DEAR ABBY: For the past two years, I've been dating "Victor," a guy I'd been carrying a torch for since high school. He's everything any woman would want in a man. We're both 30 and neither of us had been married before. Vic moved in with me, and we plan on being married next year. I had never been so happy.

Five months ago my world fell apart. I received a phone call from a 19-year-old girl who claimed she is two months pregnant with Vic's twins. I was seven months pregnant at the time. (I've since had a healthy baby boy.)

Vic was at work when the call came in, and when he got home I calmly questioned him about this girl and her "news." He admitted everything. He said he'd been seeing her for a year and a half. I was shocked. I thought I couldn't be more depressed -- until Vic came home last night and asked me if it would be OK if he attended birthing classes with this girl. I angrily told him to go right ahead -- then later changed my mind and flat-out refused.

Abby, I am confused and beyond hurt. Please tell me how to handle this. It's a nightmare that won't go away. Keep in mind that we're supposed to be getting married -- although I'm leaning toward calling off the wedding. -- HURTING IN NEW ORLEANS

DEAR HURTING: Unless you, your son, Vic, his girlfriend and the twins plan to be one big, happy family -- call off the wedding. Not once in your letter did you indicate that your fiance was sorry about what happened.

In the meantime, there now will be three children to support. If you're smart, you'll talk to a lawyer TODAY to assure that the child you have with Vic will receive child support. Please don't wait. This man is untrustworthy and does not appear to be ready or willing to make a lifetime commitment to you.

DEAR ABBY: When getting an annulment or divorce, what is the length of time you have to be married before you may keep the wedding gifts? -- NEEDS TO KNOW IN THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST

DEAR NEEDS TO KNOW: Cash gifts should be returned if the marriage lasted less than a year. If you have been married long enough to open and use the wedding gifts, then you should keep them. However, if they have not been used, are still in their original boxes, and the marriage didn't last more than one year, offer to return them to the givers.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 14-year-old girl with great friends. Sometimes I feel like I'm living the life of a college student. I have physical relationships with a lot of guys -- as well as my boyfriend. How can I get into a life where I feel like I'm more my age? -- ACTING OLDER IN SYRACUSE

DEAR ACTING OLDER: By recognizing that you're uncomfortable living in the fast lane, and writing to me, you have already taken the first step.

It's a misconception to think that all college students sleep around. They don't. If the teens in your circle of friends are doing it, then it's time you meet new people and channel your energy into new activities -- sports, theater, art, dance, etc.

But first, you must confide in an adult (ideally a parent) who can schedule a doctor's appointment so you can be checked for STDs and counseled about birth control.

I admire you for wanting to change what has become a destructive pattern. That is a sign of maturity.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My mother has a gambling problem. She plays bingo every night. She even took a lower-paying part-time job to devote more time to the game. She's close to retirement and has already gone through her life savings. She now lives off my deceased father's small pension.

I am the oldest of Mom's three sons. She routinely calls each of us to complain that she can't pay her bills. We give her what we can, but it has started causing problems between our spouses and us. We all work hard to support our families. Mother refuses to see how much trouble she's causing everyone.

We have tried talking to her about the gambling. She claims bingo is the only thing in life she enjoys and doesn't think she should have to give it up. What's the solution? -- STRESSED-OUT SON IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR STRESSED-OUT: As with any addiction, your mother cannot be helped unless she admits she has a problem. Under no circumstances should any of you accommodate her requests for money. Encourage her to contact Gamblers Anonymous, P.O. Box 17173, Los Angeles, CA 90017, or call (213) 386-8789. The Web site is www.gamblersanonymous.org.

An alternative would be the National Council on Problem Gambling, a nonprofit organization. It refers gamblers to qualified mental health professionals who have been trained to work with gamblers and their families. The hotline number is 1-800-522-4700; the Web site is www.ncpgambling.org.

The next time your mother asks for money, tell her only if it pays for her therapy.

DEAR ABBY: I have been living with my boyfriend, "Bobby," for almost two years. We moved in together after dating for only one month. Bobby and I love each other, and I think we belong together, but it doesn't take much for one of us to get mad at the other.

When it happens, it turns into a screaming match. On more than one occasion, one of us will pack our bags and threaten to move out. At that point, we usually stop and try to talk things out -- but nothing is ever truly resolved.

