DEAR READERS: Today is Memorial Day. Don't forget to take a moment and, regardless of what your religious affiliation may be, offer a prayer for those brave souls who sacrificed their lives in the name of freedom. Blessed are they all.

DEAR ABBY: My 30-something girlfriend, "Heidi," is in her first year of business school. She is on a committee to organize the graduation party for students who will graduate next month.

It's going to be an all-night "affair" (good choice of words?), and will be held at a hotel, so the drinkers can stay overnight. Heidi is in charge of reserving a block of rooms, and for the past few weeks has been immersed in every detail of the event.

Heidi thinks there's nothing wrong with attending this graduation party as a member of the committee -- as well as staying overnight. I say it's a recipe for disaster. Your opinion is needed ASAP. -- DUMBFOUNDED BOYFRIEND IN NOVA SCOTIA

DEAR DUMBFOUNDED BOYFRIEND: Your girlfriend has worked hard to make this event a success, and I don't blame her for wanting to enjoy it. However, you know Heidi better than I do. If she has shown you in the past that she can't be trusted, you can't be blamed for feeling as you do.

P.S. If she has been as faithful as Fido -- YOU have an insecurity problem you had better deal with before you drive Heidi away.

DEAR ABBY: "Hurt and Confused in Oregon" didn't know what to make of the fact that her friend of many years suddenly stopped talking to her. You advised that the reason could be that there's something going on in her friend's life that she's not willing to share.

Anyone whose friend stops communicating -- seemingly for no reason -- should ask him- or herself the following questions:

(1) Are you a braggart? Do you boast incessantly about yourself, your family, your abilities, etc.? Maybe your friend got tired of hearing it.

(2) Are YOU the favorite topic of your conversation? Maybe your friend isn't as fascinated by you as you are!

(3) When something good happens to your friend, do you show genuine happiness, or do you exhibit jealousy and resentment?

(4) Do you encourage your friend and build him/her up -- or do you say things to dampen your friend's spirits, thereby bringing that person down?

Sometimes people say things that alienate others without realizing they are doing so. I speak from experience, Abby. Sign me ... HAD ENOUGH

DEAR HAD ENOUGH: There is always room for improvement. This may be a time when introspection is called for. If one's friends are bailing, an honest look in the mirror may be in order.

DEAR ABBY: At what age can one relinquish the role of godparent? My godchildren are now adults, and I simply cannot afford to keep doling out gifts. They never phone or visit; we have little contact unless I initiate it. Frankly, I'd like to hang up my title and retire gracefully. What is the etiquette on this? -- NO FAIRY GODMOTHER IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR NO FAIRY GODMOTHER: There is no law that compels you to bestow gifts from the cradle to the grave -- their cradle and your grave. Send the grown "godchildren" a lovely card and your heartfelt good wishes.

P.S. I'll bet you get a phone call!

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am more than 60 years of age and have been married 25 years. My husband and I have been living apart for five years, but he will not agree to a legal separation. (We have no children.)

I have been forced to agree to minimal monthly support. However, our agreement has never been put in writing because my husband will not agree to anything formal, and I cannot afford to hire a lawyer to represent me. My husband is involved in another relationship now, but says he has no intention of divorcing me.

My problem: I filed for Social Security, and he reduced my monthly support payment by the same amount, thus leaving me in the same financial position I was in before -- nothing left for savings or emergencies. I want to work, but he has threatened to further reduce the monthly payment by the amount I would receive from working. I would not be able to "hide" money I earn, because we file joint income tax returns. My husband's position with regard to this leaves me frustrated and without incentive.

Please give me some advice. A divorce will be very involved since there is a lot of money and property at stake. I have consulted two lawyers; each one asked for a significant retainer fee, not to mention the $250 to $350 just to consult with them. I am stuck. I really need help. -- PRISONER IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR PRISONER: I spoke with prominent California family law specialist Jill Greenspahn. I think you will be interested in what she has to say:

(1) Your husband doesn't have to "agree" for you to have a legal separation.

(2) If you can't afford a lawyer, check into hiring a paralegal.

(3) You don't "have" to file a joint tax return. You can file separately if you wish.

(4) Since there is money and property to divide in your divorce, you can pledge a portion of it as payment for legal fees. But even more important, in California, the earner -- in your case, that's your husband -- MUST PROVIDE LEGAL FEES FOR THE WIFE'S REPRESENTATION -- and any lawyers worth their salt know that!

