DEAR ABBY: You have always encouraged readers to stay informed, be prepared, and adjust positively to whatever problems they are dealt from the deck of life.

With this in mind, we are offering your readers a Citizen's Survival Kit. It's a package of consumer information booklets, focused on protecting our families and ourselves. Whether someone is trying to assemble a disaster preparedness kit, do financial planning, make a will, or resolve a consumer complaint about a product, it can be accomplished quickly and simply by following the advice in this selection of booklets. The Citizen's Survival Kit will be provided FREE to Dear Abby readers.

Thank you, Abby, for continuing to promote the health and safety of all Americans. -- TERESA NAVARRO NASIF, DIRECTOR, FEDERAL CITIZEN INFORMATION CENTER

DEAR TERESA: When I saw the Citizen's Survival Kit you assembled, I was impressed. They say there's no free lunch, but your booklets provide a banquet of information. The Disaster Preparedness booklet is a gem, and the Consumer Action Handbook belongs in every household.

Readers, supplies are limited, so don't waste any time. The kit can be ordered at no cost to you. There are three ways to order one: (1) Call toll-free, 1-888-878-3256, weekdays 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. Eastern Daylight Time; (2) send your name and address to: Citizen's Survival Kit, Pueblo, CO 81009; or (3) order it online by going to www.pueblo.gsa.gov.

P.S. While you're visiting that site, you can also read, print out or save hundreds of other free publications. (What fun! I feel like Lady Bountiful!)

DEAR ABBY: "No Name, City or State" inquired about how best to respond to an adult gay man who had boasted about a fling he's having with a 16-year-old boy. You recommended that "No Name" tell the boy's mother what the braggart said and leave it up to her to report it to the police.

Abby, I am a clinical psychologist with experience working with sex abuse survivors. Please consider the fact that when alleged sexual abuse is disclosed, many parents are often confused, emotionally overwrought, etc., and consequently their judgment is impaired. Denial, minimization and accusations against the victim are not unusual. Better that the alleged abuse be reported to the appropriate state and/or county child protection agency; their investigators can best intervene in this and similar matters. -- "DOC" ON LONG ISLAND

DEAR "DOC": Thank you for pointing out something I should have pointed out myself. The fact that the alleged abuser bragged that he was "getting away with something" signals that he could possibly be a pedophile with a history of abuse.

As a school guidance counselor wrote, "It's always best to err on the side of caution" when it comes to reporting suspected child abuse.

DEAR ABBY: My mom and dad think I have ADD and so does my fourth-grade teacher. Both my sisters, my baby sitter and cousin all believe that I don't have ADD. Who should I believe, Abby? -- MIXED-UP 9-YEAR-OLD GIRL

DEAR MIXED-UP: Your parents should have you tested, and then you'll ALL know for sure if you have attention deficit disorder (ADD). It's always best to get the facts. As your letter proves, guessing only causes needless anxiety.

DEAR READERS: I have great news. MOre than 2 million of you have used OperationDearAbby.net to send messages from home to our brave troops overseas. Thank you for making this program the marvelous success it continues to be!

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: The letter from "Tina in Tennessee" brought back memories from my past. Tina was upset because her husband's son had come to live with them, and his messy bedroom made her angry. She excused herself by saying she was a "perfectionist," waving it like a banner, as though it made her behavior OK.

I, too, was a perfectionist. I made my four children's lives miserable with my constant nagging and threatening. My crisis came one winter when, in the midst of a snowstorm, I made all of them stand on our windy back porch, strip naked from their wet, cold clothes, and wait until my floor had dried because I had just washed and polished it. It hit me like a ton of bricks!

For years, I had made my entire family miserable with my constant cleaning. I had been known to wake up in the middle of the night and clean or go outside and do yard work. I always said the clean house was for "them." The truth was, I didn't like myself. I cleaned house to prove to the world that I was all right.

What really needed cleaning was my SPIRIT, not the house. This may be too long to print, but I wanted to share this milestone in my life -- the start of my recovery. -- NO LONGER "MOMMY DEAREST" IN CATHEDRAL CITY, CALIF.

DEAR NO LONGER: You were perceptive to realize that you had turned the "virtue" of cleanliness into obsession and compulsion, to the point that it had become abusive to your family. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I, too, am the stepparent of a sloppy child. It used to drive me to distraction, until I realized the only person I could change was myself, and my harping and complaining only made ME the pariah in the household. Now I close the door to his room and ignore it. When he's grown up and gone, I can change the carpet, paint the walls and "live happily ever after." -- MARK IN GARLAND, TEXAS

DEAR MARK: A wise parent (or stepparent) carefully chooses his (or her) battles, because you can't win 'em all.