I now have an opportunity to move in with a girlfriend who is renting a house nearby. I have to give her an answer ASAP or she'll find another roommate. I think my relationship with Bobby MIGHT survive if we take a break from living together and date others. It would give us a chance to miss each other. Bobby disagrees. He says if I move out, it's over.

The truth is, I believe we will eventually break up whether I move out now or stay a little longer. Either way, I lose. Please help me make the right choice. -- TIRED OF THE TENSION ON THE FLORIDA COAST

DEAR TIRED: Listen to your intuition and move in with your girlfriend. That little voice is telling you your relationship with Bobby is winding down, not moving forward. Trust me, this is the right choice.

DEAR ABBY: For years I've seen news stories about people on vacation who lose their children, or who get injured and need to be rescued. Before venturing into the great outdoors, everyone should buy a small whistle that can be used to alert others if help is needed. It could be worn on a string around the neck or kept in a pocket. Thanks, Abby -- a little whistle could save a life. -- GIVES A TOOT IN POINT ARENA, CALIF.

DEAR GIVES A TOOT: I agree that a whistle can be handy to have in an emergency. However, I do NOT think that one should be placed around the neck of a small child. It's too easy for the cord to become tangled in something and cause a choking accident. Better to attach it to a keychain and attach the keychain to a belt loop.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My fifth-grade son, "Mikey," is considered the best soccer player on our community team. My problem is the mother of another player on the team. I'll call her Phyllis. At least three other moms have told me that Phyllis has been criticizing me at the games to anyone who'll listen.

I have never done anything to her, and I'm beginning to wonder if she's bad-mouthing me because my Mikey is a better soccer player than her boy. (Everyone knows the only reason her son is on the team is because his dad is the coach.)

Last Saturday, I was standing on the sidelines talking with another mother about the team's treats schedule, when Phyllis marched up and told me the treats I've been bringing to the games are junk food. How insulting! I made them myself.

Abby, I've had it with her. I try to stay as far away from this crazy-maker as I can. Is there a law against slandering someone like she's been doing to me? No way am I going to put up with her nonsense until our sons graduate from high school. Please help. -- SOCCER MOM READY TO SOCK-IT-TO-HER

DEAR SOCCER MOM: There are laws against slander, but in order to win a lawsuit you have to prove damages. Obviously, Phyllis is the community loudmouth. (Three people have told you so.) Continue to take the high road and ignore her comments. If you don't allow yourself to react to them, she'll look like a combative fool.

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Ruthie," and I have been together for 10 years and married for five. We have three beautiful children. Last year, I caught Ruthie having an affair, but I eventually forgave her.

To this day, every time my wife leaves the house, I can't help asking her who she's meeting, where she'll be, what time I can expect her home -- and if she's going to cheat on me again. Every once in a while, I still find strange phone numbers in her pocket or purse. When I call, the men always say they didn't know Ruthie was married. Then they quickly break it off with her.

Abby, I want my marriage to last. I love my wife with all my heart. What can I do to make my marriage to Ruthie better? -- KENTUCKY HUSBAND

DEAR HUSBAND: Counseling might help if your wife sincerely wants to save the marriage. It's possible that she is a sex addict. If she's willing to admit that she has a problem, Sexaholics Anonymous can be helpful. It's a self-help group for sexually compulsive men and women. It can be contacted by writing: P.O. Box 111910, Nashville, TN 37222-1910. The Web site is: www.sa.org.

If all else fails, consult a family law attorney and see what your options are. You deserve to be respected, and your first responsibility is to your children.

P.S. Have you been checked for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs)? If the answer is no, you should be. Please don't wait.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 27-year-old male. I live at home. My problem is my uncle, "Barney." He's my dad's brother. Uncle Barney always takes Dad out to eat and shopping and stuff and never invites me. Sometimes he will ask my dad right in front of me. It makes me feel awkward and unwanted. How should I handle this? -- EXCLUDED IN MARYSVILLE, CALIF.

DEAR EXCLUDED: Tell your uncle privately how you feel when he extends an invitation in your presence and excludes you. Tell your father that occasionally you would like to be included. It's possible they don't realize that their conversation would interest you. It's worth a try.

If that doesn't work, consider this: Sometimes people who live together need a break from each other. Don't take it personally. Cultivate friends your own age.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)