DEAR ABBY: This is nearly 25 years late, but I need to apologize to someone.

When I was a junior in high school, I dated "Carole." She had many fine qualities and I really enjoyed her company. After Carole and I had dated for nearly a year, I met "Marie." She was cute and exciting, and I immediately fell in love with her. Marie broke up with her boyfriend and I broke up with Carole so we could be together. (I'll never forget the day I broke up with Carole. She was at a friend's house when I told her. She stood on the porch crying as I drove away to meet Marie.)

I joined the military after graduation and married Marie later that same year. Our marriage lasted 10 months. Marie left me for another guy -- the same way she had left her boyfriend in high school for me. Carole married a great guy a few years after high school. They have been together for more than 20 years.

To Carole: I'm sorry I hurt you. I should have chosen you over Marie. Everyone saw that but me. You and I probably would have had a nice life together. I hope you're happy. If there's one thing I have learned over the years, it's that the "flashiest" people aren't always the right choices. -- TONY FROM GREENVILLE HIGH

DEAR TONY: Some people learn more from their mistakes than their successes, and you are one of them. Sometimes what is best for us is right in front of us. Recognizing what you DON'T want can be a giant step in the right direction. I hope you have put that knowledge to good use.

DEAR ABBY: I have an unusual dilemma. My husband, "Keith," and I have been married for three years. He is my dearest and closest friend.

The problem is, Keith works for his sister, "Kathie," in the shop she owns. Several nights a week she holds "dinner meetings" after work, but I am never invited to join them. When their parents host family get-togethers, Kathie says they're "business-related" -- and again I am excluded.

For the longest time I thought I could live with and accept my sister-in-law's non-acceptance of me. However, she has started telling lies about me to my husband, and calling him at all hours to come to her house when something needs fixing.

I have confronted Kathie to no avail. Abby, what advice can you offer to end this bizarre "real life" nightmare? -- OUT IN THE COLD IN COLORADO

DEAR OUT IN THE COLD: Encourage your husband to find another job with no strings attached. And help him to recognize that his sister's behavior is toxic to your marriage.

P.S. If Keith doesn't get the message, marriage counseling is in order. If he won't go, go without him.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend is crazy about me. We are both 23 and have been dating only a month. He repeatedly tells me how much he loves and cares about me. Sometimes I feel suffocated.

My problem is I'm not sure if I want to date exclusively. I am immersed in my studies and hope to establish myself in a great job -- my lifelong dream. What should I do? -- GRACIELA IN BRAZIL

DEAR GRACIELA: Your boyfriend may be on the up-and-up, but pushing for a quick, exclusive commitment is one of the warning signs of an abuser. Tell him to put on the brakes because this romance is moving too fast for you. Explain, straightforwardly, what your goals are, and how you hope to pursue them. They may -- or may not -- be compatible with his. But at least you'll have a clearer understanding of how you both want to live your lives.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a girlfriend at work I'll call "Crystal." I think she's cheating with "John," a co-worker who is married. Crystal was going to be married in the fall, but now the wedding is off. She says that she and John are "just friends." But the way it looks to me, they are a lot more than that.

I see Crystal and John in the parking lot after work. He sits in the driver's seat, and she sticks half her body through the car window to kiss him goodbye. They also go "out to lunch" every day. When I ask her if she'd like to have lunch with me, she lies and says she's staying in -- then I see them in the parking lot and she's all over him.

I've tried talking to Crystal about John, but she gets defensive. I think he convinced her not to get married. This isn't the first time he's been involved with a co-worker. How can I tell Crystal she shouldn't waste her time with a married man? -- WORRIED IN ILLINOIS

DEAR WORRIED: Love is blind, and sometimes also deaf to the voice of reason. In your case, it is already too late to reason with Crystal. If a co-worker who had an earlier fling with John would be willing to share her experience with Crystal, it might wake her up -- but I'm not betting on it. Some lessons must be learned the hard way, and when a workplace romance fizzles and reality hits, it's a cold awakening. (Clip this, give it to her, and tell her this message is for her -- from both of us.)

