DEAR ABBY: Last Saturday night, I went to a church dance. I didn't want to go, but my mother made me. I danced a few times, but mostly sat with another girl who's a good friend. When I got up to make a phone call in the hallway, I was unaware that her father had been watching me.

He followed me down the hall, grabbed me, and wouldn't let go. I tried to break away, but the harder I struggled, the tighter he held me. Nobody saw us. When I finally got away from him, I ran out of the building and all the way home.

I haven't told my mom about it because she would jump to the wrong conclusions -- and if I tell my friend, she might accuse me of lying about her dad and it would wreck our friendship. What should I do, Abby? -- TROUBLED TEEN GIRL IN LOGAN, UTAH

DEAR TROUBLED: You have to speak up. Tell your mother. Tell your clergyperson. Your friend's father is a predator. He assaulted you and he MUST be reported. If you remain silent, he could do something more serious to you or some other young girl. Please don't wait.

DEAR ABBY: I have been living with "Ken" for seven years. On two occasions in the past few months, he has told me he's dating someone else. Each time, Ken allowed me to believe it for more than an hour. Then he admitted he was "putting me on" -- that he was only testing me to see if I really loved him.

We were already having problems, and this "game" has caused me to doubt our future together. When Ken realized how upset and manipulated I felt, he apologized and said he regretted ever making such a statement.

I am trying to believe him and forgive him, but I'm having a hard time. Am I wrong for having doubts about him? -- ANGRY AND CONFUSED IN THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST

DEAR ANGRY AND CONFUSED: Your boyfriend's game is sadistic. You're right to have second thoughts about him. If Ken pulls something like this again, dump him and don't look back.

DEAR ABBY: I read with interest the letter from "Michigan Grandmother," whose son had recently divorced and whose grandchildren were starting to steal. In your reply you advised, "When couples separate, they still have a joint responsibility to the children they brought into this world."

I think that on some level, children know this. Often, when parents are having trouble in their lives (divorce in this case), children will act out in some manner -- such as stealing -- so that family members MUST come together to handle the crisis. The grandchildren in this instance may not actually expect their parents to reunite, but their stealing is "rewarded" by seeing their parents involved and coming together to work through the problem. In this way, they are once again a family -- even if it's just for a little while.

Time and love are great healers. Your advice to "Michigan Grandmother" was on the money. Spend more time with the boys until they have adjusted to the divorce. If they don't make the adjustment, family counseling is the next step. -- JULI HERREN, ST. PETE BEACH, FLA.

DEAR JULI: You said it very well. I agree.

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DEAR ABBY: "Annoyed in the Sunshine State" described a meal in an upscale restaurant that was ruined because of disruptive children at a nearby table. She asked what you would have done had you been the manager.

While traveling in Arizona with adult friends, we stopped at an attractive restaurant. After we were seated, we saw the following card, which had been placed on each table in the dining room:

"We ask parents to monitor the conduct of their children while dining with us. We ask that all children remain seated.

"As parents, we fully empathize with teaching your children how to behave at the dinner table. We ask for proper decorum from all of our guests and appreciate parents' cooperation in supervising your children while dining with us."

I counted nine young children in the room. They were all well-behaved and having fun. -- NANCY IN FAIRFIELD, OHIO

DEAR NANCY: I'd say that was a well-run establishment. The management was certainly within its rights to assure the enjoyment of all of the patrons who dined there -- regardless of age. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Let me tell you how the manager of an O'Charley's restaurant handled out-of-control children. Customers were complaining; some were threatening to leave and some were walking out. The family had ordered their food.

The manager walked up to the parents, thanked them for coming in, and explained that other customers were complaining about the noise their children were making. Then he asked them to leave. He had boxed up their dinners and the food was waiting FREE at the door. He had also included complimentary desserts. It was great! The family had to get up and leave because there was nothing they could say. Everybody won. -- PHYLLIS IN WEST CHESTER, OHIO

DEAR PHYLLIS: I'll bet the other patrons applauded and will return again for peaceful dining.

DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from "Annoyed," I just had to write about how a mother admirably handled her toddler's temper tantrum.

I was enjoying a restaurant meal with friends when a child began crying and screaming. A few seconds later, the young mother hurried toward the exit with her squirming, screaming child in her arms. My friends and I, veteran mothers and grandmothers, glanced after her sympathetically.

Several minutes later, the mother returned, leading the now-calm child by the hand. They stopped at each table, and I soon realized that the little boy -- with gentle help from his mother -- was apologizing to the diners for disturbing them. What a lucky child to have a mother who understands that "discipline" means TEACHING. -- IMPRESSED IN THE NORTHWEST

DEAR IMPRESSED: What a lucky child to have a conscientious parent who didn't abdicate responsibility and inflict him on other people.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: "The story -- from 'Rumplestiltskin' to 'War and Peace' -- is one of the basic tools invented by the human mind, for the purpose of gaining understanding. There have been great societies that did not use the wheel, but there have been no societies that did not tell stories." -- URSULA K. LE GUIN, 1979

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DEAR ABBY: I am still madly in love with my ex-girlfriend, "Holly," but all she feels for me is friendship. We talk on the phone daily, and she confides in me about her "guy trouble." I should tell you, she dumped me for an older guy. He has strung her along for months, and according to what Holly says, she's afraid he's about to blow her off.

Holly is in a lot of emotional pain right now. I'm trying my best to console her, but this situation tears me up. I'm so in love with her, I'd do anything to be with her -- but she's made it clear she's got it bad for the other guy.

Should I continue trying to be Holly's friend and advise her how to "hold on" to this guy? Or should I hang on and hope that she'll see the light? I'd be grateful for any advice. -- LOVESICK IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR LOVESICK: If she's asking you for advice on how to hang onto another man, it's safe to conclude that your romance is over. Accept it, extricate yourself and move on. Unless you like having your molars drilled without anesthetic, to continue with Holly would be folly.

DEAR ABBY: When I read the letter from the faithful wife whose husband called her by another woman's name in his sleep, and who claims that his boss "demands" that he drive a female co-worker to and from work, I had to write.

My husband called me "Stephanie" at the dinner table for four years. He accused me of stealing money from accounts I didn't even know existed or was not a signatory on. He abandoned me for months on end, locking doors and sneaking out of the house. He called me filthy names and told me I was hideous.

At the time, his physician said his behavior was normal.

Three years later, after a divorce, loss of home, friends, status, club memberships and financial assets, my husband is in assisted living -- diagnosed with Alzheimer's and a rare bone cancer.

I miss certain aspects of our marriage. It is lonely being single. But I did not recognize, nor could I have known, what caused the disintegration of his personality. -- ROBERTA IN PALM SPRINGS

DEAR ROBERTA: You have my sympathy, and so does your husband. I advise readers whose family members exhibit a sudden change in personality or behavior to notify their doctors so the person can be physically and neurologically evaluated. However, in your case the physician missed the warning signs.

Yes, being single can sometimes be lonely. But it is better than living with the abuse you described.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I always gave our two children money whenever they were in a tight spot. Now that I am a widow, money is tight, and I've lost most of my savings in the stock market.

The "children" are now approaching 50 and still ask me to bail them out. (I can hardly pay my own bills.) I know I must put a stop to this, Abby, so please help me find the right words. -- PENNY IN SILVER LAKE, CALIF.

DEAR PENNY: Tell your children you don't want to be a "Hard-Hearted Hannah," but "You Can't Give Them Anything but Love." It's the truth -- so stick by it. It's time for your "children" to change their tune and accept the fact that they are adults and should stand on their own two feet.

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