DEAR ABBY: I am in my late 20s. For six years I have been entangled in a strange and powerful relationship with "Bruce," a 38-year-old man who considers himself "only a friend." I am very much in love with him and he knows it. He has never said he loves me. In fact, whenever we get close, he steps back emotionally and reminds me that he's "just a friend."

Bruce was hurt badly by a cheating wife and has been divorced for many years. I know for a fact that there have been no other women in his life. Despite all this, Bruce treats me like a queen. Whatever I need -- you name it -- he is right there. He is the most generous, protective and responsive man I have ever met.

He calls me every morning to say hello and every night to wish me sweet dreams. We spend weekends together and we're sexually active. We enjoy each other more than any couple I know -- married or unmarried. We're such a good match that people tell us we absolutely "glow" when we're together.

I have finally reached the end of my rope. I need SOME kind of recognition. At the very least, I would like to be considered his girlfriend. Please help me look at this relationship with clear eyes. -- "ONLY A FRIEND" IN NEW YORK STATE

DEAR "ONLY A FRIEND": It's time to face the fact that for whatever reason, Bruce is commitment-phobic. Up to now, your relationship has been entirely on his terms, and he likes it the way it is. I'll give him marks for honesty. You must accept it -- or move on. (If it's marriage and a secure future you're after, I urge you to do the latter.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 15-year-old girl, and my parents split up a couple of weeks ago. I didn't see it coming because they always acted like they were happy together. My mom and dad have both talked to me about it, but I feel like they're trying to make me choose sides.

Mom is forever asking me if I'm OK, and I always say yes, but I'm not so sure. I can't talk to my father because we aren't as close -- we never were. Also, I don't see him as much anymore and he rarely calls.

My grades have dropped, and I've been falling asleep in some of my classes. Dad thinks I'm depressed, but I don't agree. I don't know how to explain what I'm going through. My parents don't understand. Abby, please help me because I don't know what to do. -- LOST AND CONFUSED IN STAFFORD, VA.

DEAR LOST: Your father may have more insight than you have given him credit for. The signs of depression can be subtle. Among them are sleep problems.

Please level with both of your parents about your feelings. Your reaction to the divorce is normal. You should also speak to a counselor at school. Help is available for you. Please don't try to go through this process alone. Trust me on this: You'll start to feel better as soon as you speak up and stop bottling up your feelings.

DEAR ABBY: Back in 1963, your mother printed a great definition of "maturity." I clipped and saved it, and have referred to it many times. It's still relevant, and my copy has become worn and tattered. Any chance you would print it again? -- HELEN REZENDES, SAN JOSE, CALIF.

DEAR HELEN: I'm pleased to print it again. My mother is a wise woman.

"Maturity is:

"-- The ability to stick with a job until it's finished.

"-- The ability to do a job without being supervised.

"-- The ability to carry money without spending it.

"-- And the ability to bear an injustice without wanting to get even."

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 26-year-old wife and mother of a 16-month-old son. For the most part, I feel blessed. However, there are times when I feel overwhelmed working and being a wife and mom. I never seem to get a break.

We live with my husband's dad because we had some credit problems and are trying to get back on our feet. My father-in-law thinks I should do most of the household chores and that I should still be able to find enough time for myself -- but it hasn't worked out that way.

If I want to spend a few hours with my friends, my husband and his dad think it's an imposition when I ask them to baby-sit. On the other hand, my husband takes off and hangs out with his friends any time he feels like it.

Am I wrong to feel there's a double standard here? Don't get me wrong -- my husband and son and I do spend some time together, and we're active in our church. But I can't help feeling I need more time for myself. Please help. -- OVERLOADED IN THE NORTHWEST

DEAR OVERLOADED: Before any more tensions and resentments build, it's time to draw the line and speak up. As it stands, your father-in-law has a built-in maid and your husband has reverted to adolescence. Whether you get church-based or secular marriage counseling, get it NOW before you cave in under the stress of your current situation. You and your husband need to get back on your feet and find a place to call your own.

DEAR ABBY: I am 15 and have never had a boyfriend. All my friends have boyfriends, and I'm the only girl without a guy. This whole year I've had my eye on a senior at my school. I try my best to get his attention, but he doesn't seem to take the hints. We say "hi" to each other in the halls, but that's about it.

