DEAR ABBY: I am a 22-year-old inmate. Two years ago, one of my best friends was killed by a drunk driver. When I was sentenced for theft and incarcerated here, I learned that the guy who killed my buddy is also doing time in this correction center.

For the longest time, I hated the guy who killed my pal. But after a while I started feeling bad for him. He has to live for the rest of his life with the fact that he killed someone because he got behind the wheel when he was wasted.

At first, all I wanted to know was what happened that night. But after time went by, I ended up wanting to forgive him. When I told my friend's wife, "Trisha," that I was getting to know this guy, she got really angry.

I understand how Trisha feels, but she's not the only one whose life was wrecked that night. I lost a good buddy and I'm trying to forgive the man who's responsible. Am I on the right track here, Abby? -- ONE-DAY-AT-A-TIMER IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR ONE-DAY-AT-A-TIMER: I think you are. However, to forgive -- or not to forgive -- is a personal decision. I understand the widow's pain and anger, but she should not judge you for choosing to divest yourself of the burden of hate. Hate corrodes the vessel that carries it.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 32-year-old single female whose past has been filled with physical, emotional and sexual abuse that began when I was 5.

Even though my past was horrendous, I've always felt that my life would get better. Well, two marriages and several long-term relationships later, I am STILL being abused. It seems I attract only men who are physically abusive, emotionally unavailable -- or both.

Do you think there is something in my character that tells abusive men I am an easy target? I am so sad and lonely that I've found myself thinking more and more about killing myself. I know I have something to live for -- I just don't know what it is. -- LOST AND UNLOVED IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR LOST AND UNLOVED: If you have a plan to kill yourself, I urge you to pick up the phone, speak to the operator and ask to be connected to the suicide hotline. Please get the help you deserve so you can lead the happy, healthy life you want. That road begins with counseling to rid yourself of the baggage from your childhood. With professional help, you'll learn to break unhealthy and unhappy patterns and "reprogram" your expectations about what is normal and acceptable in relationships. Please don't wait.

DEAR ABBY: About eight years ago, I ordered your two cookbooklets and I loved the recipes, especially the Spicy Shrimp or Lobster Appetizer and the Gourmet Rice Pudding you offered. I loaned one booklet out -- and never got it back -- and misplaced the other. Are they still available? If so, how can I get copies of them? -- J.P. IN ALBANY, N.Y.

DEAR J.P.: My cookbooklet set is frequently requested and it's still available. It contains some wonderful family favorite recipes and can be ordered by sending a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklets, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend "Adam" and I are high school seniors. We have been serious for only three months, but we've been dating for more than a year. He is sexually experienced, but I am not -- I'm still the "Big V."

On prom night, I want Adam to be my "first," but because I have been disappointed in the past, I don't want to be left heartbroken. I love Adam with all my heart -- he's all I want in a guy. But I feel torn about what to do. Should I go ahead and "seize the day"? Or should I make him wait? Please help! -- TEEN GIRL IN THE GAMBLING STATE

DEAR TEEN GIRL: Your boyfriend may be a wonderful person, but to lose your virginity simply to celebrate prom night is not a mature decision. Sex carries with it responsibilities -- and can result in unplanned "surprises," as the following letter shows. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I was an A student in high school and was accepted into both Cornell and Stanford. I had a brilliant future in front of me on a silver platter -- then I had a baby. I did not get pregnant on purpose. I had my son because I could not bring myself to get an abortion or give up my baby. It has not been an easy road.

I married my baby's father, even though he was only one month out of high school, and I dropped out of my first year of college. The first 10 years of our marriage were spent struggling to make ends meet. He worked, making $6.25 an hour as a roofer's apprentice. I waited tables at night, sometimes until 2 or 3 a.m., then I would get up at 6:30 a.m. to feed the baby. There was no money to go out with friends or for new clothes, and we lived in a tiny house in a bad neighborhood. Lack of money caused most of our marital problems.

