DEAR ABBY: Our daughter "Jill" is a 19-year-old college freshman. She recently revealed in a friend's Web diary that she had "chugged" an entire pitcher of beer and had to be carried to her dorm room, where her roommate (also drunk) made her drink water until she threw up. "First time drunk," she wrote -- then ended with the chilling words, "... and I can't wait to do it again."

Needless to say, my wife and I are extremely worried about Jill's binge drinking. Our problem is that the diary is supposed to be off-limits for my wife and me. We had promised our daughter that we'd remove her friend's name from all buddy lists on our home computer -- but it wasn't done, and we have continued to read her diary online.

As I see it, her mother and I have three options: (1) Wait and say nothing, but continue to monitor the situation to see if the "first drunk" was a one-time occurrence; (2) call the college and express concern that they're not doing enough to keep alcohol off campus and away from underage drinkers; or (3) speak directly to Jill, admit we're guilty of reading her diary, and try to discuss the danger of binge drinking (knowing that such a discussion may not be well received).

Abby, our daughter has always been close to us and generally shared her thoughts and feelings. She's our oldest and has usually shown good judgment. Any help you can offer would be greatly appreciated. -- CONCERNED PARENTS IN NEW YORK

DEAR PARENTS: You cannot ignore this and hope it will go away. Speak to your daughter and don't apologize. I'm sad to say that binge drinking is a real problem on many college campuses. Let Jill know the alarm that her disclosure has caused you. Assure her of your love and support, and inform her in a nonjudgmental and nonthreatening way that you expect her to obey the law and protect her own safety and well-being.

Binge drinking among college students has very serious health and safety implications. Alcohol poisoning can be fatal, and girls who get blind drunk make themselves vulnerable to sexual assault. Your daughter is on the verge of adulthood, and she needs to be equipped to make mature, responsible decisions about things that could affect her health and her future.

Arm yourselves with factual information about the potential health, safety and legal consequences of binge drinking. The National Clearinghouse for Alcohol and Drug Information (1-800-729-6686) offers the fact sheets "Binge Drinking in Adolescents and College Students," and "The Role of Parents in Preventing Underage Drinking." You can also find them on the Web at http://ncadi.samhsa.gov. Good luck.

DEAR ABBY: I am a professional with a good income and have been dating "Barry," a man who isn't exactly a pauper. I recently invited Barry for a weekend at an upscale resort.

The room and one meal were paid for by my company. This man ordered numerous poolside drinks, put them on my tab, and never tipped the waiter a cent.

On our last night, when Barry suggested that dinner would be his treat as a thank-you gesture, he asked me if I'd split an entree with him. Abby, is he or is he not a gigolo? -- STILL AMAZED IN PHOENIX

DEAR STILL AMAZED: Unless Barry was hired to spend the weekend, he is not a gigolo. He may not be a pauper -- and is certainly not a prince -- but he is, however, cheap, cheap, cheap. Run!

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Until a few months ago I was a full-time homemaker. In the process of easing back into the profession I left when my children came along, I took a part-time job.

All of a sudden, the other stay-at-home moms in my circle, whom I thought were close friends, began giving me the cold shoulder. They started screening their calls, stopped returning my messages, dropped out of our carpool, and no longer allowed their kids to play with mine.

When I mentioned this to my female colleagues, several of them described similar experiences. Abby, it's difficult for me to understand the behavior of these women. Is it jealousy or resentment? Can't they see how much we still have in common and that we share the same goals -- providing a good home for our families? Please offer me some insight. -- A WORKING MOM

DEAR WORKING MOM: The behavior you have described is mean-spirited. Forget the "insight" and cultivate friendships with other working mothers. They will understand the pressures you face, and perhaps you can take turns sharing the responsibilities of parenting.

DEAR ABBY: Last year my husband and I had an "altercation." I pressed charges and he went to jail. Big mistake. I should have kept my mouth shut. (That's what started the fight in the first place -- although it was his fault for assaulting me.)

