DEAR ABBY: My co-worker, "Kay," has the world's worst work ethic. She chats on the phone and e-mails her friends, plays games online, reads the paper, balances her checkbook all day long on company time.

Our office manager encourages us to work independently, so no one looks over our shoulders. My problem is I need Kay's daily reports and summaries before I can complete my projects. Every week I give her a list of deadlines but she disregards them. (She's too busy playing online solitaire.) When a deadline is missed, it becomes my fault, even though Kay is the cause.

I tried talking the problem over with our manager (without trashing Kay). Unfortunately, he didn't get the message and nothing has changed.

Coming to work used to make me happy. Now it fills me with dread because every day is a fight for survival. I am overwhelmed and swamped trying to overcompensate for my irresponsible co-worker. I'm tired of working my tail off while she messes around. Please help me resolve this in the most professional way possible. -- STRESSED-OUT IN OHIO

DEAR STRESSED-OUT: Talk to your manager again, and this time be direct. It's time to stop protecting the guilty. Your future with the company may depend on it.

Keep your manager current on the status of your work. This way, he will understand in advance that you're not being given the data you need to complete your task -- and it will provide some much-needed insight to management.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 49-year-old man happily married to my wife for 22 years. Before we met, I had an intimate relationship with a college sweetheart I'll call Amy.

Last summer, on a whim, I wrote Amy to find out how her life has turned out. Like me, she's been happily married for more than 20 years. Amy and I have since exchanged e-mails, family photos and a few phone calls -- strictly platonic. We live on opposite coasts and have no interest in rekindling our old romance. We just want to keep in touch.

The problem: I made the mistake of telling my wife that Amy and I have been "catching up," and to my surprise she said I was acting inappropriately for a married man. Tell me, Abby: Just because I'm married, do I need to give up all contact with former lovers and friends? Sign me ... WRONGLY ACCUSED IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WRONGLY ACCUSED: A lot of water has gone under the bridge since that college romance fizzled. Perhaps what has made your wife uneasy is the frequency of the e-mails and phone calls. Talk to her about it and see if you can reach a compromise. A card at holiday time would not seem inappropriate, but more than that does seem unfair to your wife, especially if it bothers her.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend, "Alana," and I have been dating for three months. (She is 16 and I'm 18.) I am about to meet her parents for the first time. My problem is I have a 10-month-old daughter from a previous relationship. Should I tell them I have a kid? Alana says her mom and dad would make us break up if they knew. I like Alana a lot, Abby. What should I do? -- NEEDS AN ANSWER IN ONTARIO, CANADA

DEAR NEEDS AN ANSWER: Meet your girlfriend's parents and let them get to know you for the wonderful person that you are -- but do NOT leave their house without leveling with them. Be prepared to answer a lot of questions about your obligations to the baby and the mother of your child. You should be given credit for honesty and for not hiding the truth.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: The love of my life, "Stacy," and I have been together for 20 years -- married for 10. I adore her. We have three beautiful children.

I consider myself to be fairly good-looking. I work out regularly, have good hygiene and I'm in excellent health. I work hard at two jobs so Stacy can be home with the children. I make sure my family has the best of everything.

My problem is Stacy gives me very little affection. She is a loving person; however, she rarely touches me, lies in bed with me or kisses me. When we do make love, it's not as exciting as it was 20 years ago. I feel empty inside and I ache for some warmth.

Recently, at a business gathering, a slightly intoxicated female employee surprised me with a passionate goodnight kiss. It felt wonderful. I can't stop thinking about that feeling. I yearn for that same feeling with my beautiful wife, but she shows no interest.

I am desperate for advice. I don't know how to talk to Stacy about this. I am so preoccupied with these feelings that I can't keep my mind focused, and it's starting to affect my job performance. -- SOMETHING'S MISSING IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR SOMETHING'S MISSING: You're working two jobs. Your wife is caring for three children under the age of 10. It's time for a second honeymoon where the two of you can spend time alone, get to know each other again, and rekindle the passion you once knew. Please make it a priority. It's important for the two of you to talk to each other and share feelings. That's where the true intimacy in marriage lies.

