DEAR ABBY: While I appreciated the irony of your response to "Ready and Willing in New York," subtlety may have been lost on him. He's the man who wants his wife to guarantee that she'll give him sex three times a week.

That poor woman has my sympathy. How could anyone feel romantic -- or ready and willing -- with a partner who made that kind of demand?

The fact that she wants to move to Albany and have her family help care for their four children might be an indication that he's not helping her enough. Ask any mother: Not getting the assistance or appreciation that you need in raising children is a surefire libido killer. -- NOT READY OR WILLING TO PUT UP WITH THAT IN D.C.

DEAR D.C.: Many readers had strong feelings about that husband and his attitude. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Your answer, "Why limit yourself to three times a week?" was weak. Why didn't you tell that awful man what a jerk he is for thinking sex with your spouse can be used as a bargaining tool? What kind of person would demand that his wife make love to him like it was nothing more than a contract? Shame on him, and shame on you for not calling him on it! -- FURIOUS IN PHOENIX

DEAR FURIOUS: What kind of husband would demand sex as a payoff? A turkey in the hay, of course.

DEAR ABBY: Your message to "Ready and Willing" was right on. However, in all seriousness, this man should consider why his wife is not "giving him" the sex he wants. When a wife hears, "I deserve it because it is my marital right," she withdraws. No one wants to be treated that way. I have a hunch that even if they move to Albany, he won't be satisfied until he examines his behavior. -- MARJORIE IN LONG BEACH, CALIF.

DEAR MARJORIE: Or examines his approach, which is about as romantic as an ice bath.

DEAR ABBY: Get out the wet noodle. Do the math. That woman is caring for four kids, the oldest of which couldn't be more than 10. She is tired! Your reply was not appreciated by other tired moms -- and we are legion. -- ALSO TIRED IN K.C.

DEAR ALSO TIRED: I meant no disrespect to tired moms.

DEAR ABBY: I just want to say I loved your tongue-in-cheek reply. -- MOTHER OF FOUR IN VIRGINIA

DEAR MOTHER: I'm afraid my answer was interpreted as more foot-in-mouth than tongue-in-cheek.

DEAR ABBY: That wife should counteroffer and tell him his agreement is acceptable under the following terms:

(1) If the toilet seat is left up, subtract two sex days.

(2) If he nags or complains when asked to help around the house, subtract one "encounter" for each complaint.

(3) If he starts a project and leaves it unfinished, subtract one more.

Sex in marriage should not be about power and control. It should be about intimacy, love, and feeling close to your spouse. -- VALERIE IN BLOOMINGTON, IND.

DEAR VALERIE: You're right. Many readers pointed out that intimacy in marriage is a result of cooperation, consideration and respect in every aspect of the partnership.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR READERS: Today is Memorial Day. Don't forget to take a moment and, regardless of what your religious affiliation may be, offer a prayer for those brave souls who sacrificed their lives in the name of freedom. Blessed are they all.

DEAR ABBY: My 30-something girlfriend, "Heidi," is in her first year of business school. She is on a committee to organize the graduation party for students who will graduate next month.

It's going to be an all-night "affair" (good choice of words?), and will be held at a hotel, so the drinkers can stay overnight. Heidi is in charge of reserving a block of rooms, and for the past few weeks has been immersed in every detail of the event.

Heidi thinks there's nothing wrong with attending this graduation party as a member of the committee -- as well as staying overnight. I say it's a recipe for disaster. Your opinion is needed ASAP. -- DUMBFOUNDED BOYFRIEND IN NOVA SCOTIA

DEAR DUMBFOUNDED BOYFRIEND: Your girlfriend has worked hard to make this event a success, and I don't blame her for wanting to enjoy it. However, you know Heidi better than I do. If she has shown you in the past that she can't be trusted, you can't be blamed for feeling as you do.

P.S. If she has been as faithful as Fido -- YOU have an insecurity problem you had better deal with before you drive Heidi away.

