DEAR ABBY: Recently the six ladies in my garden club got together to celebrate the birthday of one of the "girls." We are all in our 50s and 60s and have been friends for years. They all know I have an allergy to nuts, and eating even one can cause a violent reaction. Therefore, I always make a point of asking if nuts are in any of the dishes served at our get-togethers.

One of the ladies, "Mary," served a beautiful casserole. When I asked her if it contained any nuts, she said, "Of course not -- I know you're allergic." Just before we sat down to eat, one of the other women pulled me aside and warned me not to eat any of Mary's casserole because it did, indeed, have nuts.

When I confronted Mary and asked if it was true, she laughed and replied, "This so-called allergy is all in your head, and I was going to do you a favor by proving it to you today."

Abby, I have seen several doctors about my allergy. It is not "in my head." Nuts can cause my blood pressure to skyrocket and cause terrible headaches and vomiting. How should I handle my friendship with Mary after this incident? -- ALLERGIC TO NUTS IN GEORGIA

DEAR ALLERGIC: Friendship with Mary? Mary is not your friend. She deliberately placed your life at risk. Avoid her -- and her casseroles -- at all costs.

DEAR ABBY: You recently printed many telltale signs of a cheating spouse. What are the signs that someone likes you? My friends tell me this guy at work has a crush on me. How can they see it, and I cannot? -- WONDERING IN MONTANA

DEAR WONDERING: Because the signs can vary. Some to consider:

(1) The person "lights up" and usually seems to have a lot to say to you.

(2) The reverse can also be true. The person becomes tongue-tied in your presence.

(3) The person makes a point of being complimentary.

(4) The person makes excuses to see you, call you, e-mail you.

Readers, would you care to add to this list?

DEAR ABBY: I'll bet more than a few people made New Year's resolutions to do some kind of good deed this year. I would like to help those who have procrastinated by recommending a volunteer job in a nonprofit organization.

This year, RSVP (Retired and Senior Volunteer Program) is celebrating 30 proud years of service, placing older adults in positions of impact, allowing seniors to shape the communities in which they live.

If your readers are interested in volunteering, we can send them to schools, museums, hospitals, libraries, senior centers -- even to the zoo. The list is never-ending. Thanks for spreading the word, Abby. -- MERYL SUNSHINE, SAN FRANCISCO RSVP OUTREACH COORDINATOR

DEAR MERYL: It is my pleasure to spread the word. RSVP is a unique program for people 55 and older who are willing to donate anywhere from four to 40 hours a week. Its flexibility allows persons of various skill levels and expertise to help resolve problems that affect their communities. Volunteers provide food for the homeless and hungry, mentor children, assist in community policing, prepare tax returns for elderly and low-income individuals, and much more.

To become an RSVP volunteer, call toll-free: (800) 424-8867 or check the Web site www.seniorcorps.org.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Recently my husband and I invited his son and daughter-in-law for dinner. We also invited two other couples. They know each other, so we felt confident everyone would be comfortable. Our guests seemed to have a great time.

A few days later, I received a note from the wife of my husband's son. It read: "Thank you for having us for dinner last Thursday. Everything was lovely! However, we would have dressed more appropriately had we known it was going to be a 'dinner party.'"

They both had worn jeans. The husband of the second couple came dressed in a coat and tie, and the third couple called beforehand to ask if the men should wear a tie. I said no.

How should I respond to this note? -- PERPLEXED IN TEXAS

DEAR PERPLEXED: Tell the young woman how pleased you were that they could attend and how much their presence added to your dinner party.

Suggest to her that in the future she might do as you do when you're not sure of the "dress code": Call ahead and ask what others will be wearing so that embarrassment can be avoided.

DEAR ABBY: My youngest son, "Jason," is a senior in high school and an all-around good kid. All of a sudden he's decided to let his hair grow. Although it's really not that long, my husband is very critical of it and threatens to cut it almost every day.

I feel it's time for Jason's dad and me to let him make some decisions on his own. His hair doesn't bother me as long as he maintains his grades, behaves himself and keeps it clean. (I don't think it's any longer than the Beatles when they first came on the scene.) I look at other boys our son goes to school with, and some of them have short hair, while others wear theirs Jason's length or longer.