DEAR ABBY: In a letter you printed signed, "Watching My Garden Grow in Tulsa," the writer made clear the point that one person's weed is another's flower. That column inspired me to write a poem. I hope you like it. -- MARY G. SKELTON, LYNN HAVEN, FLA.

DEAR MARY: Like it? I love it! And I know my readers will, too. It is beautiful.

WEEDS -- THE BEAUTIES OF MY GARDEN

Weeds, to some, are like memories long past,

Needing to be plucked of the shadows they cast --

But I see their beauty, for God placed them there,

So that's where I leave them and tend to their care.

Their roots, growing deeply, hold fast and true,

As my faith, my love and my hope must do --

To garner my strength for another day,

To weather life's storms that come my way.

Where I see a flower and you see a weed,

Its presence and purpose fulfills my need --

To do what I can to manage the earth,

In my small garden, regardless of worth.

As I nurture my weeds and watch them grow,

There's something I've often wanted to know:

Could the loveliest rose, cursed with its thorn,

Be simply a weed -- imperfectly born?

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: This is nearly 25 years late, but I need to apologize to someone.

When I was a junior in high school, I dated "Carole." She had many fine qualities and I really enjoyed her company. After Carole and I had dated for nearly a year, I met "Marie." She was cute and exciting, and I immediately fell in love with her. Marie broke up with her boyfriend and I broke up with Carole so we could be together. (I'll never forget the day I broke up with Carole. She was at a friend's house when I told her. She stood on the porch crying as I drove away to meet Marie.)

I joined the military after graduation and married Marie later that same year. Our marriage lasted 10 months. Marie left me for another guy -- the same way she had left her boyfriend in high school for me. Carole married a great guy a few years after high school. They have been together for more than 20 years.

To Carole: I'm sorry I hurt you. I should have chosen you over Marie. Everyone saw that but me. You and I probably would have had a nice life together. I hope you're happy. If there's one thing I have learned over the years, it's that the "flashiest" people aren't always the right choices. -- TONY FROM GREENVILLE HIGH

DEAR TONY: Some people learn more from their mistakes than their successes, and you are one of them. Sometimes what is best for us is right in front of us. Recognizing what you DON'T want can be a giant step in the right direction. I hope you have put that knowledge to good use.

DEAR ABBY: I have an unusual dilemma. My husband, "Keith," and I have been married for three years. He is my dearest and closest friend.

The problem is, Keith works for his sister, "Kathie," in the shop she owns. Several nights a week she holds "dinner meetings" after work, but I am never invited to join them. When their parents host family get-togethers, Kathie says they're "business-related" -- and again I am excluded.

For the longest time I thought I could live with and accept my sister-in-law's non-acceptance of me. However, she has started telling lies about me to my husband, and calling him at all hours to come to her house when something needs fixing.

I have confronted Kathie to no avail. Abby, what advice can you offer to end this bizarre "real life" nightmare? -- OUT IN THE COLD IN COLORADO

DEAR OUT IN THE COLD: Encourage your husband to find another job with no strings attached. And help him to recognize that his sister's behavior is toxic to your marriage.

P.S. If Keith doesn't get the message, marriage counseling is in order. If he won't go, go without him.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend is crazy about me. We are both 23 and have been dating only a month. He repeatedly tells me how much he loves and cares about me. Sometimes I feel suffocated.

My problem is I'm not sure if I want to date exclusively. I am immersed in my studies and hope to establish myself in a great job -- my lifelong dream. What should I do? -- GRACIELA IN BRAZIL

DEAR GRACIELA: Your boyfriend may be on the up-and-up, but pushing for a quick, exclusive commitment is one of the warning signs of an abuser. Tell him to put on the brakes because this romance is moving too fast for you. Explain, straightforwardly, what your goals are, and how you hope to pursue them. They may -- or may not -- be compatible with his. But at least you'll have a clearer understanding of how you both want to live your lives.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)