DEAR ABBY: I am a certified wedding planner. With the wedding season upon us, I would appreciate it if you would publish the following "reminders" for wedding guests:

1. The only people invited are those listed on the invitation. Please do not bring uninvited guests. I've seen a shortage of space and food at receptions because of this. (Caterers often charge extra for the number of guests exceeding the original count.)

2. Please do not bring children unless they are listed on the invitation. They may be the cutest kids in the world -- especially when they're all dressed up. However, it's the bride and groom's day, not an occasion for you to show off your little ones.

3. Another reason not to bring uninvited children is that many reception sites charge by the number of attendees, regardless of the age.

4. If you must bring a nursing baby to the ceremony, ask to be seated on an aisle near the back, so a quick exit can be made if the baby becomes fussy.

Keep in mind that a wedding day is an occasion the bride has dreamed of all her life. Countless hours and thousands of dollars may have been spent to make it perfect. Please don't spoil it for the happy couple. -- SPEAKING FOR ALL BRIDES

DEAR SPEAKING: Every spring I receive wedding etiquette questions by the bushel. Your helpful reminders can diffuse more than a few potential problems before they occur. Thank you for sending them.

DEAR ABBY: I am 13. I read your column every day. My mom is bulimic, and now I am fat because all she buys is junk food. Please give me some advice in the newspaper, because Mom will be mad if she knows I wrote to you.

I am sick of the kids at school calling me names all the time. I am sick of my mother calling me a fat pig when it is her fault that I eat the wrong food and don't throw up afterward like she does.

There is no reason to live any more. Every day of my life is miserable and I'd rather not even be here. You are my last chance for help on how to deal with these people. -- FED UP IN FORT MYERS, FLA.

DEAR FED UP: You need more help than anyone can give you in a letter. It's time to talk to your teacher, your principal or a school nurse about what you have written me. Your mother has an eating disorder and may not even realize that she is passing it along to you.

You need a healthy diet and an exercise program, and your mother needs to understand that what's going on could be classified as neglect because children's eating habits are dictated by their parents. Don't wait -- talk to someone now. Please let me hear from you again. I care.

DEAR ABBY: In a recent column you mentioned the old story that my grandfather, W.C. Fields, did not relate well to children. Nothing could be further from the truth. In fact, he loved children, and proudly drove his firstborn grandchild home from the hospital. A family photo appeared in People magazine on Jan. 1, 2000. It depicts my beloved grandfather, his first grandchild and my mother -- and it is heartwarming. -- HARRIET A. FIELDS, WASHINGTON, D.C.

DEAR HARRIET: I stand corrected. Thank you for helping to bury an old myth.

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DEAR ABBY: I have been involved with "Christopher" for three years. Our relationship started out as an affair. Chris was married with two small children and lived two doors down from me. He ended up leaving his wife and kids for me -- causing pain for everyone.

After the divorce, Chris was ordered to pay child support, alimony and the family's mortgage. He stopped paying when his wife moved in a lover who was a neighbor from across the street. Soon after that she kicked him out and took up with a guy she met on the Internet. The two children were neglected and finally taken into state custody. (They have since been returned to her after a year-long court battle.) The state would never allow Christopher to take the kids because his ex brought to light his prison history and ongoing alcohol addiction.

My problem is, after three years of this drama, I still feel I can't trust Chris -- that he always needs to be "baby-sat." He is not the world's most responsible guy. For instance, instead of going to work, he may end up in a bar -- and not even call to let me know. I'm always scared and worrying about what he's doing and where he is.

On top of all this, Chris is facing more prison time. My head tells me he's not worth the trouble he's caused, but my heart won't let go of the hope he'll change. Maybe I should have walked away when he first cheated on his wife with me -- the first time he lied, the first time he left me in the middle of the night to go out and do who-knows-what.

Should I wait until Chris goes to jail, then send him a Dear John letter and start over someplace else? Or should I get out now? If I threatened to leave him, he'd go nuts. Yet he feels OK about living a reckless and selfish life. Abby, who really has the problem here -- me or him? -- CONFUSED TO THE MAXIMUM IN MISSOURI

DEAR CONFUSED TO THE MAX: Interesting question. I'd say you both do. Your boyfriend can't toe the line, and you can't let go. From my perspective, Chris can offer you no future. However, if you think he will "go nuts" if you indicate that you're leaving, it would be better if you wait until the state takes him away from you.

DEAR ABBY: My teacher told me I should write to you with my etiquette question about envelopes.

Should people mail their personal letters in envelopes that have a curved-edge closing flap or a straight-edge closing flap? Someone told me that one kind is for personal letters and the other kind is for business letters. Is this true? -- JOSH IN CHICAGO

DEAR JOSH: If it's true, it's the first I have heard of it. To most people, the most important thing is what's inside the envelope, not the shape of the flap.

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DEAR ABBY: My mom divorced my dad two years ago because he's an alcoholic. Dad's a good guy, but when he's drunk he gets mean and hateful -- and sometimes violent.

Mom has benefited from the divorce and is much happier. About a year ago, she met a wonderful guy I'll call Dan. I like him a lot and he makes Mom happy.

My dad, on the other hand, hasn't done so well. He blames Mom for everything that's gone wrong with him and even accused her of divorcing him because she was having an affair (which is absolutely not true).

I will be graduating from high school next month. I can't NOT invite either parent, because I know they'd be hurt. I also can't NOT invite Dan because he's like a second father to me. What should I do, Abby? My fear is that my father will arrive drunk at my graduation, cause a scene or start a fight with Dan. Any advice would be appreciated. -- GIRL ABOUT TO GRADUATE

DEAR ABOUT TO GRADUATE: Talk to your father about your concerns. If he cannot promise faithfully that he will behave like a gentleman, do not invite him. Tell him that this is your day -- not his, not your mother's and not Dan's -- and you need to be assured it won't be spoiled.

DEAR ABBY: Whenever I read in one of your columns a reminder about sending messages of encouragement to personnel in the military, I become frustrated. I would like to send a message, but I'm not sure where to send it.

I want to send encouragement, love and heartfelt thanks to all the gay men and women who serve our country whenever and wherever they are needed. In an already stressful situation, they have the added stress of staying in the closet. They not only have to fear the enemies of our country, but also that a homophobic colleague will betray them.

As it was in the Gulf War, their sexual orientation will be ignored because they are needed, but as soon as the action and/or threat is over, they will be tossed aside as many before them have been.

Please, Abby, let them know that we admire, care and think about them and the sacrifices they are making. -- MARTIN IN FORT LAUDERDALE, FLA.

DEAR MARTIN: Thank you for pointing out the unfairness of "situational discrimination." A person's sexual orientation has nothing to do with his or her degree of patriotism or ability to successfully defend our country.

DEAR ABBY: My son is a junior in high school and dating "Lynn," who's a senior. They've been going together for nearly nine months.

Lynn asked my son to go with her to the senior prom. I am unsure about the proper etiquette regarding money. How much of the cost should my son be responsible for?

Keep in mind that it is HER prom. She invited him to be her date. Is it OK for them to split the expenses? My son seems to think he should pay for everything, but I disagree. Please give us some advice, Abby. He's nervous enough as it is! -- SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA MOM

DEAR MOM: Your son should not pay for everything. Even though he was invited, it would be appropriate for him to offer to pay half the cost. They could do it this way: He buys dinner, her corsage, and provides the transportation. She buys the tickets for the prom, his boutonniere and the photographs.

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