DEAR ABBY: I am a beautiful woman in my early 30s. My husband, "Brad," is a handsome man in his late 20s. We both dress stylishly, exercise regularly and eat healthy food. We turn heads when we walk into the room. We have been married for nearly five years and are devoted to each other. We prosper in all areas except in the bedroom.

Brad seems to have no interest in sex at all. None. Zip! Our honeymoon was nothing short of amazing. We waited until after our wedding to consummate our union. Now we make love about every six weeks, if that. This is not enough for me. I gently told him that I "need more," and asked, "Is it me?" Brad says it's not me and that he feels guilty. He apologized for hurting my feelings and blames his lack of interest on being "tired." (Brad does not work long hours.)

I have tried clearing our social calendar and doing all the household chores. I suggested he go to sleep earlier in the evening and take naps whenever he needs to. I have even tried being assertive in my Victoria's Secret lingerie. Nothing has worked. Help! -- GOING WITHOUT IN THE SOUTHWEST

DEAR GOING WITHOUT: This is a question that needs to be honestly explored both separately and together. The first step is to schedule an appointment for both of you with your physician.

Not all men have raging sex drives. Your husband may need his testosterone levels checked, or he may suffer from performance anxiety -- or have other issues. Your problem will not be resolved until you are both able to pinpoint exactly what the problem is. Please don't wait any longer.

DEAR ABBY: Four years ago, I hired a woman to help me with household chores I could no longer handle. (I am 83 and in poor health.) "Nelly" came for two hours every other week and was a great help. She started out at $10 an hour, and last year she requested her hourly rate be raised to $12.50. I obliged.

During Nelly's visits, I learned about her family: a "macho" husband who showed her little respect; a daughter with a jailbird boyfriend and a pack of kids; and several brothers who cheated her out of her inheritance from her parents.

I liked Nelly and I felt sorry enough for her to consider leaving her a bequest in my will. It was my way of saying thank you beyond what I paid her.

A few weeks ago, I noticed some jewelry and $150 in cash were missing from my bureau. Among the missing items were two rings that had been given to me by my late husband. They were of great sentimental value to me.

No one other than Nelly and I had been in my bedroom. I suppose the temptation was too much. Finally I asked her if she'd seen the missing items. She claimed she hadn't. However, the next evening she called and said that her husband no longer wanted her to work for me because she was "needed at home."

Should I confront her and demand that my jewelry and money be returned? Nelly cleans for other folks I know, and perhaps they need to be warned. -- PUZZLED AND ANGRY IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR PUZZLED AND ANGRY: Do not confront Nelly -- and do not do anything that would spread rumors. DO call the police and report the missing items. Tell them who was in your home at the time the items went missing and let them investigate. It's their job.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 24, and after four years of dating have recently become engaged to "Zack." We are very much in love, and quite frankly, until lately I never could have imagined myself with anyone else.

Last week, one of my co-workers -- I'll call him Keith -- confessed to me that he's developed a crush on me -- and the more I think about it, the more I feel a mutual attraction. Keith has been a good friend over the years. We work out together on a regular basis in the company gym and have shared many lunches. Abby, I am confused. I find myself thinking about Keith more than my fiance.

Keith has always been easy to talk to. I wish Zack and I could have the conversations I'm able to share with Keith.

The last thing I want to do is wreck my engagement. How can I stop this confusion and once again focus on my relationship with my fiance? Help! -- S.O.S. ASAP IN THE SUNSHINE STATE

DEAR S.O.S.: Let's analyze this situation. Why did Keith wait until you were engaged to Zack before declaring his feelings? Could it be that once you were "taken" you became safe -- and not a threat to his freedom? Many men find women who are married, engaged, going steady, etc., easier to talk to and even more attractive than those who are available.

Do not allow yourself to be distracted from a relationship that has worked for four years. Limit your workouts with Keith and put your energy into developing better communication with Zack.

DEAR ABBY: For more than a year, I have been a live-in caregiver for a sweet 94-year-old lady I'll call Ethel. For the most part, Ethel has enjoyed good health. We have a lot of fun together.

