DEAR ABBY: I am more than 60 years of age and have been married 25 years. My husband and I have been living apart for five years, but he will not agree to a legal separation. (We have no children.)

I have been forced to agree to minimal monthly support. However, our agreement has never been put in writing because my husband will not agree to anything formal, and I cannot afford to hire a lawyer to represent me. My husband is involved in another relationship now, but says he has no intention of divorcing me.

My problem: I filed for Social Security, and he reduced my monthly support payment by the same amount, thus leaving me in the same financial position I was in before -- nothing left for savings or emergencies. I want to work, but he has threatened to further reduce the monthly payment by the amount I would receive from working. I would not be able to "hide" money I earn, because we file joint income tax returns. My husband's position with regard to this leaves me frustrated and without incentive.

Please give me some advice. A divorce will be very involved since there is a lot of money and property at stake. I have consulted two lawyers; each one asked for a significant retainer fee, not to mention the $250 to $350 just to consult with them. I am stuck. I really need help. -- PRISONER IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR PRISONER: I spoke with prominent California family law specialist Jill Greenspahn. I think you will be interested in what she has to say:

(1) Your husband doesn't have to "agree" for you to have a legal separation.

(2) If you can't afford a lawyer, check into hiring a paralegal.

(3) You don't "have" to file a joint tax return. You can file separately if you wish.

(4) Since there is money and property to divide in your divorce, you can pledge a portion of it as payment for legal fees. But even more important, in California, the earner -- in your case, that's your husband -- MUST PROVIDE LEGAL FEES FOR THE WIFE'S REPRESENTATION -- and any lawyers worth their salt know that!

I'm pulling for you, dear lady.

DEAR ABBY: I always overeat when I'm watching television. I watch TV only at mealtime on weekends -- when I'm alone and tired from attending classes and doing homework. My parents work on the weekends, so I end up eating by myself.

I don't eat as much during the week because I have dinner with school friends, but when I'm alone I continue to eat -- even when I am full.

Abby, how can I control my desire to eat when I'm alone watching TV? -- ANNY IN SOUTH KOREA

DEAR ANNY: By understanding that what you are doing is feeding loneliness, and NOT your appetite. One way to break the habit would be to invite friends to join you for dinner on the weekends. Another way would be to refrain from watching TV while eating your dinner. Good luck.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are thrilled to be expecting our first child in August. A few months ago, a girlfriend, "Marie," and I were discussing names. Marie mentioned that she had always liked the name Brooke. I told her that I'd always liked it, too.

Now that I'm pregnant, my husband and I want to name our baby Brooke if it's a girl. When I told Marie, she became angry. She said the name was her idea because her deceased mother's last name was similar to Brooke -- so she should be able to use the name if she ever has another daughter.

Abby, I'm pregnant NOW. Marie has no idea when she'll be having her next baby -- if ever. We live 3,000 miles apart and have no friends in common, so it's not like there would be any confusion over who's who. Am I being unreasonable? I would appreciate your take on this. -- GOING FOR BROOKE IN BRITISH COLUMBIA

DEAR GOING FOR BROOKE: You're not being unreasonable. Your friend is being petty. Since there are no copyrights on names, name your baby whatever you choose -- and don't apologize.

DEAR ABBY: My high school graduation is right around the corner, and I have a problem with it. About eight years ago, my dad had an affair with a woman from his office. I'll call her Rosemary. As a result of that (and other stuff), my mom divorced him and moved out of state. Dad got custody and ended up marrying Rosemary about five years ago.

My problem is, Mom plans to attend my graduation. Given the fact that she despises Rosemary -- and I do, too -- I'm uncertain as to whether I want my stepmom to be there. I think it would create friction, even though Mom says she doesn't care if "that woman" shows up or not.

