DEAR ABBY: Two months ago, I discovered a hard lump in my husband's testicle. I urged him to see his doctor, but he put it off for many weeks. He finally went two weeks ago. The doctor diagnosed him with testicular cancer. That same day, my husband underwent surgery to remove his testicle. Two days after that, he underwent CT scans of his chest, abdomen and pelvis. The five days of waiting for the results were excruciating. Thankfully, his cancer had not spread. He must undergo scans every four months for the next two years, but his chances for a full recovery are excellent.

After reading about Lance Armstrong (four-time winner of the Tour de France cycling race), I had encouraged my husband to practice regular testicular self-examinations. He did not. To me, this was as simple as my monthly breast self-exam. Had I not known the signs, my husband's treatment might have come too late. We are inundated with information about breast cancer, but testicular cancer is rarely mentioned.

Abby, please suggest that your male readers practice monthly testicular exams. My husband and I have heard stories of men from 17 to 70 with this cancer. The cure rate is very high and the cancer is fairly easy to detect. -- A LOVING WIFE IN OREGON

DEAR LOVING WIFE: I'm pleased your husband's prognosis is a good one. He is blessed to have such an alert and caring spouse. The American Cancer Society informs me that testicular cancer is highly curable when diagnosed early. Testicular exams are quick and simple and can easily be performed in the shower. For more information, contact the American Cancer Society at (800) 227-2345. Web site: � HYPERLINK "http://www.cancer.org" ��www.cancer.org�.

DEAR ABBY: I have recently started dating "Jack." He's someone I feel strongly about. Jack appears to be quite fond of me, although I'm not sure his feelings are as strong as mine.

Ever since I've known him, he has talked about his past girlfriends. He enjoys discussing their relationships, including intimate details about their sex lives.

I've never been the jealous type, so I'm not really offended -- after all, those women are a part of his past. However, I don't understand why Jack feels compelled to tell me everything he does. Other men I've dated haven't regaled me with their escapades. I understand a man talking about his most recent romance, but some of Jack's stories go back 20 years. What do you think, Abby? -- TOO MUCH INFO IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR TOO MUCH: Jack is no gentleman. Describing that kind of personal information is a sign of immaturity and insecurity.

Now I have a question for you: How will you feel after your relationship is over knowing that Jack is telling the next woman in his life all about YOU? If I were you, I'd run for the hills!

DEAR ABBY: I take exception to the advice you gave "Mrs. Smith in Marietta, Ga." She asked how her name should appear on her tombstone, given the fact that she remarried after a long and happy marriage. You told her she could use both husbands' last names -- "Jane Smith Jones."

Please don't take away her real identity. She was not born with the name Smith. Her tombstone should read something like this: "Jane Brown/Wife of Robert Smith/Wife of Vernon Jones."

A monument producer explained this to my mother and me many years ago. A tombstone is a historical document of sorts, and a wife's maiden name should always appear. – JEANNE G. BOBROWIECKI, SUNRISE, FLA.

DEAR JEANNE G.: I like your solution. Everybody has equal billing -- even the deceased.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: When I read the letter from "Seen It All in Minneapolis," from the woman who, from her driveway, can see her neighbors through their bathroom window, I had to smile. I live in a townhouse and my neighbors and I share a common bedroom wall. One night I was awakened by a pounding noise. I couldn't figure out where it was coming from, and eventually went back to sleep.

Over the next few weeks, I was awakened frequently by the same sounds. One night, after listening for a while, I realized it was coming from my neighbors' bedroom -- they were having intimate relations.

I didn't say anything at first, but finally decided I had to. I was afraid my mother would be visiting while the neighbors were going at it again. I was more than a little embarrassed at having to broach the subject.

One morning, I rang the couple's doorbell. When the woman came to the door I said, "I have something to tell you -- the walls here aren't very thick." She took one look at my red face and understood immediately. Needless to say, I never heard them again. -- SILENCE IS GOLDEN IN MARYLAND

DEAR S.I.G.: They say the squeaky wheel gets the grease. The same holds true for bedsprings and things that go bump in the night. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I have a simple solution for "Seen It All." Plant a bush, install a trellis, or build a fence between the driveway and the window to obscure the view. If that doesn't work, plant a fig tree and lend your neighbor a leaf. -- NATURE LOVER IN ROME, N.Y.

