DEAR ABBY: I am a 14-year-old girl about to start my freshman year in high school. Most of my friends (including myself) have Web logs -- or "blogs."

Blogs are online diaries where we record all kinds of stuff about ourselves. Of course, we're careful not to give out personal information like where we live, etc. But some of my friends get very offended at what is written about them.

I have several friends who have stopped speaking to each other after reading not-so-nice things about themselves in the blogs. I speak from experience, because I've been repeatedly bashed for my anti-war views, among other things.

In spite of this, the Web log trend continues to be popular. What's your opinion on this? -- BLOGGIN' AND LOVIN' IT IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR BLOGGIN': The written word takes on a life of its own and never dies -- particularly in cyberspace. That is why it's important that a person carefully consider what he or she is posting before making it public. I cannot urge people strongly enough to remember that on the Internet there is no such thing as an eraser. The messages live on and on for all to see. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Allow me to give your readers a heads-up regarding a potentially embarrassing -- and possibly illegal -- situation they may encounter at their places of employment. I am talking about employees using their work computers and networks to conduct personal and private business.

As an information technology ("IT") security specialist, I can attest to the fact that almost everything an employee does on his or her work computer is monitored very closely, due to heightened security.

One of my responsibilities is to monitor e-mail that crosses the networks and investigate Web sites employees visit during the day. Believe me, I've seen it all! A few examples:

(1) Details between couples going through nasty divorces, as well as torrid love affairs. (The dialogue from even one of those messages could fuel a soap opera storyline for years!)

(2) The personal "measurements" and private "requirements" of individuals seeking a potential mate while checking out dating Web sites. (I will never look at certain employees the same way again.)

(3) The ridiculously overpriced items that people "had to have" on auction Web sites. (I could outbid individuals by a dollar each time they made a bid online and they'd never know.)

(4) How much money employees have in their checking and savings accounts, while conducting their online banking. (On more than one occasion, I knew that someone had bounced a check before he did.)

(5) Employees exploring pornographic Web sites. (You'd be amazed how many times I've had to begin an investigation into an employee because of something like this.)

Abby, IT security specialists are not nosy people. We are employed by the corporate and government worlds to ensure that highly valuable information and equipment is kept safe and secrets are not leaked. -- IT SECURITY SPECIALIST ON THE EAST COAST

DEAR SPECIALIST: I'm sure many employees in the corporate world will appreciate your wakeup call. I'll bet it spoils some fascinating conversations you "techies" have been sharing during lunch hour!

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DEAR ABBY: I have had an exclusive relationship with "Brad" for almost four years. We love each other dearly. We will soon be seniors in college and spend a lot of time together, including holidays, vacations and family functions. He is my best friend, and it's hard to imagine life without him.

Lately, however, as I think about our future more seriously, I am beginning to question whether Brad and I are right for each other. We do not see eye-to-eye on some important issues -- including politics, religion and having kids. It also concerns me that he's not as ambitious as I am when it comes to career goals and opportunities. Brad has never been one to plan very far into the future, whereas stability and security are important to me.

When I try to discuss my concerns, Brad claims I'm being hysterical and says, "Here we go again!" If I pursue it, we end up arguing and nothing gets resolved.

Should I break up with Brad now so that we can both meet other people in our senior year -- or am I being unreasonable? -- LOVESICK IN ILLINOIS

DEAR LOVESICK: Not at all. You are asking intelligent and mature questions about a decision that will affect the rest of your lives. I commend you for it.

Do not allow Brad to minimize your concerns and your differences. He needs to do some growing up before he makes a lifetime commitment to anyone -- including you. Some time apart would benefit both of you.

DEAR ABBY: I was with my boyfriend, "Marty," for six years before we had our daughter. She is now 3 years old. On Valentine's Day, Marty finally gave me an engagement ring. I couldn't have been happier -- until the other day when someone asked Marty what kind of ring it was. He said it was a "friendship ring." Can you believe this?

Abby, I am a person who believes in family values. I want my daughter to have a full-time father. I am thinking it might be time for me to leave Marty. Should I ask him if we are ever going to be married, or are we just going to continue to play house? -- NOT LAUGHING IN MARYLAND

DEAR NOT LAUGHING: There is a big difference between friendship and engagement. Of course you should ask him. But before you do, tell him why you're asking. If he can't bring himself to set a wedding date, the family YOU value will have to include someone other than Marty.

DEAR ABBY: I'm an attractive 18-year-old single female from a good family. I enjoy wonderful friendships and am about to begin my first year of college. I was wondering if you could figure out what my problem is, because nobody else can.

Whenever I like a guy, I make it clear with friendly, "interested" actions. (But believe me, I'm not too forward.)

At first, guys seem to like me, too. But then they quickly become uninterested and end up never asking me out -- or even talking to me again! This has happened sooo many times.

Please help. What am I doing wrong? -- DATELESS ON SATURDAY NIGHTS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR DATELESS: Your friendliness and "interest" may be being interpreted as needy and desperate. This is a huge turn-off for members of both sexes. Tone it down a little, and see if you get better results.

P.S. You might more closely observe what your girlfriends do.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 20-year-old male and a full-time college student. On nights and weekends I hold down two part-time jobs. One of them is delivering pizza.

One night two weeks ago, I made a delivery to a nearby motel. As I was leaving, I saw a familiar car pull into the parking lot. It was my mother's Mustang. She was driving.

I was surprised to see her there, so I turned my car around and followed her to the rear of the motel. I watched her park, get out, knock on a door and enter. After several minutes of confusion, I returned to my job.

Two hours later, after more deliveries, I returned to the motel. Sure enough, her car was still parked in the same spot. After 20 minutes or so, I watched her come out of a room with a man I recognized from her office. He's in his late 20s, and I know he has a wife and two small children. (Mother is 41, but looks younger.) I froze. I didn't confront her.

Now I don't know what to do. Every time I look at my dad I feel guilty because I haven't said anything. The news would crush him. Should I continue keeping this to myself or tell someone? -- IN SHOCK IN CHICAGO

DEAR IN SHOCK: It is unfortunate that you have been caught in the middle. The person you should talk to is your mother. Your father needs to be told, but she is the one who should do it. If her co-worker is cheating on his wife with your mother, he could also be cheating with others. In that case, your parents should both be tested for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Howard," and I are in our early 40s with two young children. I have had a problem with my father-in-law my entire marriage. He expects Howard to entertain him on weekends. As it is, they see each other Monday through Friday because they work together. My father-in-law is married, but he doesn't want to be home with his wife on weekends -- he'd rather spend time fishing or bowling with his son.

I think Howard should be with our children and me on the weekends. When I complain to him about it, Howard accuses me of nagging. This Saturday morning when I objected, Howard stalked out and said over his shoulder, "See you tonight!" It's impossible to make plans for the weekends because Howard won't agree to anything until he checks with his dad first to see if HE wants to do something.

Am I selfish to want my husband's attention for our children and me on weekends? After all, his dad already sees him far more than we do. Should I try to accept this, or tell my husband to either grow up or move in with his dad? Please help me, Abby. The tension between us is unbearable. -- DESPERATE WIFE IN TENNESSEE

DEAR DESPERATE WIFE: Your father-in-law is, and has been, a terrible role model for his son. Your husband is no longer a child; he is a grown man with responsibilities of his own that he is shirking.

Since Howard doesn't want to hear it from you, your next move should be to get some marriage counseling. If he won't go with you, take your mother-in-law and go without him. It may come to light that because of their business relationship, Howard feels he can't say no to Dad for fear of jeopardizing his financial obligations to you and the children. Whatever the reason, it needs to be brought out into the open.

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