Abby, as much as I loved my son, I also resented him because all my dreams were put on permanent hold and I had to live the way I did. I spent days, weeks and months crying hours at a time in despair. This was not the life I had envisioned. In the seven years that followed, I had two more sons. My youngest was the only child I was emotionally prepared for.

I am now 32. My oldest is 12, and yes, I am still married to my husband. People think we are the perfect family, but I am not sure it was worth the price we have paid. Our first two sons never quite had their mom or dad during the years when it counted most. Our marriage nearly crumbled. We both had affairs and verbally abused each other. It took more than 100 hours of expensive counseling to fix our family.

Children are the most precious blessings you can have, and they deserve two parents who are ready to treasure them for their entire life -- not just when you finally get your life together 10 or 15 years down the road.

I urge all young people reading this to GET AN EDUCATION -- not just in college, but life experience as well. Youth doesn't last forever. You will no longer have a chance to be young and free once you have children. Don't try to beat the odds. The pain left in the wake of your mistake lands squarely in your kids' laps. -- TELLING THE TRUTH IN TOLEDO

DEAR TELLING THE TRUTH: You have made an important point. It takes consistency and emotional maturity to be an effective parent. If the mother or father is still emotionally immature, as well-intended as that person may be, he or she does not have the tools to be the parent that every child deserves.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem at my workplace. My two bosses are single men in their early 30s. I am the only female working at the company. Somehow, it has become "my duty" to find single women for them to date. This has been going on for several months, and they are unhappy because none of the ladies I have set them up with have worked out.

Yesterday, I was given a bad performance review, and I know it's because the women I have introduced them to have rejected them.

Abby, how can I get them to separate their personal desires from my office responsibilities? I've tried telling them I cannot be their personal dating service any longer, but that makes my office situation worse. The truth is, I'm running out of girlfriends to introduce them to, and the job situation in New York City doesn't allow me to quit. -- SICK OF BEING CUPID IN MANHATTAN

DEAR SICK OF BEING CUPID: You were well-intentioned in trying to fix your bosses up, but solicitation and procurement were not in your job description. Document as best you can the times and places when you were asked to supply them with women. If you're fired, provide that information to the labor board. Your employers are blackmailing you, and their behavior is contemptible.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 16-year-old male currently living in a boys' home. I'll be here for the next few months. Here's my problem: I tend to fall in love easily. During the three months I've been here, my girlfriend, "Tracy," wrote me twice a day. I thought for sure we were in love. But I haven't received a letter from her in more than a week!

Her excuse is she's busy with school and a part-time job -- plus, it's track season and she's on the team. I understand all that, but I'm still worried. I told Tracy how I feel but still haven't gotten a letter back. What should I do now? -- CONFUSED TEENAGER IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR CONFUSED TEENAGER: I'm sure it's lonely living in new surroundings. However, it's a mistake to depend solely on one person for your happiness. (It's also a heavy responsibility to lay on another person.)

It's time to find a sport, a hobby or some other interest to fill your time. I am sure you'll hear from your girlfriend eventually, but do not get angry with her or make her feel guilty, or you'll lose her.

DEAR ABBY: My second husband, "Randy," and I have four children between us -- my two, ages 14 and 15, and his daughter, "Katy," 5, and our son, "Timmy," 2.

Recently, I asked Randy if, for my own personal keepsake, we could have a professional portrait taken of him and the three children I bore. He adamantly refused, saying Katy would feel left out.

We have a fairly recent picture in our family room with Katy in it. Timmy, however, is not in the photo because he has autism and refused to have his picture taken that day.

Randy and I have been arguing over this, and it's making me resentful toward him and my stepdaughter. (Katy doesn't live with us, but visits every other weekend.)

Do you think I am selfish to want a picture with just my husband and MY three children? -- MAD STEPMOM IN BEAUMONT, TEXAS

DEAR MAD STEPMOM: I'm not sure I'd call it selfish. However, it would be enormously insensitive to the feelings of the little girl who lives apart and gets to be with her father and siblings only every other weekend. Look at it from the child's perspective, and you'll see your husband is right.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)