DEAR ABBY: I think it would be a good idea to reprint the "freedom poem" that appeared in your column several years ago. Because of the recent war in Iraq, it couldn't be more timely. Thanks, Abby. -- MRS. INEZ M. BARROW, WATERFORD, MICH.

DEAR MRS. BARROW: Because today is Armed Forces Day, I agree that the poem is timely. It was written in 1988 by a high school ROTC cadet major named Kelly Strong. Read on:

FREEDOM IS NOT FREE

I watched the flag pass by one day.

It fluttered in the breeze.

A young Marine saluted it,

And then he stood at ease.

I looked at him in uniform

So young, so tall, so proud,

With hair cut square and eyes alert,

He'd stand out in any crowd.

I thought how many men like him

Had fallen through the years.

How many died on foreign soil?

How many mothers' tears?

How many pilots' planes shot down?

How many died at sea?

How many foxholes were soldiers' graves?

No, freedom is not free.

I heard the sound of "Taps" one night,

When everything was still.

I listened to the bugler play

And felt a sudden chill.

I wondered just how many times

That "Taps" had meant "Amen,"

When a flag had draped a coffin

Of a brother or a friend.

I thought of all the children,

Of the mothers and the wives,

Of fathers, sons and husbands

With interrupted lives.

I thought about a graveyard

At the bottom of the sea,

Of unmarked graves in Arlington.

No, freedom is not free.

-- CADET MAJOR KELLY STRONG, AIR FORCE JUNIOR ROTC, HOMESTEAD SENIOR HIGH SCHOOL, HOMESTEAD, FLA., 1988

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Last summer I met "Lauren," a single mom who was new to our neighborhood. We began jogging together in the mornings. When she needed help trimming a tree, I volunteered my husband, "Dave," who was happy to help.

After that, Lauren began calling Dave for every favor she needed -- going with her to buy tires, helping to paint two bedrooms of her house, getting an estimate on her car and taking her kids on motorcycle rides -- some of which last all day. Lauren recently told Dave she doesn't like me, and that I have started false rumors about her, which is totally untrue!

Both my husband and Lauren maintain they're "just friends." Clearly, she has become more HIS friend than mine. When an attractive, single woman calls a married man eight times in a two-hour period -- something's up.

Dave says I need to "deal with it" -- that he has a good time with her and her kids, and he's sorry I feel he's putting me second. It's to the point that I may ask him to move out. Dave says he's put too much money in our house to leave. What should I do, Abby? -- TIRED OF BEING SECOND FIDDLE

DEAR TIRED: Tell your husband that he may have put too much money into the house to leave, but YOU have put too much time and effort into the marriage to let it collapse. Offer him the chance to save your marriage with counseling. And if he refuses, talk to a lawyer and protect your interests, because as it stands, you have been emotionally abandoned.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend recently gave me a beautiful engagement ring. It is custom-designed. I like it, but I also remember a story he told me when we first began dating. He mentioned he'd had a ring designed for an old girlfriend, but she had refused it. Abby, I think this is the same ring! It makes me uncomfortable knowing that the ring he gave me might have been designed with another woman in mind.

Should I ask him about it with the fear he might get defensive? Or should I adopt a "don't ask/don't tell" policy? -- NEEDS TO KNOW IN KNOXVILLE

DEAR NEEDS TO KNOW: Speak up and ask. And if the answer to your question is yes, let him know that you would prefer another setting. An engagement ring is supposed to be a symbol of his love for you -- and you alone.

DEAR ABBY: Yesterday, my 27-year-old daughter was coming out of a store behind a woman who was reeking of very strong perfume. It triggered an asthma attack and my daughter ended up in the emergency room.

Would you please remind your readers that they should apply their perfume with discretion, and that there are people who are allergic to it and could end up seriously ill if they are exposed to it? -- KATHY IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR KATHY: Your message has been in this column before, but it is one that's worth repeating, and I'm pleased to help. It applies to both women and men, because in many cases both sexes are equally heavy-handed when it comes to applying scents. To steal a line from an old jingle, "A little dab'll do ya." So please show some consideration for those whom you encounter in the workplace, in elevators and on airplanes as well. In an enclosed environment, the effects can be overpowering, or even life-threatening.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My youngest stepson killed himself four months ago. He was only 16. His father and I knew what signs to look for, but we didn't recognize any of them in him. The friends who were with him the day he died knew he wanted to commit suicide, and they also knew he had a loaded gun. However, thinking they had talked him out of going through with it, they left him alone. By the time he was found, it was too late.

I am writing this so others will understand that a person who threatens suicide should never be left alone -- especially if he or she has the means to do it. I know my stepson's friends thought they had the situation under control and that he'd be all right -- but he wasn't.

My family will grieve our son's loss for the rest of our lives. As long as I live, I will never understand why no one called us or the authorities. -- HEARTBROKEN IN TEXAS

DEAR HEARTBROKEN: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your stepson. Many kids are hesitant to "rat" on each other. They are optimistic and also consider themselves and their contemporaries to be immune to danger. In your stepson's case, they tragically miscalculated -- and, like you, will also grieve the loss of your stepson for the rest of their lives because a suicide has an impact on everyone.

The National Alliance for the Mentally Ill (NAMI) publishes a fact sheet to help people recognize signs of depression and suicide risk. They are:

(1) Change in personality: sad, withdrawn, irritable, anxious, tired, indecisive, apathetic.

(2) Change in behavior: can't concentrate on work, school, routine tasks.

(3) Change in sleep pattern: oversleeping or insomnia, sometimes with early waking.

(4) Change in eating habits: loss of appetite and weight, or overeating.

(5) Loss of interest in friends, sex, hobbies, activities previously enjoyed.

(6) Worry about money, illness (either real or imaginary).

(7) Fear of losing control, going crazy, harming self or others.

(8) Feelings of overwhelming guilt, shame, self-hatred.

(9) No hope for the future: "It will never get better; I will always feel this way."

(10) Drug or alcohol abuse.

(11) Recent loss through death, divorce, separation, broken relationship, or loss of job, money, status, self-confidence, self-esteem.

(12) Loss of religious faith.

(13) Nightmares.

(14) Suicidal impulses, statements, plans; giving away favorite things; previous suicide attempts or gestures.

(15) Agitation, hyperactivity, restlessness may indicate masked depression.

If you or someone you know is feeling suicidal, IMMEDIATELY call the National Hopeline Network's toll-free access number: (800) SUICIDE (784-2433). You will automatically be linked to the closest available accredited suicide hotline. Tell the counselor who answers what is going on and you will receive help.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)