DEAR ABBY: Last Friday was my birthday. My co-workers threw me a surprise party, complete with cake, singing, a card signed by everyone in the office, and a beautiful bouquet of roses and orchids.

That night, when I told my boyfriend, "Rodney," about it, he blew up and talked nonstop about how no one ever does "nice stuff" for him. Then he said he had completely forgotten my birthday -- and even worse, he tried to pick a fight.

When I shared this with my mother, she told me that Rod's behavior could be considered emotional and verbal abuse. He has always gotten angry over little things, and is quick to complain about what he "doesn't have and never will." I've heard all the stories about how rough he had it growing up. I, on the other hand, have pleasant childhood memories and a positive outlook on life.

The next day Rod apologized. He said his outburst was because he was mad at himself for forgetting my birthday and embarrassed that other people did things for me that he should have done. Should I accept his apology and move on -- or am I seeing signs of a relationship doomed to fail? We've been together for three years, and I'm growing tired of his outbursts. -- DISSATISFIED WITH MY GUY IN EAST LOS ANGELES

DEAR DISSATISFIED: If your birthday was yet another example of Rodney's volatility and negativity, it's time to accept the fact that he doesn't make you happy -- and probably never will. Your signature says it all. Consider this: The best belated birthday present you can give yourself is your freedom and the chance to move on.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Ray" for nine years. We have three children under 7. For a couple of years, I have noticed money missing from our bank account. Each time I asked Ray about it, he'd always have an excuse, saying, "I bought tools," etc.

A week ago, I noticed an unusually large withdrawal. When I confronted my husband, he finally told me the truth. Ray confessed that he's been going to massage parlors and prostitutes for the last two years -- and he is an admitted sex addict. Abby, I am devastated. His confession rocked my world.

I ordered Ray to get out. Now, one week later, I have been to counseling and he has agreed to go. What I am asking is this: Have you ever heard of "sex addiction," and can it be cured? I love my husband and want to give this marriage a chance, but I'm terrified he will stray again. -- NO NAME, CITY OR STATE

DEAR NO NAME: I have known about sex addiction for decades, when a member of Sexaholics Anonymous came to my office with literature about the problem. The organization is well established and has chapters all across the United States -- and in 16 countries -- and its program is based on the AA 12-step model. It works for people who are truly motivated.

For more information about Sexaholics Anonymous, write: S.A., P.O. Box 111910, Nashville, Tenn. 37222-1910, or call: 615-331-6230. The Web site is www.sa.org, and the e-mail address is: saico(at)sa.org.

P.S.: If you haven't already done so, see your physician about being screened for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 21-year-old member of the Air Force stationed in South Korea. I would have been married last month to "Barbara," whom I met back home three years ago. However, Barbara broke up with me because she thought our engagement was too long, and she was tired of waiting.

After Barb broke our engagement, she started hanging out with a rough crowd –- drinking, smoking dope, etc. The last time I was home on furlough, she confessed that two weeks after our engagement was called off, she had sex with a guy she didn't even know. Barb knows she made a terrible mistake.

After much soul-searching I forgave her –- and we are once again talking marriage. My problem is, I feel a strong urge to cheat on her before we tie the knot. I was up-front with Barb about my feelings. I argued that it took 11 months before she'd sleep with me, and it took her only two weeks to find a total stranger to have sex with.

Every time I think about the fact that Barbara had sex with someone else, it makes me want to retaliate. Should I act on it, Abby? -- SOUL-SEARCHING IN SEOUL

DEAR SOUL-SEARCHING: Please RE-consider everything you are considering. Having sex with someone in order to punish a third party is a poor reason to have sex. I urge you to resist the impulse. Frankly, I think neither of you is ready to marry anyone at this time.

DEAR ABBY: I am curious about baby shower etiquette. I'm 27 and pregnant with my second child. My son from a previous relationship will be 8 years old this month. I am now married, and this will be my husband's first child. I had a shower before my son was born, but as the years passed I've given away most of his baby things.