Personally, I'd like to ask that Rosemary not attend. Please let me know if it's my right to make the final decision for an occasion that's supposed to be "my day." -- MUDDLING THROUGH IN MINNESOTA

DEAR MUDDLING THROUGH: Yes, it is your day. However, since your mother doesn't object, for the sake of family unity your father's current wife should be given the courtesy of an invitation. Please remember that it isn't your responsibility to be a peacemaker. I hope you'll enjoy your special day. Congratulations.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 38-year-old single mother of two. There is a man at work I find attractive, and he's giving me signals that the feeling is mutual. The problem? I've made it a strict policy never to date anyone at work, at church or in my neighborhood because of problems that can occur if there's a breakup.

It's something I've never experienced firsthand, but I've seen it numerous times. When two people split up, there's often tension, hurt feelings and back-stabbing.

As interested as I am in my co-worker, I'm afraid of what could happen to our professional relationship should we become a couple and it doesn't work out. Am I being too cautious? -- TRYING TO BE SMART IN PHILLY

DEAR TRYING TO BE SMART: While it's my opinion that workplace romances (as common as they are) are a bad idea for the reasons you have mentioned, I do think that by not dating men from the neighborhood or church, you are severely limiting yourself. Social opportunities present themselves in the places you present yourself.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Memorial Day is again upon us. Many of our citizens will enjoy a day off from work. Some will join family and friends at the beach, a picnic, a ball game or perhaps the mall. Sadly, the true meaning of this holiday, which was designated to remember and honor America's fallen, will be forgotten by many Americans.

We owe these men and women a debt of remembrance. We must make a special effort to honor their legacy on this and every Memorial Day.

This year, the White House Commission on Remembrance is asking Americans to pause on Memorial Day at 3 p.m. local time, wherever they may be, and reflect on those who have died for our freedom. To mark this year's observance, I have asked Charles Strouse, the noted composer of "Annie" and "Bye-Bye Birdie," to write a song for the National Moment of Remembrance. The song is titled "On This Day."

Parents and kids can listen to "On This Day" online and download sheet music to learn the song. The National Association for Music Education (MENC) has posted this information on its Web site: www.menc.org.

Abby, I again ask your help in encouraging your readers to join in this act of national unity in remembering our fallen on Monday, May 26. As John F. Kennedy said, "A nation reveals itself not only by the citizens it produces, but also by the citizens it honors, the citizens it remembers." -- CARMELLA LaSPADA, DIRECTOR, WHITE HOUSE COMMISSION ON REMEMBRANCE

DEAR CARMELLA: Thank you for your timely letter -- and for the reminder that Memorial Day is only a few days away.

The White House Commission on Remembrance promotes the values of Memorial Day by acts of remembrance throughout the year. Learn more about it by visiting www.remember.gov.

Readers, as the events of the last few months have reminded us all, freedom is not free; in every conflict there is a price paid in human life. I hope that on this Memorial Day, all of you will take a "moment of remembrance" out of your holiday celebration to respect the young people who gave their lives this year in the service of our country, and perhaps join me in offering up a prayer for their grieving families.

DEAR ABBY: I am an 11th-grade girl, and I need your advice on what to tell my parents when my report card comes in June. My GPA has dropped big-time since the last one, and they have both been nagging me to study harder.

My mom and dad don't understand what it's like for me at school. Keeping my grades up has become more difficult because I don't have the motivation to immerse myself in the mandatory curriculum. I have no need whatsoever for those boring academic requirements.

The one thing I'm good at is art -- drawing and painting -- and I can do that on my own. Sometimes I wonder why I need high school at all. I'd love to have a break from it. How can I clue my parents in to what I'm all about, Abby? -- FRUSTRATED TEEN IN VERMONT

DEAR FRUSTRATED TEEN: I suspect your parents are going to know what you are all about once they see your report card. Every student, at one time or another, has had the same feelings. But the smart ones accept the reality that in order to succeed and be independent, they must, at the very least, have a high school (or equivalent) diploma. The time to get it is now. So buckle down in your senior year and lift your grade point average. Art schools require well-rounded students.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)