How can I get him to notice me, Abby? I mean, I'm really in love with him and want him to know how I feel. There's only one problem -- I'm kind of scared to approach him. Graduation is almost here and soon he'll be leaving. What should I do? -- SCARED TO MAKE THE FIRST MOVE IN FLORIDA

DEAR SCARED: Give or send him a graduation card with a sincere note wishing him luck and letting him know you'll miss seeing him on campus. It will give him an opening and show him that you like him. If he doesn't respond after that, set your sights on a cute junior -- someone who'll be around for another year.

DEAR ABBY: Graduation time is here. My senior is blissfully happy to be graduating from high school. She addressed her own announcements and sent them to family and friends of her choosing.

I would like to send a message to the recipients of the millions of announcements that will arrive during these next few weeks: Please take these announcements for what they are -- they are NOT a request for gifts.

My daughter is thrilled to be going through this rite of passage. I remember how I felt a few years ago when I began receiving announcements from the children of friends, wondering if a present or monetary gift was expected. Well, THIS senior's parent wants to say: Please just be happy for the graduating student. Thanks, Abby. -- PROUD OF MY GRAD IN VIRGINIA

DEAR PROUD: When someone receives a graduation announcement, one should do more than "be happy." Good manners dictate that the announcement should not be ignored. At the least, a card or letter of congratulations is in order. (Gifts are optional.)

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: As a child-care provider for many years, I would like to offer some advice to "Child-Care Pro in New Jersey," who is stumped about what to do when Mom (or Dad) comes to pick up the children and they start acting up.

Sometimes children are confused about how to act when their parent arrives. The day-care provider can help by beginning to discuss ahead of time what will be said the minute Mom or Dad arrives. "Let's tell Mom about that neat picture you made today," or, "Tell Mom how you used good words to tell Jeff how you felt instead of hitting him."

When Mom walks in the door, be ready with positive things to say. She is probably mentally and physically tired at that point and needs all the help she can get to make it a good transition.

I agree with you, Abby, the child-care provider should step in if the children begin acting up -- and the children should be warned that you'll use discipline if you need to. If the moment Mom walks in, the adults begin talking among themselves, that's the time kids act up. Mom should be told you'll call her later with any news. This is a kid's time to talk to Mom. -- LOVES KIDS IN OREGON

DEAR LOVES KIDS: Those are good suggestions, and thank you for them. Now let's hear it from some other child-care professionals:

DEAR ABBY: Having worked in child care more than 20 years, the best advice I can offer is this: When the misbehaving starts, ask the parent, "Would you like to handle this or do you want me to?" That way, you acknowledge the misbehavior and the fact that it must be dealt with, without undermining the parent.

Waiting until the next day to discipline the child would serve no useful purpose. -- ANOTHER PRO IN HENDERSON, TENN.

DEAR A.P.: I agree.

DEAR ABBY: It is not unusual for children to act up when the parents arrive. Here's how I handle it:

I talk to the children about their behavior before their parents get here. I have them ready to go so there's no chance for them to misbehave. And I offer them a reward -- like a healthy snack -- to take with them if they get ready to go without a fuss. -- BEEN THERE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR BEEN THERE: Way to go! I see nothing wrong with providing an incentive for good behavior.

DEAR ABBY: Since I was a kid I've loved basketball. I've played it since the fourth grade, and now I'm planning to participate in the Special Olympics. My goal is to become a professional player. Mom always told me that whatever I hope to achieve, I can make it happen. All I have to do is put my mind to it and not give up. The possibilities are endless.

When people out there tell me I'm stupid or an idiot, I respond by saying that I have good coping skills and a lot of potential. I like myself and I care about others.

My message to anyone with a disability is this: Tell yourself you can be an achiever and say to yourself, "I'm going to make something of myself" -- and it will happen. -- DETERMINED TO SUCCEED IN TACOMA

DEAR DETERMINED: Thank you for sharing your philosophy. It applies to everyone, not just people with disabilities. A person who has a goal to pursue is far better off than a person who has none.

Your mother deserves to be commended for being a terrific role model and teacher. Give her a hug for me.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)