I called our son in Germany and told him about the incident. Now he refuses to speak to his dad. They were fairly close before -- not now. My son and his wife have a new baby and they want to send me a ticket to visit them this summer. I want to go, but since Hubby and I are working things out with the help of a psychiatrist and our minister, I wouldn't feel right going without him. Should I go or stay home? I love them all and don't want to have to choose between them. -- HALF-PACKED TO GO

DEAR HALF-PACKED: Since you are asking me to choose for you, I recommend that you postpone visiting your son until the psychotherapy and marriage counseling are finished. Explain to your son and his wife that you very much want to visit them and meet your new grandchild, but saving your marriage has to take priority.

I commend your son for wanting to protect you. I hope if there are any more violent incidents that you will have enough self-esteem and conviction to call the police and exit the marriage.

DEAR ABBY: A recent letter mentioned insensitive remarks made about those of us who do not fit "the norm." It reminded me of a wonderful memory of my beautiful, intelligent daughter who is now in her 40s. She was born with a noticeable birthmark near her left eye. While she was growing up, in supermarkets, on playgrounds, etc., people would comment about it -- much to my chagrin.

One day, in answer to a passer-by's inquiry, she replied, "When God made me he touched me there, and said, 'She's done!'" The person's jaw dropped -- and I LOVED it! -- STILL PROUD MOM IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR STILL PROUD MOM: You and your daughter both deserve to be commended. You, for instilling in your daughter an unshakable sense of self-esteem. And your daughter for having the wisdom to understand that we are ALL as God made us.

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DEAR ABBY: I'm proud to say I always enjoyed a close relationship with my former husband's immediate family. Although we are now divorced, I've remained in frequent contact with my ex-mother-in-law.

The problem is I am in a new and serious relationship with another man, and I'm afraid if I tell him I still communicate with my ex's mother, he'll go berserk. I don't want to anger or hurt him, but feel he should know the truth. Above all, I don't want to sacrifice the friendship I have with my ex-mother-in-law. Please tell me how to handle this situation. -- HOUSTON EX

DEAR EX: Disclose to your gentleman friend the fact that you still have a relationship with the woman, and don't apologize for it. If the romance progresses, it will be very difficult to hide it.

Your letter raises a red flag. If a relationship with your former mother-in-law would truly make him "go berserk," how will he handle other things he might not like about you? Please keep your eyes open and make no rash commitments.

DEAR ABBY: Please help me. I need to know if I should approach another mother about why my 10-year-old son was not invited to her son's birthday party.

We have lived in our close-knit neighborhood for three years. All of the other children on our street were invited, and they told my son all about it at school the next day. Now he feels left out and sad. Until now, he thought he was good friends with the birthday boy.

I know this sort of thing happens, but for a mother to organize a party and knowingly exclude one child doesn't seem right. How should I handle it, Abby? -- SMALL-TOWN MOM IN IOWA

DEAR MOM: By all means ask the mother what happened. Since your son was the only child not invited to the party, shame on her for abetting that kind of exclusion.

However, before approaching the mother, invite the neighborhood children to your home and observe how they interact. There may be a reason your child was not welcome. If he's having relationship or behavior problems, now is the time to give him the social skills he will need for the rest of his life.

DEAR ABBY: "Big Girl in Des Moines" said she felt good about getting results from her diet and exercise program, but complained that her boyfriend had turned into a "food cop." There may be a subtext going on in their relationship. It's possible that he's actually trying to sabotage her weight loss.

I know. My soon-to-be-ex-husband sabotaged every attempt I made to lose weight throughout our more than 20 years of marriage. He was always subtle about it. For instance, he'd tell me I'd been working hard and "deserved a treat" -- or HE needed a treat and then he'd keep offering me "just a bite." It was amazing how suddenly he wanted to eat fatty meals at fast-food restaurants.

My husband worried I would lose so much weight that I'd decide I could do better than him. "Big Girl" should keep her eyes and ears open and stick to her diet. -- SOON-TO-BE-EX IN RENO

DEAR SOON-TO-BE-EX: It's sad that your husband's insecurities were so great that he jeopardized your health and destroyed your marriage. (It seems that the excess weight you had been carrying around was HIM.)

CONFIDENTIAL TO "EXHAUSTED IN MARYLAND": You and the children have suffered far too long. For their sake, listen to your attorney!

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)