DEAR ABBY: At 35, my husband, Tony, was so gorgeous he stopped traffic. He was also artistic, talented, and had the biggest heart of anyone I'd ever met. Like most young couples, we dreamed of buying our first home, starting a family and growing old together. However, on Sept. 23, 1996, our dreams were shattered.

The memories are still a blur: The ambulance trip to the hospital. Emergency surgery for bleeding in the brain. The shocking discovery of a brain tumor. He was briefly conscious after surgery, then my darling slipped into a coma. The bleeding was unstoppable. Brain death was imminent.

That's when I met Mary. She was Tony's nurse in intensive care. Mary asked me if Tony was an organ donor. From the depths of my grief, I was suddenly given a different kind of hope –- that other lives could be saved and Tony wouldn't die for nothing. I remember that we had talked about his becoming an organ donor when he renewed his driver's license. I knew it was what he had wanted.

Tony's gift of organ donation is his living legacy in the truest sense. Just ask Mel, the liver recipient, who is healthy today; or the farmer who used to have to drive six hours for kidney dialysis, who can now enjoy the work he loves again. With so many people on the waiting lists today, organ donation is truly a gift of life. -- ROSE D'ACQUISTO, NATIONAL KIDNEY FOUNDATION DONOR FAMILY COUNCIL

DEAR ROSE: Thank you for your important letter. April is National Donate Life Month. For more information about organ donation, or a free organ donor card, readers can contact the National Kidney Foundation at Box DA, 30 E. 33rd St., New York, NY 10016, or call (800) 622-9010. The Web site is: � HYPERLINK "http://www.kidney.org" ��www.kidney.org�.

I've learned that as of October 2002, 80,000 individuals are waiting for transplants; of those, 53,000 are waiting for kidneys. Last year, 28,000 potential recipients died waiting for kidneys. In 2001, 14,000 kidney transplants were performed -– 8,200 from cadaver donors and 5,900 from living donors. The good news is that living donation is becoming a viable alternative to cadaveric donation. The number of living kidney donors grew 12 percent last year, while cadaveric donations showed only a 1 percent increase.

DEAR ABBY: I am 20 and have been with "Adam" a little over two years. (He's also 20.) We have always been serious about each other. I am now ready to move forward in our relationship and get an apartment with him. I finally found one we can afford. It's near Adam's college, not far from both our families. You should see it -- it's beautiful!

A week before we planned to move in, Adam told me he is unsure about our relationship. We had been quarreling a lot, but we talked and straightened everything out.

Now, a month later, the landlord called and said the apartment is ready. I told Adam, and he came up with yet another excuse not to live with me. When I asked if he wanted our relationship to go further, he said he used to!

I love him dearly, but we don't seem to be on the same page. Am I wasting my time? Please help. -- HURT IN RUTLAND, MASS.

DEAR HURT: This qualifies as a case of bad timing. It's obvious from what Adam is telling you that he's not ready to make the kind of commitment you want. Accept it. And if you're really in love with the apartment, consider renting it with a roommate.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

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DEAR ABBY: Years ago, when I first became a daughter-in-law, it was a good lesson in how NOT to be a mother-in-law. So when our son became engaged, I told his chosen one I considered her "in-law" status only a legality, that I felt I was gaining a daughter, and that wives should always come before mothers.

My husband and I offered advice only when asked and kept still when we saw them do something we thought was a mistake.

When our son had to travel out of town for additional job training, Dad and I moved into their home at their request. We had a great time with our grandchildren and made it possible for our son and his wife to have uninterrupted time for each other.

I am now a widow in my 90s and live in a lovely apartment my son and his wife built onto their home. They visit and help me whenever I need them.

When we drive places, I have always insisted on sitting in the back seat because I find it easier to get in and out of the car. (The kids often have things to discuss and I don't need to know everything.) Believe me, the back seat "ain't" all that bad!