DEAR ABBY: My fiancee, "Charlene," and I plan to marry this fall. We couldn't be happier and eagerly anticipate spending our lives together. However, the wedding planning is causing tension in our families.

Charlene and I are recent college grads, struggling to pay off student loans. We are unable to afford a large, lavish wedding. After discussing this at length, we realized that neither of us wanted a big wedding in the first place. We prefer a quiet, intimate gathering, and a small ceremony would suit us both.

Our problem is, Charlene and I feel we must accommodate our large families who want to attend our wedding. We're afraid that if we don't invite everyone on both sides, feelings will be hurt.

How do we arrange for the perfect small wedding of our dreams without disappointing our extended family members? -- TRYING TO KEEP THE PEACE IN THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST

DEAR TRYING: Limit your wedding to parents, grandparents and siblings. As long as no exceptions are made, there should be no hard feelings among the extended family members.

P.S. Consider celebrating with friends and other relatives by hosting an open house a few weeks after your wedding. It needn't be anything formal -- you could serve wine and/or punch, a few simple homemade hors d'oeuvres and something sweet.

DEAR ABBY: I am a single mother of two boys. My oldest is 21 with a wife and baby. They live here in town. My youngest is a junior in high school and lives with me.

Recently, because he's out of work, I helped my older son by paying his $600 rent. My younger son has a part-time job and should have money of his own, but he usually blows it and never seems to have a dime.

What's bothering me is that neither of my sons did anything for me on Mother's Day. No card, no phone call, no "Happy Mother's Day" -- nothing! I feel angry, hurt and awful. And I don't know what to do with these feelings. What, if anything, should I say to them? -- MISERABLE MOM IN TUCSON

DEAR MISERABLE MOM: Tell your thoughtless, self-centered sons exactly what you have written to me. They need to hear it. Your feelings are valid.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 24 and recently married "Teddy," the most wonderful man in the world. Our problems began when we were on our honeymoon. We made the mistake of giving his mother, "Janice," an extra key to our home -- "in case of emergency."

When Teddy and I returned home, she had completely redecorated our living room. Janice had removed our beautiful wallpaper and painted the walls and molding several shades of green. She also made curtains and pillows to match. I have never been fond of green, but now it's everywhere -- including paint splatters on our newly refinished hardwood floors.

Abby, I feel violated! I do not want to hurt Janice's feelings, but I need to let her know that although we appreciate her efforts, she is never to do this again.

We will be leaving on vacation in the fall, and I think Janice has her eyes on our bedroom. What should I do? -- PREFERS BEIGE IN BALTIMORE

DEAR PREFERS BEIGE: You and Teddy must talk to his mother together. She may have meant well, but your use of the word "violated" really sums it up. Your mother-in-law's actions were presumptuous and insulting. If I were you, I'd either change the locks or get that key back.

You have your work cut out for you. Your mother-in-law has no concept of boundaries. If you do not draw the line now, you'll never have a home or color scheme to call your own.

DEAR ABBY: In celebration of Father's Day, I would like to share with you a poem my daughter wrote as a tribute to her daddy years ago. It meant the world to him, and to honor his memory I offer it to you and your readers. -- MARION LENZEN, AURORA, ILL.

DEAR MARION: I am pleased you did. I'm sure it will strike a familar note with many readers.

MORE THAN PROMISES

By Eileen Votava

He couldn't buy the roses

I saw in the vendor's cart.

But he showed me how

To plant the seeds and cut the blooms.

And together we'd tend

The garden from his heart.

He couldn't show me the way

To slide downhill on my sled.

But the tales of horsedrawn

Sleighs from his youth filled my hours.

Richer was I than my friends,

As down the hill they sped.

He couldn't take me places

Filled with intrigue and mystique.

But he promised to take me

Fishing on the banks of a quiet stream.

No doubt we would go;

His promises he'd always keep.

He never promised dreams and schemes;

That life would be always fair.

But he pledged me his support;

Even when I made mistakes.

And when I needed him most,

He was always there.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MORTON PHILLIPS IN MINNEAPOLIS: Happy Father's Day, Dad!

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)