Last week, when we went on our weekly outing to the beauty shop and lunch, I noticed how loud her voice was in the restaurant. She attracted the stares of several diners. Ethel has also begun chewing with her mouth open, completely unaware of how she appears.

I want to let her know that she isn't acting like the well-mannered lady she's been in the past, but I don't know how to tell her without hurting her feelings. Please give me some advice on how to broach the subject. There is only one restaurant in our small town, and Ethel dearly loves our weekly meal there. Thanks, Abby. -- EMBARRASSED IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR EMBARRASSED: Tell Ethel what you have observed about her hearing loss and schedule a visit with her doctor. She needs a referral to have her hearing checked. While you're there, mention to the doctor the change in her table manners. Any abrupt change in the behavior of a person is something his or her physician should know about.

Please don't be reticent or embarrassed. You are her caregiver, and it is your obligation to inform her physicians what you observe.

DEAR ABBY: I have a wedding etiquette question. Twice within the last month, I've been invited to a bridal shower without receiving an invitation to the wedding.

I have witnessed a social blunder or two in my day, but this takes the cake. Are you with me on this, Abby? -- DISGUSTED IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR DISGUSTED: To invite someone to a bridal shower who will not be invited to the wedding is a breach of etiquette. However, before becoming angry about it, please consider that this was ignorance on the part of the couple or the families.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: "Smiling Through the Pain," a reader who has suffered with chronic pain since childhood, offered some wonderful suggestions to other people in her predicament.

I am 13, and I want her to know her message was very inspirational to me and helped me to realize a lot. I have depression and suffer from an obsessive-compulsive disorder called trichotillomania (hair pulling). I have considered suicide and I am in therapy.

When I read that letter, I felt like "Smiling Through the Pain" was talking directly to me. It made me realize that there IS a way to bounce back from the pain I have been experiencing.

I would like to thank that person for giving me back the hope that I lost a long time ago. -- A NOT-QUITE TYPICAL TEEN IN VIRGINIA

DEAR TEEN: I'm sure the writer will be as delighted as I was to read your letter. I wish you continued success in therapy. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Like "Smiling Through the Pain," I, too, suffer from chronic pain. When my doctor told me that there were no medications at this time that would make the pain go away, I asked, "How am I going to endure this?"

She replied, "Live one day at a time. Live each day to the fullest. Laugh heartily, love deeply, pray daily -- and let the rest roll off."

I then asked, "How am I going to live with the pain?"

She said, "Surround yourself with positive things -- positive people, sunshine, rainbows, roses, puppies and kittens."

After reflecting upon what she had said, I realized that this is a great prescription for anyone's life. That doctor probably saved mine. Not only did she give my monstrous disease a name, she helped me to make my life worth living again.

I have good days and bad. I curse the bad ones and praise God for the good ones. The "good" pain comes when I have accomplished what I wanted to do that day. The "bad" pain comes when I refrain from doing what I want to do -- and hurt anyway.

Every day I get up, get dressed and have something planned to do. And, Abby, I try to perform at least one act of kindness for someone each day. Regardless of my pain, it makes each day seem fuller.

I hope you will find this letter appropriate to share with your readers. If it helps someone else who is hurting (for whatever reason), then my effort will not have been in vain. -- TRYING TO SMILE THROUGH THE PAIN, PARK HILLS, MO.

DEAR TRYING: I don't know what act of will it took for you to compose your letter, but it is certainly worth space in my column. Your doctor is a wise woman, and you are far more than a survivor. Your philosophy will help more people than you know, and on my behalf and theirs, I thank you for sharing it. I wish you continued success in your daily battle. You are an inspiration.

DEAR ABBY: I am 13 and have an older sister who ruins our family vacations. She turns everything into an argument and makes it impossible to enjoy family time together. We're going on a two-week trip soon and I don't want it to be a disaster. How can I get my sister to behave and not start World War III? -- SISTER TROUBLES IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR SISTER: You are not responsible for your sister's behavior. Don't give her the power to spoil your vacation. When she acts out, distance yourself and tune her out. It appears you are more mature at 13 than she is.

If things do not improve soon, suggest to your parents that you ALL get to family counseling. It will be an opportunity to express your feelings with a professional therapist who will listen and help to improve your family's interaction.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)