DEAR READERS: Yesterday my column was composed of letters I received in just one day about alcoholism. Today, for readers who may be concerned about their drinking, I am printing a wake-up call:

ARE YOU AN ALCOHOLIC?

1. Have you ever decided to stop drinking for a week or so, but lasted only a couple of days?

2. Do you wish people would stop nagging you about your drinking?

3. Have you ever switched from one kind of drink to another hoping that would keep you from getting drunk?

4. Have you had a drink in the morning during the past year?

5. Do you envy people who can drink without getting into trouble?

6. Have you had problems connected with drinking during the past year?

7. Has your drinking caused you trouble at home?

8. Do you ever try to get extra drinks at a party because you did not get enough to drink?

9. Do you tell yourself you can stop drinking any time you want, even though you keep getting drunk?

10. Have you missed days at work because of the drinking?

11. Do you have blackouts?

12. Have you ever felt that your life would be better if you did not drink?

13. When you take one or two drinks, can you stop and walk away?

14. Have you ever embarrassed yourself or someone else when drinking?

15. Do you drink every day?

16. How many times in the last month have you awakened with a hangover?

17. Do you spend money you don't have on alcohol?

18. Has this affected your sleeping habits? (Do you pass out, get a drink in the middle of the night, or wet the bed when you sleep because of alcohol?)

If you have answered yes to four or more of these questions, you are either an alcoholic or on your way to becoming one.

So, now what do you do? For openers, go to your telephone directory and look up the listing for Alcoholics Anonymous. It is listed under "A." They charge no dues and you need not identify yourself unless you want to.

Another excellent group, Women for Sobriety Inc., was mentioned in my column yesterday. If a 12-step program is not for you, talk to your doctor about a referral for other treatment options.

DEAR ABBY: I work in an office with 10 people. One of my co-workers is being married next month. He invited the president of our small company and the vice president, but excluded everyone else, even though we all work shoulder-to-shoulder and have been exposed to every nauseating detail about the wedding.

Should the rest of us feel obligated to buy a gift for him? -- UNINVITED COLLEAGUE IN CHICAGO

DEAR UNINVITED: Certainly not. Shower him with good wishes, but a wedding gift is required only if one is attending the wedding, so you're all off the hook.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My paternal grandmother and grandfather were alcoholics. My father and three of his brothers are alcoholics, and so is my maternal grandfather.

I love alcohol and the way it makes me feel. I got scared, so I stopped drinking. I no longer drink even socially. Is it possible that I could become an alcoholic? How would you define one? -- CONCERNED 24-YEAR-OLD

DEAR CONCERNED: Yes, it is possible. There may be a genetic link to alcoholism -– and for that reason you are wise to abstain. You say you "love the way it makes you feel." A specialist in addictions once told me that many alcoholics believe alcohol somehow makes them "complete."

How to define an alcoholic? It's a person who cannot control his or her drinking. An example:

DEAR ABBY: Every year for 15 years, I made the same resolution –- to curtail my drinking. I knew the only way was to stop completely and I was determined to do it on my own. I had a strong will and didn't understand why I couldn't stop. (At times I thought I really didn't want to stop.) Finally, I checked into a hospital and now attend AA meetings.

At one meeting, I heard a definition of "insanity" as doing the same thing over and over, expecting a different result. It was then that I realized the difficulty I had with battling alcohol was actually my strong will. On one side it was telling me I had to stop (I knew I had to and wanted to), while at the same time it was telling me I couldn't do without it. See the dilemma?

Please, Abby, let readers know that feeling you have a "weak will" or asking for help is NOT a sign of weakness. No one will think less of you for asking. For me, it was well worth it. I haven't had a drink for 39 months and am finally able to enjoy life again. -- LIVING A BETTER LIFE IN DALLAS

DEAR LIVING: Congratulations on your sobriety and your new life. And thank you for a terrific letter. Often the urge to drink isn't the only problem an alcoholic has to overcome. The following letter arrived the same day as yours. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I drink too much. My husband is an enabler with a capital E. He thinks I won't be "fun" anymore if we give up our nightly cocktail hour.