A few of my closest friends want to give me a shower, but my sister is telling everyone that it's not appropriate. It's not so much the gifts I want, but the celebration of this new life growing inside me. If you can offer any advice, it would be greatly appreciated. -- SECOND-TIME MOM IN LOUISIANA

DEAR SECOND-TIME MOM: I see nothing inappropriate about a shower for the new baby, for the good reasons you have given. Please don't let your sister spoil a happy occasion.

DEAR ABBY: I am a recovering alcoholic with 20 years of sobriety. My daughter is in the midst of planning her wedding. I am going to pay for it, which I'm happy to do.

My dilemma: I feel reluctant to pay for the alcohol. My daughter and her fiance explained the situation to his parents and asked them to pitch in. They refused.

I have no objection to liquor being served, but as a matter of principle, I don't want to foot the bill. Please advise. -- FATHER OF THE BRIDE IN OHIO

DEAR FATHER OF THE BRIDE: Do not feel guilty for standing by your convictions. Under the circumstances, your position is understandable. Since the groom's parents refuse to pitch in, arrange for a variety of nonalcoholic beverages to be served -– and don't apologize. If your daughter wants to serve alcohol, tell her that she and her fiance are welcome to pay for it.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 56-year-old grandmother. The love of my life died last summer. As I cared for him throughout his illness, I grew deeply lonely and despondent. Around that time I began having coffee with an acquaintance of ours. To make a long story short –- he gave me genital herpes.

Abby, PLEASE remind your readers to protect themselves. This disease is a life sentence. The physical and emotional pain can be overwhelming. A couple of hours in someone's arms isn't worth the isolation afterward. Now this affliction is with me for the rest of my life. It's a horrible disease. There's nothing romantic about it. I'm an intelligent person who should have known better. -- PAYING THE PRICE

DEAR PAYING THE PRICE: You have learned a painful lesson, but an important one. Every sexually active person, regardless of age, should be tested before engaging in sex with a new partner. It is estimated that one out of four sexually active people have herpes -– and 90 percent of them do not realize they have it. If everyone acted responsibly, it could save a lifetime of pain, embarrassment and regret.

More information on this important subject can be obtained by calling the Centers for Disease Control National STD Hotline toll-free number: (800) 227-8922. It is open 24/7.

DEAR ABBY: The letter you printed from "Rehabilitation Counselor," advising people with seizure disorders about state agencies that assist individuals with disabilities to become gainfully employed, was excellent. However, I would like to add more information:

Canine Partners for Life (CPL) is an organization that provides "service" dogs to people with various disabilities to assist them in leading more normal lives. These service dogs can be trained to detect a seizure up to 30 minutes before it happens, enabling the individual to take precautions required to possibly prevent or alleviate the problem. -- PETER ESHERICK, OREFIELD, PA.

DEAR PETER: I am familiar with service dogs and the important role they can play in the lives of people with disabilities. While most of us are aware that Seeing Eye dogs perform an important function for sightless people, special dogs can also be trained to retrieve items, open and close doors, provide stability when walking, and alert their owners to oncoming seizures.

Canine Partners for Life can be contacted by writing to P.O. Box 170, Cochranville, PA 19330-0170. The phone number is (610) 869-4902 and the fax number is (610) 869-9785. The Web site is � HYPERLINK "http://www.k94life.org" ��www.k94life.org�.

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my girlfriend, "Adrian," for two years. She has always been obsessed with my past. Recently, Adrian went through all my old letters from ex-girlfriends, dating back to early grammar school. Now she is demanding that I burn them. I have refused because she read them without permission, disregarding my privacy.

Is it wrong to keep old letters? I've always assumed it's OK until I get married -– or at least engaged. To me, the letters and notes are a "diary" of sorts. What's your opinion? -- SENTIMENTAL GUY IN IDAHO

DEAR SENTIMENTAL GUY: Your girlfriend is jealous, insecure, nosy and nervy. She has no right to "demand" anything from you. If I were you, I'd keep the letters and give Adrian a change-of-address form. In the long run, you'll be happier.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)