO SO GENTLY. Many of us have arthritic hands, and a powerful handshake can be excruciating. I appreciated a strong handshake when I was young, but now it can be torture. Thanks, Abby. -- SENIOR IN SOUTH PASADENA, CALIF.

DEAR SENIOR: A handshake should be firm without being a bone-crusher. Younger people can also have arthritic hands. I'm pleased you wrote to air your complaint. It's a valid one. A word to the wise ...

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)