DEAR ABBY: "Hurt and Confused in Oregon" didn't know what to make of the fact that her friend of many years suddenly stopped talking to her. You advised that the reason could be that there's something going on in her friend's life that she's not willing to share.

Anyone whose friend stops communicating -- seemingly for no reason -- should ask him- or herself the following questions:

(1) Are you a braggart? Do you boast incessantly about yourself, your family, your abilities, etc.? Maybe your friend got tired of hearing it.

(2) Are YOU the favorite topic of your conversation? Maybe your friend isn't as fascinated by you as you are!

(3) When something good happens to your friend, do you show genuine happiness, or do you exhibit jealousy and resentment?

(4) Do you encourage your friend and build him/her up -- or do you say things to dampen your friend's spirits, thereby bringing that person down?

Sometimes people say things that alienate others without realizing they are doing so. I speak from experience, Abby. Sign me ... HAD ENOUGH

DEAR HAD ENOUGH: There is always room for improvement. This may be a time when introspection is called for. If one's friends are bailing, an honest look in the mirror may be in order.

DEAR ABBY: At what age can one relinquish the role of godparent? My godchildren are now adults, and I simply cannot afford to keep doling out gifts. They never phone or visit; we have little contact unless I initiate it. Frankly, I'd like to hang up my title and retire gracefully. What is the etiquette on this? -- NO FAIRY GODMOTHER IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR NO FAIRY GODMOTHER: There is no law that compels you to bestow gifts from the cradle to the grave -- their cradle and your grave. Send the grown "godchildren" a lovely card and your heartfelt good wishes.

P.S. I'll bet you get a phone call!

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am more than 60 years of age and have been married 25 years. My husband and I have been living apart for five years, but he will not agree to a legal separation. (We have no children.)

I have been forced to agree to minimal monthly support. However, our agreement has never been put in writing because my husband will not agree to anything formal, and I cannot afford to hire a lawyer to represent me. My husband is involved in another relationship now, but says he has no intention of divorcing me.

My problem: I filed for Social Security, and he reduced my monthly support payment by the same amount, thus leaving me in the same financial position I was in before -- nothing left for savings or emergencies. I want to work, but he has threatened to further reduce the monthly payment by the amount I would receive from working. I would not be able to "hide" money I earn, because we file joint income tax returns. My husband's position with regard to this leaves me frustrated and without incentive.

Please give me some advice. A divorce will be very involved since there is a lot of money and property at stake. I have consulted two lawyers; each one asked for a significant retainer fee, not to mention the $250 to $350 just to consult with them. I am stuck. I really need help. -- PRISONER IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR PRISONER: I spoke with prominent California family law specialist Jill Greenspahn. I think you will be interested in what she has to say:

(1) Your husband doesn't have to "agree" for you to have a legal separation.

(2) If you can't afford a lawyer, check into hiring a paralegal.

(3) You don't "have" to file a joint tax return. You can file separately if you wish.

(4) Since there is money and property to divide in your divorce, you can pledge a portion of it as payment for legal fees. But even more important, in California, the earner -- in your case, that's your husband -- MUST PROVIDE LEGAL FEES FOR THE WIFE'S REPRESENTATION -- and any lawyers worth their salt know that!

I'm pulling for you, dear lady.

DEAR ABBY: I always overeat when I'm watching television. I watch TV only at mealtime on weekends -- when I'm alone and tired from attending classes and doing homework. My parents work on the weekends, so I end up eating by myself.

I don't eat as much during the week because I have dinner with school friends, but when I'm alone I continue to eat -- even when I am full.

Abby, how can I control my desire to eat when I'm alone watching TV? -- ANNY IN SOUTH KOREA

DEAR ANNY: By understanding that what you are doing is feeding loneliness, and NOT your appetite. One way to break the habit would be to invite friends to join you for dinner on the weekends. Another way would be to refrain from watching TV while eating your dinner. Good luck.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)