What do you think about this? How can I convince my husband to back off? (He let his hair and sideburns grow when he got out of the service.) -- PEACEMAKING MOM IN ARIZONA

DEAR PEACEMAKING MOM: If your son is doing well socially and academically and keeps his hair clean, your husband should not turn its length into a control issue. Learning to make decisions is an important part of a teen's development. It's also important for parents to pick their battles carefully.

P.S. Dig out some photos of your husband with longish hair and sideburns and tell him it's time to get back in touch with his sense of humor and stop obsessing about things that are not important.

DEAR ABBY: My cousin's daughter, "Lisa," plans to be married in May. She is a 34-year-old schoolteacher and her fiance is a successful 39-year-old radiologist. He has just informed her that she must sign a pre-nup or there will be no wedding.

Abby, Lisa has asked me for advice about this, and I'm not sure what to tell her. When I heard about the pre-nup, my first reaction was she should walk -- but now I'm not so sure. Could you share your thoughts on this? -- AWAITING A REPLY IN NEBRASKA

DEAR AWAITING: A prenuptial agreement is for the protection of both parties. Rather than advising the young woman to "walk," tell her to get a lawyer of her own to review and explain the document before she signs anything.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Max," and I have been married for 12 years and have two precious children. We trust each other 100 percent. Our problem is we're friendly with a couple who have a 15-year-old girl, "Tina." Every time we go there, Tina throws herself at my husband.

The girl wears skimpy clothes, touches Max, makes suggestive remarks, and appears to really have "a thing" for him. He has told her repeatedly that he's not interested and that she's "just a kid," but she hasn't taken the hint to back off.

We've talked to her parents. They say we're reading too much into their daughter's behavior. My husband and I have argued over this, and it's putting pressure on our marriage. I don't want to give up our friends, but I also don't want my marriage to be wrecked by that little slut.

I know Max would never try anything with Tina, but she's the kind who might blame a man if she doesn't get what she wants. How can we get her to cool off? -- MARRIAGE ON THE ROCKS IN BRITISH COLUMBIA

DEAR MARRIAGE ON THE ROCKS: Put as much distance as you can between yourselves and this couple -- or see them only away from their home. If Tina is capable of lying if she doesn't get her way, she's trouble. The smartest thing your husband could do is avoid her.

DEAR ABBY: I am unemployed and looking for work. Unfortunately, my field is shrinking. There is little opportunity for jobs in the future. I am considering returning to school and majoring in health care. It's something that has always interested me -- and it's a growing field.

My problem? My fiancee, "Phoebe," is dead set against me changing careers. She says it's not possible to go to graduate school and maintain a relationship. I find her attitude to be hypocritical since she has an advanced degree and a lucrative income.

I love Phoebe, but I'm tired of being poor and having no job prospects. I don't want to lose her; however, I am frustrated. I've tried talking to her. She won't discuss it and has given me an ultimatum: school or her. What do you think? -- JOB CHANGE IN VERMONT

DEAR JOB CHANGE: A woman who loves you should want what is best for you. Remaining in a field that is being phased out would leave you financially vulnerable. I urge you to return to school and safeguard your future. It appears Phoebe does not value your happiness, or she would have your best interests at heart.

DEAR ABBY: Our 15-year-old son, "Brian," just started dating a 14-year-old girl I'll call Jenny. They are both good kids. The problem is they have no hesitation about kissing in front of us or anyone else. They also snuggle on our couch whenever they can. Last night, they began kissing in the back seat of our car while my husband and I sat in the front. It was as though we weren't even there.

We feel Brian and Jenny are becoming too intimate too fast, and we're worried their hormones will supersede their better judgment. Fortunately, we have a very open relationship with Brian, but we don't know what to say to him about this. Any suggestions? -- TOO YOUNG TO BE GRANDPARENTS

DEAR TOO YOUNG: You bet. Get to know Jenny's parents and express your concerns to them. Both teens need to be involved in activities other than each other. Your son -- and Jenny -- also need to know everything there is to know about human reproduction and its prevention. (There are many books on the subject.) Do not depend on schools to perform this parental responsibility for you. Many schools now teach the students nothing beyond abstinence.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $10 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)