DEAR ABBY: My philosophy on neatness is that I'll never look back on my life and think, "Thank goodness I did the dishes every day. I'm glad I spent so much time vacuuming." I will always wish for more time spent with my family and friends, enjoying the things I love.

I would hate for that woman to find herself looking back on her life, regretting a miserable relationship with the boy and his father over dirty clothes and candy wrappers. She needs to reach a compromise. -- NOT SO NEAT IN N.Y.C.

DEAR NOT SO NEAT: Your housekeeping may not win any awards, but you have your priorities in order.

DEAR ABBY: "Tina in Tennessee" should count her blessings. She has a wonderful stepson who is being bounced around like a pingpong ball through no fault of his own. His father should rejoice in the opportunity to have a relationship with his son. This is also Tina's chance to have a relationship with the young man. Tell her not to ruin it because of a messy bedroom. Shut the door! -- A MOTHER IN MINNEAPOLIS

DEAR MOTHER: Good point. There is so little the boy can control -- his bedroom is "his space," and it should not be turned into a battleground. He should be praised for his strong points and given a little leeway. To quote a reader from Littleton, Colo., "Teens are 'neat' people, and it has nothing to do with the state of their bedrooms."

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My 15-year-old daughter, "Betsy," looks and acts older than her age. She's interested in older guys (17 to 19), and they're interested in her. Even though Betsy is not yet allowed to date or go to teenage clubs in town, it's becoming difficult for me to say no all the time.

How can I slow down my daughter's maturity? I would like Betsy to enjoy her childhood while she can. I realize her dad and I must allow her to grow up -- I just don't want it to be this early. And yes, she is aware of sex. We've had "the talk." -- WATCHFUL MOM IN LOUISIANA

DEAR WATCHFUL MOM: Keep your daughter busy. Get her involved in sports, dance, art, theater. But don't count on "slowing down her maturity." Much as you might wish to, you cannot hold back the hands of time.

P.S. I'm pleased you've had "the talk" with your daughter. At 15, she's well on her way to womanhood. Keep the lines of communication open, do not jump to conclusions, give her your unconditional love and listen without being judgmental. You're her mother, not her warden.

DEAR ABBY: Last year, my 32-year-old husband, "Tom," came down with a bad case of chicken pox. He never had it as a kid and couldn't be vaccinated because he is severely allergic to the vaccine.

The outbreak left Tom with pockmarks on his face, neck and back. He hasn't said much about it, but I know my husband. I can tell by the way he now styles his hair and wears his clothes that he's trying to hide the marks on his skin.

Tom is still very handsome, but he acts self-conscious and embarrassed about his appearance. Should I try to get him to talk about it -- yes or no? And if I can get him to open up, what should I suggest? Thanks, Abby. -- CONCERNED ABOUT HUBBY IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR CONCERNED: By all means talk to him. These days, many men avail themselves of cosmetic surgical procedures -- and not just in Hollywood.

Suggest that he consult a dermatologist about his options for improving the appearance of the scarring. In recent years, tremendous progress has been made in skin resurfacing. However, the procedures should be done ONLY by an experienced, board-certified physician.

DEAR ABBY: Here is a true "he never says he loves me" story: On a beautiful, moonlit night in August of 1935, my future husband, Bill, and I were on our first date. We went swimming in a small lake with a dance pavilion on the shore. From the beach, Bill and I could hear the orchestra.

Suddenly we both got very quiet, listening to a beautiful melody. When the song ended, Bill said, "Gee, that's a pretty song -- do you know the name of it?" I answered, "Love Me Forever." Bill took my hand and said, "Well, that's a long time, but I'd sure like to try!"

Over the years, whenever I told the story about "our song," I liked to tease Bill with, "That was the first and last romantic thing you ever said to me." Not the truth, of course, but it made a good story.

I am now an 86-year-old widow. My Bill died in 1971 -- and the "forever" feels as true today as it did that summer night. -- VIRGINIA "TOOTS" WEITZEL, OLEAN, N.Y.

DEAR "TOOTS": It may have been a first date, but your Bill knew a good thing when he saw one -- and how to close a sale. Your letter touched me. Thank you for sharing your love story.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)