The problem is, I miss my "old self." I feel wretched in the morning. I never wanted to turn out this way. It's a lonely and shameful way to live. Our kids will surely suffer. The guilt is eating me up. Thanks for listening. Can you give me a push? -- REACHING OUT IN ILLINOIS

DEAR REACHING OUT: Here it is. You have no reason to be ashamed. Your husband is capitalizing on your illness (alcoholism IS an illness) and not helping you to be the strong person and better parent you aspire to be. It appears that he, too, has a drinking problem that shouldn't be ignored.

It's time to separate your problem from his. A program that has been extremely helpful to women alcoholics is Women for Sobriety Inc. Established in 1976, it is the first national self-help program for women with drinking problems. The address is P.O. Box 618, Quakertown, PA 18951-0618. The phone number is (215) 536-8026. The Web site is www.womenfor sobriety.org. It offers hundreds of self-help groups nationwide and abroad. Please don't wait.

Tomorrow I'll print the warning signs of alcoholism.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby -- Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Fifteen years ago when I was single, I got the wife of a friend pregnant. (I'll call her Lily.) Lily was afraid that coming clean with her husband would destroy their marriage, so we both kept quiet and allowed him to think the child was his. A beautiful baby girl was born; they named her "Candice."

Shortly after the birth, Lily, her husband and Candice moved out of state. I couldn't trace them, which meant my child disappeared from my life. I married a local girl, and we have led a quiet, happy life all these years with our two young daughters. I told my wife everything. She was supportive of my desire to find Candice, but we both felt torn about how aggressive the search should be.

A year ago out of the blue, Lily contacted me. She had divorced her husband and married another man who knows that I am her daughter's birth father. Candice is now 14, and the three live only two towns away. Lily and I agreed to meet at a public soccer event where Candice was competing. I was able to finally see my daughter. She looks and acts very much like me -- even to the point of excelling in the same sports I did at her age.

With Lily's permission, I have continued to "show up" at Candice's sporting events, but her mother wants no contact beyond that. Lily has done an excellent job of raising her, and Candice is an "A" student who is socially conscious and well-adjusted.

I am deeply ashamed of the way both Lily and I handled things from the beginning of this girl's life, and feel strongly that I want my daughter to know who I am. I am more than willing to accept financial responsibility. Candice may want to meet her two half-sisters, and she deserves to know the medical history of my side of the family, as there is an unusually high rate of breast cancer.

Lily is dead-set against telling Candice anything, and until now I have respected her wishes. Please give me your opinion on whether my daughter should be told the truth now -- or ever. -- ANXIOUS BIRTH FATHER IN TEXAS

DEAR ANXIOUS BIRTH FATHER: I agree that, if only for medical reasons, Candice should eventually be told the truth. However, because her mother feels so strongly, that may have to wait until she's an adult. It is my belief that children should be told the truth about their parentage as early as possible. Since I may not know all the facts in this case, the girl's mother may have valid reasons for feeling as she does.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 19-year-old female college student who just started a part-time job at a pizza parlor. The one problem I'm facing is my boss keeps staring at my breasts every time we talk. It's very unsettling. How do you suggest I handle this, Abby? I really need to keep my job. -- CO-ED WITH A GAWKING BOSS IN MINNESOTA

DEAR CO-ED: Tell your boss what he's doing makes you uncomfortable. If it continues, start keeping a diary and documenting his behavior. It could qualify as sexual harassment. It's possible that he's also doing it to other young women in his employ.

Remember, there's strength in numbers. If other employees are experiencing the same problem, confront your boss as a group -- or, as a group, report him to the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission (EEOC). That should get his attention.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more sociable person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $5 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)