My daughters live in Virginia and California and come to stay whenever my son and his wife want to get away. All of them keep me busy with my computer, getting my own meals, knitting and library books. My girls call daily -– California in the mornings and Virginia to say good-night. The kids here in town are in and out several times a day. When I tell each one how blessed I feel, my son always says, "Mother, you reap what you sow." -- GRATEFUL MOM/IN-LAW

DEAR GRATEFUL MOM/IN-LAW: In most relationships, your son is right. Love and respect are a two-way street. I receive so many letters about bad relationships that it's a pleasure to print one that details such an exemplary one.

And while we're on the subject, I'll reprint a favorite item that has appeared in my column before:

TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR A MOTHER-IN-LAW

by Iola M. Irwin

-- Thou shalt love, honor and respect the new couple.

-- Thou shalt allow them complete independence.

-- Thou shalt speak only kindly and loyally about them.

-- Thou shalt not find fault.

-- Thou shalt not visit them too frequently, and never enter their home without knocking.

-- Thou shalt not expect them to visit you too often.

-- Thou shalt not give advice unless requested.

-- Thou shalt not mention how much you look forward to grandchildren.

-- Thou shalt respect their taste in home decorating, though it differs from your own.

-- Thou shalt petition daily the Heavenly Father, in whose love they abide, for their happiness.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a widow who lives alone. My problem concerns door-to-door solicitors. They seem to be at my door all the time. With all the scams and violent home invasions I read and hear about, I go into a panic when I open the door to find a stranger standing there.

When I hear my doorbell ring, I like to assume it's one of my neighbors or their kids -- so I open up. I don't want to be rude and not answer and help out my neighbors whose school-age children might be selling candy for fund-raisers or going door-to-door with Girl Scout cookies. I love supporting their causes when I am able. But how should I react when it's not someone I know?

Today there were some pretty shady-looking characters on my porch asking to come inside and steam-clean my carpets. Have you any advice on how I can politely but firmly get rid of solicitors so I can feel safe in my own home? Thanks, Abby. -- AFRAID TO FIND OUT WHAT'S BEHIND DOOR NO. 1

DEAR AFRAID: First of all, never open your door without first checking to see who is there. If this means having a peephole installed in your front door, it will be money well-spent. If the person standing there is a stranger, don't open the door.

Second, people who go around neighborhoods selling services that haven't been previously ordered, or merchandise that "just fell off a truck," are usually scam artists and should be avoided at all costs. Caveat emptor (let the buyer beware)!

DEAR ABBY: "Concerned Mother" wrote that she wants to move because her neighbor, "the Wicked Witch of the West," likes her dogs better than "Concerned Mother's" children. ("She ignores the innocent greetings of our children, which hurts their feelings. ... I worry what a person so filled with anger may be capable of.")

May I politely suggest that not everyone wants other people's children bothering them? I realize that "Mother" believes her children are the salt of the earth and her world revolves around them. However, I'm a middle-aged, childless single woman who works hard all day juggling two difficult jobs. The last thing I want to deal with when I get home is someone else's children. In the last place I lived, my next-door neighbors sent their kids into the hallway at night to play cricket and couldn't understand why that bothered me!

Your suggestion that "Mother" instruct her children to leave the neighbor woman alone is a good one. However, advising her to add that there is something wrong with the woman ("explain that the neighbor is troubled and unhappy") fosters bad manners. It should make no difference to the kiddies why they are to leave that woman alone. It should be enough for them to understand that the neighbor doesn't wish to be bothered. The sooner they learn that not everyone thinks they "hung the moon," the happier they will be. -- KATE IN TORONTO

DEAR KATE: The parents of the cricket-playing kids in your hallway were responsible for the racket -- not the youngsters. The little ones were just doing as they were told. I'm printing your letter because it's true that not all adults relate well to children. (W.C. Fields was an example of that.) However, it's safe to say that most adults do. But sometimes even the kindest and happiest people don't like to be disturbed.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)