DEAR NATURE LOVER: Why not? It was the first "fashion statement" conceived in the Garden of Eden.

DEAR ABBY: Several years ago my sister had the same problem -- only SHE was the one with the bathroom window that wasn't opaque enough. Her bathroom faced the street.

One of her neighbors sent her a card that looked like a wedding invitation. It read, "This is to inform you that the one-way frosty glass window in your bathroom is in backward." She never found out who sent it, but she had that window fixed in a hurry. -- KATHY FROM OKLAHOMA

DEAR KATHY: It could have been worse. It could have been an announcement of another au naturel performance of "Oh, Calcutta!" at her address.

DEAR ABBY: I am 17 and ache to have a baby. Everyone says I'm too young to have a kid -- but I want one really bad. I've got a great guy, but he doesn't want to be a father right now. So far, I've tried to respect his wishes. However, I'm on birth control pills and sometimes I feel I should secretly stop taking them. Then if I get pregnant I can say, "Wow, how did that happen?" Please tell me what you think. I can't hold out much longer. -- READY-OR-NOT IN TEXAS

DEAR READY-OR-NOT: Continue to hold out, because you are on the verge of making a mistake that could affect at least three people for a lifetime. Before you act on your fantasy, it's important that you understand what is missing in your life and why you are trying to fill the space with an innocent baby.

Conceiving a child through dishonesty is a terrible beginning. From the tone of your letter, neither you nor your "great guy" is ready for the responsibilities of parenthood.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm kinda involved with this guy at work. He's my boss and he's really hot. "Rod" and I started sleeping together almost a year ago, and he's told me all along that he cares a lot for me. My problem is he says he can't "be" with me, because he can't give me what I deserve emotionally -- he can only fulfill my physical needs.

So, in my head I'm saying, "OK, that's better than nothing." Rod bought me a car and has been generous in the money department. But a couple of months ago, he started seeing this other girl. I refer to her as the "Sexless Unwilling Virgin."

Rod says he loves her, but he still wants to sleep with me. I don't understand why he doesn't love me, and I can't figure out why he's never taken me out on a real date. Lately he only stays overnight when he doesn't have anything else to do.

I know he cares for me, and that we have a history he doesn't have with the "S.U.V." Should I keep sticking it out? I can't stop hoping that one day we'll end up being a real couple. Rod means the world to me. I'd do almost anything for him. What do you think? -- IN LOVE WITH THE HOT ROD

DEAR IN LOVE: Idle your motor. The man you have described appears to be fulfilling your material and physical needs -- but not your emotional ones. It's up to you to decide how long you can live with two out of three. I hope you'll soon wake up to the fact that you are being used, and that it will spur you to find a man who truly loves you and is willing to make a commitment.

DEAR ABBY: My mother and I have always agreed that we don't interfere with each other's decisions. Emotional support and tidbits of advice are welcome -- but no meddling. This worked well for us until she met "Don" nine months ago. They're currently living together and plan to be married this summer.

Don spends his afternoons at the neighborhood bar, has worked only two weeks since Mom has known him (he was fired for stealing), has been arrested for shoplifting, and lies about his "war experience" in hopes of gaining sympathy. (He never served a day in the military. I checked.)

Mother is one of those women who are incapable of living alone. Her second husband of eight years died suddenly last year, and since then her life has been anything but normal and stable. My sister flat-out told her how she feels about Don ("Dump the loser") and now they're not speaking. I don't want to harm our relationship, but Mom constantly asks me for money I don't have. What am I supposed to say to her, Abby? -- TOO EXASPERATED FOR WORDS IN ARKANSAS

DEAR EXASPERATED: Tell her no, and tell her why. Explaining that you have no intention of supporting her freeloading fiance is not meddling. It's a bracing dose of the truth, and a glimpse of what lies ahead for her.

Your mother needs to know now that although you love her, you refuse to dispense dollars like an ATM machine, and she deserves someone who will treat her far better than Don does.

DEAR ABBY: I have a beautiful double strand of pearls I'd love to wear, but it was a gift from my ex-husband. Can I wear the necklace while out with my current husband? -- NEW WIFE IN GUAM

DEAR NEW WIFE: As long as your current husband doesn't object, I see no reason why not. Sometimes a string of pearls is only a string of pearls.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)