I'm pulling for you, dear lady.

DEAR ABBY: I always overeat when I'm watching television. I watch TV only at mealtime on weekends -- when I'm alone and tired from attending classes and doing homework. My parents work on the weekends, so I end up eating by myself.

I don't eat as much during the week because I have dinner with school friends, but when I'm alone I continue to eat -- even when I am full.

Abby, how can I control my desire to eat when I'm alone watching TV? -- ANNY IN SOUTH KOREA

DEAR ANNY: By understanding that what you are doing is feeding loneliness, and NOT your appetite. One way to break the habit would be to invite friends to join you for dinner on the weekends. Another way would be to refrain from watching TV while eating your dinner. Good luck.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are thrilled to be expecting our first child in August. A few months ago, a girlfriend, "Marie," and I were discussing names. Marie mentioned that she had always liked the name Brooke. I told her that I'd always liked it, too.

Now that I'm pregnant, my husband and I want to name our baby Brooke if it's a girl. When I told Marie, she became angry. She said the name was her idea because her deceased mother's last name was similar to Brooke -- so she should be able to use the name if she ever has another daughter.

Abby, I'm pregnant NOW. Marie has no idea when she'll be having her next baby -- if ever. We live 3,000 miles apart and have no friends in common, so it's not like there would be any confusion over who's who. Am I being unreasonable? I would appreciate your take on this. -- GOING FOR BROOKE IN BRITISH COLUMBIA

DEAR GOING FOR BROOKE: You're not being unreasonable. Your friend is being petty. Since there are no copyrights on names, name your baby whatever you choose -- and don't apologize.

DEAR ABBY: My high school graduation is right around the corner, and I have a problem with it. About eight years ago, my dad had an affair with a woman from his office. I'll call her Rosemary. As a result of that (and other stuff), my mom divorced him and moved out of state. Dad got custody and ended up marrying Rosemary about five years ago.

My problem is, Mom plans to attend my graduation. Given the fact that she despises Rosemary -- and I do, too -- I'm uncertain as to whether I want my stepmom to be there. I think it would create friction, even though Mom says she doesn't care if "that woman" shows up or not.

Personally, I'd like to ask that Rosemary not attend. Please let me know if it's my right to make the final decision for an occasion that's supposed to be "my day." -- MUDDLING THROUGH IN MINNESOTA

DEAR MUDDLING THROUGH: Yes, it is your day. However, since your mother doesn't object, for the sake of family unity your father's current wife should be given the courtesy of an invitation. Please remember that it isn't your responsibility to be a peacemaker. I hope you'll enjoy your special day. Congratulations.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 38-year-old single mother of two. There is a man at work I find attractive, and he's giving me signals that the feeling is mutual. The problem? I've made it a strict policy never to date anyone at work, at church or in my neighborhood because of problems that can occur if there's a breakup.

It's something I've never experienced firsthand, but I've seen it numerous times. When two people split up, there's often tension, hurt feelings and back-stabbing.

As interested as I am in my co-worker, I'm afraid of what could happen to our professional relationship should we become a couple and it doesn't work out. Am I being too cautious? -- TRYING TO BE SMART IN PHILLY

DEAR TRYING TO BE SMART: While it's my opinion that workplace romances (as common as they are) are a bad idea for the reasons you have mentioned, I do think that by not dating men from the neighborhood or church, you are severely limiting yourself. Social opportunities present themselves in the places you present yourself.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 38-year-old single mother of two. There is a man at work I find attractive, and he's giving me signals that the feeling is mutual. The problem? I've made it a strict policy never to date anyone at work, at church or in my neighborhood because of problems that can occur if there's a breakup.

It's something I've never experienced firsthand, but I've seen it numerous times. When two people split up, there's often tension, hurt feelings and back-stabbing.

As interested as I am in my co-worker, I'm afraid of what could happen to our professional relationship should we become a couple and it doesn't work out. Am I being too cautious? -- TRYING TO BE SMART IN PHILLY

DEAR TRYING TO BE SMART: While it's my opinion that workplace romances (as common as they are) are a bad idea for the reasons you have mentioned, I do think that by not dating men from the neighborhood or church, you are severely limiting yourself. Social opportunities present themselves in the places you present yourself.